Adopted child syndrome

[gjambor]

Anyone here have any experience with trauma caused by adoption ? My son who is 16 now was adopted by my wife and I when he was 9 months old. On top of being separated from his birth mother right after birth, he was premature and addicted to crack cocaine. Up until a few years he was a happy child. He does have ADD so his learning is challenged . He is a very caring , kind , and gentle person. When he was mowing our lawn, he stopped , got off the mower and had to chase a cricket so he wouldn't run it over. We have been having trouble with him lying and stealing. His self esteem is very low. He's seen 2 different psychologists, didn't seem to help him. Next we are taking him to a non secular therapist who is a Deacon at a local church who also adopted 12 children, some with similar backgrounds . I believe he has subconscious issues causing these problems. His mental and physical development has been delayed his whole life. The new therapist said he needs a psychiatric evaluation and proper medication. He did see a neurologist who prescribed Adderall, which is a stimulant, but he had adverse physical reactions , plus no change in his attention.
Even if no one has any input, a prayer for Chris in NewJersey would be appreciated .

[Sandy]

Hi gjambour,

God bless your sweet son. Chris is in my prayers.

I can't imagine what he and you all are going through but I will say that my eldest grandson who is 9 years old now had serious trouble that began at about 4 years old. This was a stressful time that stretched over 2-3 years. It took some time just to get an appointment with a child psychiatrist as there are just not enough of them but when they did finally speak with one, they began the process of determining the actual problem and the medicines and the dosage best for him. It was a difficult process with dosage changes, medicine changes but he is in a good place now.

I tell you this because I want you to have hope that Chris to will get the help and the medications that will help him through this. I believe this is correct..

The new therapist said he needs a psychiatric evaluation and proper medication.

It was only through this process that my grandson found the specific help and medication.

...and now my youngest grandson seems to be having the same or very similar problem. And he waits as before with his brother for an opportunity to see a child psychiatrist.

I'm so sorry I can't really offer any real help... but know I will pray for Chris and all of you with the heart of a grandmother who understands the trauma involved. Hang in there.

with love,
Sandy

[gjambor]

Thanks, Sandy

[sammy]

Good Morning Gj,

Sorry I am late to the game on this one. Both of my sons have been through therapy however for different reasons than Chris. Behavioral health can be so tricky. Proper evaluation is key, and having a therapist that your child can truly connect with is essential. And as Sandy said, getting an appointment can be a wait.

Many times taking things that don't belong to you and lying can be signs of other things such as a cry for help (among other things). In the meantime, providing a non-judgmental, open environment for him to communicate may help. Maybe you are better at this than I was, I thought I had that openness with my kids, but in retrospect, my worries for them caused my reactions to create an environment that was less than "safe" for them to openly communicate.

Have you heard of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? We had great luck with "partial inpatient therapy" where they used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy among other techniques. In a partial inpatient program (if you can find a GOOD one) the patient can sleep at home but is in therapy 8 hours a day, ranging from 7 days to 6 weeks depending on the issue. They do a thorough evaluation, if medication is necessary this is a good way to try to find the right med and dosage, they do one on one and group therapy (which is awesome because it helps the child understand they aren't alone in what they are going through).

I pray Chris is surrounded by love, light and protection. I pray Chris has the proper help and that Chris glides life with love and grace and confidence.

Please let us know how Chris does with the Deacon.

LOVE!!!!
Sammyjo

[Starwalker]

Hi Gjambor,

I was sorry to hear that your son is having these troubles. I have an 18 year-old son myself, so I know the challenges of parenthood. Your son seems to have been given an unfortunate start in life, and there are many more like him. I really hope you are able to help him forge a normal and happy life. I don’t have much experience in this field, but your story brought to mind a celestial message from a couple years ago concerning a child who was prone to “meltdowns.” Dr. Mendoza had this advice to give, perhaps it is also relevant to your son:

Greetings, my student, this is Dr. Mendoza. There is quite a large body of information that I have gathered on our youngster. There are a number of recommendations I will make. First of all, the so-called medicinal ‘upper’ he is daily taking is quite the opposite of what he truly needs. A ‘seratonin-enhancing’ medicine is called for and that will now happen soon enough as he will be treated by the best of professionals. Seratonin, a famous truth drug, will make him think instead of swiftly losing all reasoning and going into one of his instant ‘melt-downs’ that I, indeed, witnessed at his home.

I need you and many of your readers to understand that VR (Virtual Reality) can seriously and also permanently interfere with the brain’s function as well as the psyche of a percentage of users of rather young age. You (humans) will begin doing your research into this new general product only when this becomes obvious and frankly beyond doubt. Angels and especially Cherubim guarding your young children have for years recorded that there are notable mood swings in some of the susceptable young ones.

There was a criminal 16 generations back from this young man, as you say, “an absolute rogue” and some of that DNA quirk has come to the fore at this time. As well there is bipolar illness and suicide in the immediate family. However, rest assured that the problem with this boy will be overcome. He will need close supervision till then.

It seems that finding the correct medication will be the biggest hurdle. I pray that you are successful with that. Dr. Mendoza also talks a little about some causes. We may not have control over our genetic inheritance, but we can control our environment to some degree. Kids today are facing a different world that none of us quite understand. This is kind of scary when some of these products can affect our brain functions. Perhaps this is something to consider? Medications will be important, but he will also need your love, guidance, and restraint when making healthy life choices. And he may continue to need this well into his adult life. While he may face mental health challenges, he is still very lucky to have someone like you in his life. There are many others like him who do not have the support they need. Let’s pray that our world gets it together soon.. one person at a time.

God bless,
Jon

[Seeker13]

Gjambor,
As you can see(as you're probably painfully aware of) there are as many solutions as there are children. Sifting through the mountain of medications and people who can help your son, a momentous task. The medical crisis of today, only makes the job harder escalating people's general fear. After many years of immersion I've come to believe fear(along with likely genetic inheritances), is at the crux of the problem.

There are most often many layers causing a person's difficulties in adjusting, and each of those individual stressors are surrounded in their own pocket of fear. Until the proper medication and therapist can be weeded out, maybe you, your wife, and son can start by coming together and try to begin to unravel the layers. On the surface this may seem like it's your son's problem. The reality is everyone around him brings their own baggage to the pot. The combined feelings, actions and reactions affect you all. So it seems logical it would take all of you to sort it out.

First identify what the 'problems' might be, anything and everything, and not only for your son. Write every idea down on a big piece of paper as quickly as it comes to mind. Under no circumstance is anyone allowed to judge what another has written. Usually it's quite surprising seeing how many different factors are at work with this seemingly one individual concern. People often realize, "It's no wonder my kid is struggling! No one could shoulder all this on their own!" Then agree to pick one to begin working on. Maybe even one for each of you. Many feelings and fears may come out in this process that you had no idea the other person was carrying.

Let's face it, being sixteen has it's own challenges, let alone any emotional factors that may be present. That could take up a whole other sheet of paper. Brain studies have shown that a sixteen-year-old's brain has basically the same make up as a two-year-old's. Entering puberty causes this and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Essentially, we are asking teenagers to grow up and take on more adult responsibilities and decisions when they possess the coping skills of toddlers. This is not a judgment it's an explanation. Strategies need to keep this in mind when deciding how best to handle what your family is going through right now.

Parental and outside behaviors NOT helpful to the process are:
conveying to a kid there is something wrong with them that needs to be fixed
this is their problem alone and parents have no responsibility in it's creation
feeling sorry for them
over protecting
enabling
relinquishing them from responsibility for their words and actions
making excuses for them
rushing in to fix everything
denying there is a problem
...

There is no such thing as 'normal'. Every person struggles with one issue or another. In the broader spiritual perspective, the situations we are facing while on this planet have been placed in our path by ourselves in agreement with those around us. You may have heard of the influx of special children being placed on our planet in great numbers, referred to as the indigo, crystal, rainbow kids( the list keeps growing). Their purpose is to wake the world up! They bring with them enhanced gifts and challenges. They are demanding to be seen and heard, mainly I think to change our own behavior, shaking us out of our complacency.

You, your wife, and child have the honor of working through what ever that presents in this lifetime. They are a gift to us. Whether we choose to believe it or not, it is what it is. We can take a deep breath, face the onslaught with renewed vigor, following through and work on reconciling those things within and without ourselves leading to a new awakening,... or not and let everything remain the same.

My hope with this tirade was to offer a different perspective to view your present circumstances. There is hope, contentment, and peace of mind waiting for you all on the other side of this challenge.

Kim