I'm with both of you there!
....and I think Sarah may be onto something here...
I'm wondering though is it the heart that is really closed and unable to feel or is it the brain/memory telling the heart not to feel..
Years ago I learned to shut down, put all the painful stuff completely out of my mind and go on as if nothing had happened. I didn't feel the hurt anymore and I thought it was a good thing. Well, it did allow me to create a peaceful environment for those around me but it was not healthy for me in any way shape or form because the pain, the problems, the heart break, were still there, stored in the very fabric of my body... and when they did resurface oh my, what a mess!
So how do we heal from such wounds and have a healthier, more peaceful and productive mind, heart, emotions and physical lives? Truly more than I can answer, but I was startled to see a synchronicity in what you posted here, Nikki...
" I've only had it happen once but it seems to close up again at the tiniest of stressors and I start back at square one again unable to feel much. "
That very phrase was used this morning by my celestial Teacher while we were discussing a problem that in a way is similar and in another way different. I know that makes little sense, but my concern at the time, was my inability to also follow through with "a particular way of being kind of thing"... something that would benefit me enormously. Yet, I can never make it past just a few days of this "spiritual exercise" and I was wondering why?
To my surprise, my Teacher asked me simply to think way back to when I was a child and a distant memory. One tiny event that I hadn't thought about in years came to the foreground. It didn't appear to be life shattering at all or rather, "intention shattering"... but there it was! I was confused and baffled at first how this had anything at all to do with my inability to continue healthy and productive "me work." But then it became clear as this incident in question represented the first "nips" by life at my self confidence which underlies a lot of difficulties large and small I have experienced in my life.
Of course, I couldn't fathom how poor self esteem could affect what seemed a totally different problem...self improvement.
This is what my Teacher said, when I questioned him...
"Self esteem is very much linked to the process of self improvement because an underlying feeling, a certainty that the desired change, habit, or way of being is possible is at the very core of success in this area. Without faith or even a strong belief that it is possible, your efforts are built on shaky ground and will collapse with the tiniest of stressors and social pressure."
So, I asked him, how to heal, much as you did with your problems of the heart, and he answered in a way that might be able to give us both a bit of a "game plan," each with our slightly differing problem, should we be willing to put ourselves whole heartedly into it...
me: "How do I turn this all around?"
"With determination! Keep your goal and outcome firmly in your mind, how you wish to be, to feel, to exist. Visualize it, live it, be it over and over again until you wake up one morning and realize you have already attained your goal." Train yourself to once again believe in your beautiful self. The more you connect with and visualize this person you truly are on the inside, a divine child, the quicker you will recognize her on the outside."
(I just saw a 1:23 prompt...Love those showing progress...for you and for me.
)
So Nikki, please don't give up this ongoing process of healing your heart. I think even though you feel you are not making much headway in your efforts, you are really moving forwards in increments, measurable if not by you at this time, by your angels and guides and your beloved God within.
Love to you and Sarah on this cloudy and even a little chilly Aussie afternoon.
Sandy