Huge conflict in my life
Posted: Fri Jan 28, 2011 4:09 pm
This is my first post on here and, in fact, my first admission to anyone other than my mum of what I have experienced. I feel it is necessary to give a little back ground information on myself and my life in the hope you may all understand just why this is so hard for me to try and understand.
I'm 28 now and have never been religious. I apologise now if this causes any offence to anyone, it really is not my intention. I was never brought up having any commitment to any religion and never went to church, other than friends/family's weddings/funerals. My mum allowed me to decide for myself weather I wanted to be part of a religion when I was old and wise enough to make my own mind up. I came to the conclusion that this was not for me and continued my life choosing instead to believe in the things that could be proved. I have spent a good 10 years of my life now learning and delving deeper in to the things that support life and created our universe.
However, when I was very young, 8 in fact, my granddad passed away. I had a huge bond with him and he always showed me what was right and wrong and, other than my mum, was the person I looked up to the most. Shortly after he passed on, I became very aware of mirrors. Some of which I could not look in to for fear there was someone looking back. Not every single mirror though, just select ones and no matter how long I avoided one of these scary mirrors, it would feel exactly the same if I happened to go near it. This is something I have dealt with for the past 20 years and become almost used to. I kept this to myself for years thinking I was just a bit weird until one night my sister explained she got exactly the same feeling. One particular mirror had brought this event to ahead and was promptly removed by us to stop us both freaking out so often... it was placed on a wall in-between our bedroom doors!
After this even, and a conversation with our mum, my sister became increasingly interested in what it could be. This lead her to several "reading" that I dismissed as a rip off and didn't want to know what they had been told but both her and our mum enjoyed it and seemed to get something from them. They were very honest about if they had been told a lot of rubbish but had 2 reading that they said were amazing. One of which my sister was told to say nothing, just to sit down and relax. The man doing the reading started laughing and she got a little scared... the man told her he had Ken with him, this was my granddad's name. He said Ken is laughing at you because you're scared of the mirror, "he is the man in the mirror" the man said to my sister. Assured her not to be scared because he was just watching over us all. Needless to say this freaked me out big time! How could this man know this to make it up? It was impossible! It had to be true and that was very hard for me to come to terms with. There was no explanation, no reason and certainly no scientific reason for what had been happening for years and was private between me, my sister and my mum.
Anyway, after a long period I just accepted this but chose not to take it as a religious thing. He was there and I embraced this to the point I know when he is there and I talk to him. He comes in very handy if I have miss placed something as well but likes to hide things every now and then.
Almost 2 and a half years ago my mum was diagnosed with PKD which is a kidney disease and was going to lead to her needing a transplant or dialysis. I decided I would offer to donate to her if I could and proceeded to go through a year of tests and consultations leading to me being a near perfect match for each other. The date came through and the surgery was a success. I'm not going to go through the whole thing nor am I playing the amazing thing down, this forum isn't about that but you should all know I am very proud of what I was able to do. On coming home I didn't really know how I was feeling. My mum had to stay in longer than I did and I was missing her terribly, but, when she came home I felt so much better.
The first night she was home we all went to our rooms as usual and I eventually fell asleep. This is when my life was thrown in to conflict. That night I had a dream. The first part was the same daft dream that you know is a dream. Things happening and people there that you know can't be. I was on an assault course with school friends and we were all back in school. It became an increasingly hard course which culminated in me being extremely tired and covered in cuts. I made my way to a HUGE stately home where I knew I had to sleep. I became distraught as I couldn't find my room in this huge place so decided to look for a bathroom where I would be able to clean myself up then continue on to my room. Up on entering this bathroom everything changed. I was there, not dreaming, I was really there! The room was so bright and beautifully decorated. Pure white with brilliant gold trim and so crisp was the light that it felt like it bathed my skin. The room was large, so large that I couldn't see the back of it, almost infinite. As I walked through the door there was a bank of sinks to my left with large mirrors in front of them, like you would see in ans bathroom. To my right there was a rail, very intricately detailed and a deep gold colour. Beyond the rail there were seats, almost like a waiting room. I thought to myself that is a really strange thing to have in a bathroom but didn't feel I needed to question it. There was a figure there but I didn't expect anything of it as it was a bathroom. I turned to my left to a sink and turned a tap on, leant down to wash my face and then stood up properly to wipe my face with my hands. As I di, the figure was stood right next to me having made no noise travelling across the tiled floor. As I looked at him I recognised him instantly but had no clue how I knew his face or where from. He smiled at me and I was speechless, overwhelmed that he was there and that this was happening. He said hello to me and told me not to be scared. My breath was taken away, genuinely I could not say a word or do a thing. He moved his arm as if to offer me a seat and I sat down still not being able to get my words out. He then said 2 things to me. The first being about my mum, I can remember perfectly what he said but I will keep this personal. The second being "I know I don't look like your typical guardian" and I managed to reply with broken breath "you don't choose your friends for how they look". With this he smiled at me and I "woke up". Back in my room, on my own. I was so overwhelmed by this I just sat there with tears running down my face not knowing how what had just happened could of happened. I have been avoiding posting this until I was sure I wanted people to know, but, having read a few posts on here I'm hoping people might understand. Bearing in mind I am not religious and have never aspired to be given this experience, I hasten to ask if I am blessed.
Sorry this is a long post but I felt in needed to be explained properly so that I might make you see exactly how I feel. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope it doesn't come across as me being a bit mental.
Jay.
I'm 28 now and have never been religious. I apologise now if this causes any offence to anyone, it really is not my intention. I was never brought up having any commitment to any religion and never went to church, other than friends/family's weddings/funerals. My mum allowed me to decide for myself weather I wanted to be part of a religion when I was old and wise enough to make my own mind up. I came to the conclusion that this was not for me and continued my life choosing instead to believe in the things that could be proved. I have spent a good 10 years of my life now learning and delving deeper in to the things that support life and created our universe.
However, when I was very young, 8 in fact, my granddad passed away. I had a huge bond with him and he always showed me what was right and wrong and, other than my mum, was the person I looked up to the most. Shortly after he passed on, I became very aware of mirrors. Some of which I could not look in to for fear there was someone looking back. Not every single mirror though, just select ones and no matter how long I avoided one of these scary mirrors, it would feel exactly the same if I happened to go near it. This is something I have dealt with for the past 20 years and become almost used to. I kept this to myself for years thinking I was just a bit weird until one night my sister explained she got exactly the same feeling. One particular mirror had brought this event to ahead and was promptly removed by us to stop us both freaking out so often... it was placed on a wall in-between our bedroom doors!
After this even, and a conversation with our mum, my sister became increasingly interested in what it could be. This lead her to several "reading" that I dismissed as a rip off and didn't want to know what they had been told but both her and our mum enjoyed it and seemed to get something from them. They were very honest about if they had been told a lot of rubbish but had 2 reading that they said were amazing. One of which my sister was told to say nothing, just to sit down and relax. The man doing the reading started laughing and she got a little scared... the man told her he had Ken with him, this was my granddad's name. He said Ken is laughing at you because you're scared of the mirror, "he is the man in the mirror" the man said to my sister. Assured her not to be scared because he was just watching over us all. Needless to say this freaked me out big time! How could this man know this to make it up? It was impossible! It had to be true and that was very hard for me to come to terms with. There was no explanation, no reason and certainly no scientific reason for what had been happening for years and was private between me, my sister and my mum.
Anyway, after a long period I just accepted this but chose not to take it as a religious thing. He was there and I embraced this to the point I know when he is there and I talk to him. He comes in very handy if I have miss placed something as well but likes to hide things every now and then.
Almost 2 and a half years ago my mum was diagnosed with PKD which is a kidney disease and was going to lead to her needing a transplant or dialysis. I decided I would offer to donate to her if I could and proceeded to go through a year of tests and consultations leading to me being a near perfect match for each other. The date came through and the surgery was a success. I'm not going to go through the whole thing nor am I playing the amazing thing down, this forum isn't about that but you should all know I am very proud of what I was able to do. On coming home I didn't really know how I was feeling. My mum had to stay in longer than I did and I was missing her terribly, but, when she came home I felt so much better.
The first night she was home we all went to our rooms as usual and I eventually fell asleep. This is when my life was thrown in to conflict. That night I had a dream. The first part was the same daft dream that you know is a dream. Things happening and people there that you know can't be. I was on an assault course with school friends and we were all back in school. It became an increasingly hard course which culminated in me being extremely tired and covered in cuts. I made my way to a HUGE stately home where I knew I had to sleep. I became distraught as I couldn't find my room in this huge place so decided to look for a bathroom where I would be able to clean myself up then continue on to my room. Up on entering this bathroom everything changed. I was there, not dreaming, I was really there! The room was so bright and beautifully decorated. Pure white with brilliant gold trim and so crisp was the light that it felt like it bathed my skin. The room was large, so large that I couldn't see the back of it, almost infinite. As I walked through the door there was a bank of sinks to my left with large mirrors in front of them, like you would see in ans bathroom. To my right there was a rail, very intricately detailed and a deep gold colour. Beyond the rail there were seats, almost like a waiting room. I thought to myself that is a really strange thing to have in a bathroom but didn't feel I needed to question it. There was a figure there but I didn't expect anything of it as it was a bathroom. I turned to my left to a sink and turned a tap on, leant down to wash my face and then stood up properly to wipe my face with my hands. As I di, the figure was stood right next to me having made no noise travelling across the tiled floor. As I looked at him I recognised him instantly but had no clue how I knew his face or where from. He smiled at me and I was speechless, overwhelmed that he was there and that this was happening. He said hello to me and told me not to be scared. My breath was taken away, genuinely I could not say a word or do a thing. He moved his arm as if to offer me a seat and I sat down still not being able to get my words out. He then said 2 things to me. The first being about my mum, I can remember perfectly what he said but I will keep this personal. The second being "I know I don't look like your typical guardian" and I managed to reply with broken breath "you don't choose your friends for how they look". With this he smiled at me and I "woke up". Back in my room, on my own. I was so overwhelmed by this I just sat there with tears running down my face not knowing how what had just happened could of happened. I have been avoiding posting this until I was sure I wanted people to know, but, having read a few posts on here I'm hoping people might understand. Bearing in mind I am not religious and have never aspired to be given this experience, I hasten to ask if I am blessed.
Sorry this is a long post but I felt in needed to be explained properly so that I might make you see exactly how I feel. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope it doesn't come across as me being a bit mental.
Jay.