Signs or false hope.
Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 11:59 am
Hi everyone hope you can help me understand everything.
So my story begins in 2013, when i felt lonely and start thinking about all my relationships i had. Then i lied down looked at the stars and "build up" the perfect girl for me. But then i was like "yea right, such girl with those characteristics and everything in one can't exist". So i moved on with my life completely forgot about that "wish" cause i also wished i can meet and be with such a girl and finally be happy after all previous failures for relationships. I wanted like to find love in the movies.
Time passed it was may 2014 already and i had plans to go to UK for the summer to work, but i was waiting to be june 1st, because i was going on a course before and i had to bring them some papers so they could give me back some transport money. And i was planning to leave on 7th june. And my uncle was constantly asking if i'm really going to leave or should he find me a job in the hotel. And previous years when i was working there i was a bell boy at the reception, and if i was going to work there i wanted to work the same so he had a space open for me there. Also i was interested with who are going to be the girls on the receptions and if they were going to be pretty. And they were usually 3, i saw them all and wasn't so fond of them and was 99% sure i'm going to leave for UK. But then i was told there is a 4th one, for the first time since the hotel was open, there was going to be a 4th reception girl and i was surprised who is she and how is that. (also 4 is my lucky number, all my life it brings me luck idk how to explain it. I even had 3 girls i had sexual relations to and wanted the 4th one to be special)
Then on 3rd june i we went to the movies with my cousin. We came back and went to their hotel, cause his car was parked there so he could take me home. When we entered he said "this is Kari" (that was the 4th girl on the reception and her birth day is on 4th), but i heard "Hari" and was like what. Then he repeated it, but i still heard the same thing. I saw the way she looked at me, she was like "who the hell is that" in the bad way. And i was like "why did he introduced her to me, i never asked anyone who is the last girl" in my mind. And then we left. On 5th i came back to the hotel and she was working again. And i was walking around the hotel and was seeing her everywhere. Then i sat down on the lobby couch. I was waiting for something, but then like my inner voice told me to go to reception and talk to her and the bell boy. I went there and start talking to the bell boy cause she was so pretty and i'm nervous around pretty girls. But then i said something i like to do and she said "me too" and she didn't say anything before that. Then we start talking for a lot of things and i was only talking to her, we totally ignored the guy. And he went to the toilet and we were like, "wow did you notice we ignored him" in the same time and we laughed at that, then we felt sorry for him cause he was just standing there watching us talk and couldn't say something to fit. When i left i knew there is something special about that girl and told my uncle i'm not going to leave i would stay and work there. And then i started seeing 1111 everywhere. I found her in Facebook and we start chatting almost 24/7, when we were at work we talked all the time for all kind of topics.
For the 4 months we worked together. We got so close. She knows everything about me and i know everything about her. We're practically the same person in different bodies. We're so alike. Same interests in everything. She was the girl i was dreaming about 1 year ago. And also cause some of my friends call me Phoenix, as my name shows too. Idk how i mentioned it in front of her that i like Phoenixes alot. And she said she has a Phoenix tattoo and showed it to me. I was shocked. We had a connection i could feel it. She liked me, i liked her. I ended up in love, and when i told her how i feel (because i have never lied or kept secrets from her) she told me, that she don't feel the same. Everything went back to normal we we're still close and everything was the same all the time. Sometimes when we were somewhere i could see the look in her eyes it was like she wanted me to kiss her. So i tried but she pushed me back and said "i will kill you" but in the good way. After several days, we were out talking about stuff and there was this look in our eyes again. This time she leaned to kiss me but then she pulled back. I didn't say anything. I didn't want to pressure her, cause she had some weird "relationship" with her ex. But this is another story and i will save you that. But because of her ex, i was jealous and nervous that i will "lose" her even as the friends we were. During those 4 months i was seeing 1111 on mostly car signs and the clock .. but like 1nce a week.
Even because one day we were kidding. That she's black (because she goes to the beach) and i'm like white (cause i don't) and i told her the story about the "perfect girl" when i told her my feelings. We were kidding that we were like the Yin Yang sign. That we are one. And i bought a necklace with 2 parts (yin yang) and gave her the Yang (the white part) and kept the Yin (black) so we can like have each other, even if something happen to us and we're not that close anymore. I never did that for another girl before.
And when i told her the story of how i wanted to meet a girl like her and everything. She thought it's just a weird coincidence. Because she don't believe in fate and that everything happens for a reason (maybe this is our only difference). And one day we talked and she told me she got the job in a strange way too. (Short story). A friend, of a friend, of one of her professors in university was looking for a girl for a job and her professor said that this is the perfect job for her. So she agreed and that's how she became the 4th one, 2 days before i saw her for the first time.
So after the 4 months June-Sep. Season ended and we start fighting a lot. We still talk every now and then, but it's not like before. And tomorrow (Feb 1) it will be 4 months that i haven't seen her. For those past 4 months Oct-Feb. We mostly fight and don't talk to each other. But there are some times we talk like the old times. So for those months i was literally "praying" for help from the angels. To help me, guide me, on what should i do and to give me a sign if me and her will be together. Cause i have that inner feeling that we're going to end together. Cause for me nothing of what happened is a coincidence. Ever since i asked them for help. I started seeing 1111 and 222 like 2-3 times per day. I am seeing them everywhere. On the clock, car signs, gas prices, when i play a game in the damage meters, number of people liked/shared something. In december when we were mostly fighting and not talking i had a dream about her and when i woke up it was 11:11. I also see 333,444,555,888 sometimes. But rarely and not everyday. One day i was like "Give me a sign, i need to know if everything is only and empty hope for me or that i'm going to be with her again" or smth like that and in the next minute i saw 222. Checked somewhere in the internet and it said, it's something about that i have to have patience.
And the thing that made me write all of this, is the reason for last night. Yesterday i don't know what happened. We were talking again and we were talking about our feelings. I told her with me nothing changed and is all the same. She said that for now, she don't feel anything at all, for anyone. And that she want to feel something even if it hurts. She want to feel something so strong again. And like i was full of feelings, she is empty, and she said "there should be at least 1 thing we have different at least for now" and i said. "Not it's not a difference, it's balance. We're one. And if i'm full, you have to be the empty. But it was going to be better if we were equally full to keep our balance".
And before i went to sleep i "prayed" again. To help her find he lost feelings for me, to help bring back the time we had together like before. And so she can finally realize what we had/have. Then i fell asleep and had a dream. It was long one, but the only part i remember was that me and her were in a room, the TV was on and there was 1111 on the TV screen. She looked at me smiled, i leaned to kiss her but she smiled at me again disappeared and i woke up. Took my Ipod to see if there are new msgs from her and the time was 11:11. This was the whole reason i told you my story.
I don't know if this 1111 and 222 i'm seeing is kind of message to help me keep my hopes up that we're going to end together. Or that they are just coincidence and i'm fooling myself because i'm in love with her and the past we had, for my "wish" and everything like it happened. So i'm hoping you can help me find out.
Sorry for the long post (this is the shortest story), but i had to share the story to help you at least see my point of view. Also sorry for my English i'm Bulgarian. And also i have hard time explaining things. Maybe some things may not make enough sense, but i tried my best explaining everything.
So my story begins in 2013, when i felt lonely and start thinking about all my relationships i had. Then i lied down looked at the stars and "build up" the perfect girl for me. But then i was like "yea right, such girl with those characteristics and everything in one can't exist". So i moved on with my life completely forgot about that "wish" cause i also wished i can meet and be with such a girl and finally be happy after all previous failures for relationships. I wanted like to find love in the movies.
Time passed it was may 2014 already and i had plans to go to UK for the summer to work, but i was waiting to be june 1st, because i was going on a course before and i had to bring them some papers so they could give me back some transport money. And i was planning to leave on 7th june. And my uncle was constantly asking if i'm really going to leave or should he find me a job in the hotel. And previous years when i was working there i was a bell boy at the reception, and if i was going to work there i wanted to work the same so he had a space open for me there. Also i was interested with who are going to be the girls on the receptions and if they were going to be pretty. And they were usually 3, i saw them all and wasn't so fond of them and was 99% sure i'm going to leave for UK. But then i was told there is a 4th one, for the first time since the hotel was open, there was going to be a 4th reception girl and i was surprised who is she and how is that. (also 4 is my lucky number, all my life it brings me luck idk how to explain it. I even had 3 girls i had sexual relations to and wanted the 4th one to be special)
Then on 3rd june i we went to the movies with my cousin. We came back and went to their hotel, cause his car was parked there so he could take me home. When we entered he said "this is Kari" (that was the 4th girl on the reception and her birth day is on 4th), but i heard "Hari" and was like what. Then he repeated it, but i still heard the same thing. I saw the way she looked at me, she was like "who the hell is that" in the bad way. And i was like "why did he introduced her to me, i never asked anyone who is the last girl" in my mind. And then we left. On 5th i came back to the hotel and she was working again. And i was walking around the hotel and was seeing her everywhere. Then i sat down on the lobby couch. I was waiting for something, but then like my inner voice told me to go to reception and talk to her and the bell boy. I went there and start talking to the bell boy cause she was so pretty and i'm nervous around pretty girls. But then i said something i like to do and she said "me too" and she didn't say anything before that. Then we start talking for a lot of things and i was only talking to her, we totally ignored the guy. And he went to the toilet and we were like, "wow did you notice we ignored him" in the same time and we laughed at that, then we felt sorry for him cause he was just standing there watching us talk and couldn't say something to fit. When i left i knew there is something special about that girl and told my uncle i'm not going to leave i would stay and work there. And then i started seeing 1111 everywhere. I found her in Facebook and we start chatting almost 24/7, when we were at work we talked all the time for all kind of topics.
For the 4 months we worked together. We got so close. She knows everything about me and i know everything about her. We're practically the same person in different bodies. We're so alike. Same interests in everything. She was the girl i was dreaming about 1 year ago. And also cause some of my friends call me Phoenix, as my name shows too. Idk how i mentioned it in front of her that i like Phoenixes alot. And she said she has a Phoenix tattoo and showed it to me. I was shocked. We had a connection i could feel it. She liked me, i liked her. I ended up in love, and when i told her how i feel (because i have never lied or kept secrets from her) she told me, that she don't feel the same. Everything went back to normal we we're still close and everything was the same all the time. Sometimes when we were somewhere i could see the look in her eyes it was like she wanted me to kiss her. So i tried but she pushed me back and said "i will kill you" but in the good way. After several days, we were out talking about stuff and there was this look in our eyes again. This time she leaned to kiss me but then she pulled back. I didn't say anything. I didn't want to pressure her, cause she had some weird "relationship" with her ex. But this is another story and i will save you that. But because of her ex, i was jealous and nervous that i will "lose" her even as the friends we were. During those 4 months i was seeing 1111 on mostly car signs and the clock .. but like 1nce a week.
Even because one day we were kidding. That she's black (because she goes to the beach) and i'm like white (cause i don't) and i told her the story about the "perfect girl" when i told her my feelings. We were kidding that we were like the Yin Yang sign. That we are one. And i bought a necklace with 2 parts (yin yang) and gave her the Yang (the white part) and kept the Yin (black) so we can like have each other, even if something happen to us and we're not that close anymore. I never did that for another girl before.
And when i told her the story of how i wanted to meet a girl like her and everything. She thought it's just a weird coincidence. Because she don't believe in fate and that everything happens for a reason (maybe this is our only difference). And one day we talked and she told me she got the job in a strange way too. (Short story). A friend, of a friend, of one of her professors in university was looking for a girl for a job and her professor said that this is the perfect job for her. So she agreed and that's how she became the 4th one, 2 days before i saw her for the first time.
So after the 4 months June-Sep. Season ended and we start fighting a lot. We still talk every now and then, but it's not like before. And tomorrow (Feb 1) it will be 4 months that i haven't seen her. For those past 4 months Oct-Feb. We mostly fight and don't talk to each other. But there are some times we talk like the old times. So for those months i was literally "praying" for help from the angels. To help me, guide me, on what should i do and to give me a sign if me and her will be together. Cause i have that inner feeling that we're going to end together. Cause for me nothing of what happened is a coincidence. Ever since i asked them for help. I started seeing 1111 and 222 like 2-3 times per day. I am seeing them everywhere. On the clock, car signs, gas prices, when i play a game in the damage meters, number of people liked/shared something. In december when we were mostly fighting and not talking i had a dream about her and when i woke up it was 11:11. I also see 333,444,555,888 sometimes. But rarely and not everyday. One day i was like "Give me a sign, i need to know if everything is only and empty hope for me or that i'm going to be with her again" or smth like that and in the next minute i saw 222. Checked somewhere in the internet and it said, it's something about that i have to have patience.
And the thing that made me write all of this, is the reason for last night. Yesterday i don't know what happened. We were talking again and we were talking about our feelings. I told her with me nothing changed and is all the same. She said that for now, she don't feel anything at all, for anyone. And that she want to feel something even if it hurts. She want to feel something so strong again. And like i was full of feelings, she is empty, and she said "there should be at least 1 thing we have different at least for now" and i said. "Not it's not a difference, it's balance. We're one. And if i'm full, you have to be the empty. But it was going to be better if we were equally full to keep our balance".
And before i went to sleep i "prayed" again. To help her find he lost feelings for me, to help bring back the time we had together like before. And so she can finally realize what we had/have. Then i fell asleep and had a dream. It was long one, but the only part i remember was that me and her were in a room, the TV was on and there was 1111 on the TV screen. She looked at me smiled, i leaned to kiss her but she smiled at me again disappeared and i woke up. Took my Ipod to see if there are new msgs from her and the time was 11:11. This was the whole reason i told you my story.
I don't know if this 1111 and 222 i'm seeing is kind of message to help me keep my hopes up that we're going to end together. Or that they are just coincidence and i'm fooling myself because i'm in love with her and the past we had, for my "wish" and everything like it happened. So i'm hoping you can help me find out.
Sorry for the long post (this is the shortest story), but i had to share the story to help you at least see my point of view. Also sorry for my English i'm Bulgarian. And also i have hard time explaining things. Maybe some things may not make enough sense, but i tried my best explaining everything.
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