If i can help a little bit here dub, i can give you some tips on how you can stay positive when it seems the world is against you.
Close to a year ago, i was nearly in the same boat as you..ive even dealt with loss recently as my good friend Marv, my freind that was with me in my street lights phenomenon post, past away a couple days ago. That was a huge blow to me, as i did everything i could to help the guy out...and he was always happy. I mean, the guy was nearly paralyzed on the entire right half of his body, it slurred his speech and made him nearly unrecognizable when he tried to talk. It took me a litte over a year to establish what i called, MarvSpeak
it wasnt much, but it helped to come to a basic understanding when he tried to talk to you. i know im going off topic here a little bit, but sometimes i kinda beat myself up a bit over his passing. i should have realized the day before he went, he speech was getting so hard to understand, and it took me nearly a half an hour of guess work to figure out he needed to go to a paritcular doctor in a particular city. i should have seen it coming and at times, it really does kill a small part of me when i think about it. After i took him to the doctor and got some bloodwork done, i dropped him off at home and said id play some chess when i got back home.
He never came over that night, the next day...he was gone. And that was just a few days ago...
I know with your recent passing in your life, maybe reading this kind of thing hurts a little...i dont intend to do that. i truly dont, but i can relate to the feeling, the loss. its devastating and when your on a spirtual track and your trying to employ a constant postive attitude, this comes as a huge blow.
But im back on track, and im back to trying to be happy...well not so much trying, im back to having a complete postive attiude again. See, when i think of Old Marvin, i think of the memories. I think of how he was disabled in pain, but throughout all that adverstity, the unjust stares he would get when we went into public places...he still had a smile on his face.
Thats something i can learn from! That man had it worse than anyone i ever knew but yet...he still smiled, he still laughed! Those are the memories i cherish! And no matter what little thing ever comes my way, i tend to think of that and remember that no matter what difficult or stressfull thing comes my way, i just try to smile it off.
I know this kind of thing is easier said than done...but bear with me. lets go past what ive just related...lets think of the universe. Think of all the chaos thats out there, all the craziness...galaxies colliding into one another, planets without a sun...Then you see our galaxy. And you see that out of all that chaos, you see the peace and order thats in ours. Sure, we get that occasional comet or that asteroid that comes close to earth and we get a little panicked at times. But other than that, look at how all the planets have their perfect orbits. Think of this planet...how its in the perfect spot, the perfect orbit and life runs abound...and then you smile a little. You think of all that choas thats in the grander scheme of things and then you look at that guy that just cut you off when you were driving.
No blinker, no cosideration for your safety...what an IDIOT you scream!
But then...think of all the bigger things out there. think of all the craziness thats in our world and the real hardships that are out there that other people of the human race has to endure. Then think of the guy that just cut you off...how trivial a thing to get upset about.
The one person at work...you know who im talking about
You can have all these great people you work with but then you always have that ONE person that has to try and destroy the harmony. God does it really frustrate you!!
But then...you think of WHY that person is being the way they are being. You see the way this person acts and you step back a bit and really look...then you take a good look at yoruself. Why does this person frurstrate me so?? You KNOW your a better person than that...you KNOW that you dont have to let that persons misery (im going by what im dealing with at work if you cant tell lol) affect you. Thats what they are TRYING to do! Misery LOVES company and maybe it makes that person feel better when he/she knows she can find that one nerve youve got left in your body and twang the ever loving hell out of it.
But why? Why let this person or people get the best of you. You know what really frustrates them back in kind? Its when you geuninely smile and show them that their attitudes have no sway over you. You employ that, you live by that and then..you notice they move on to pick on someone else. They try to sense who they think are weak and try to bring them down to their level. Your better than that...."I AM" better than that! Not only do you do better for yourself, but the next person they go after...you can now help them. You can take your expeirences and try to motivate them to do the same as you.
Like i said, i know this is easier said than done...but theres something ive noticed at work here. Something greater than us and it IS something we can control! Have you ever noticed that the more negativity that you allow in, the more it seems "attracted" to you? Like you see yourself saying...god...nothing ever goes right for me!! Try reversing that. Its tough at first, but practice practice practice. Dont let the little things get to you, it starts the small fire of negativity that slowly turns into a blazing inferno that will totally effect your emotions.
If you wake in the morning and the first thing you do is stub your toe...instead of thinking of how unlucky that was for that to happen and before you start screaming and cursing while hopping up and down...just take some DEEP DEEP breaths...slowly the pain subsides..think of something that makes you happy as you deal with that throbbing but now slowly ebbing away pain. Stay positive, reapeat it over and over...say "its ok, its ok, its ok, this is no big deal" if that kind of thing will help. Then go brush your teeth
The more POSITIVE you let in, the more it seems attracted to you. Its a slow...or sometimes very fast..process. the more you let the joy and love in your soul be the reigning feeling inside of you, the more it attracts. People want to be around you, people want to question why your so happy...and maybe theyll ask you whats your secret.
Its easy...its the sheer power of positive thinking! Sure...some things may still get on your nerves, some things may still frustrate you...your human...it happens. But ultimately, stay positive. No matter how dark the situation might be or how little the stress may be...Keep trying to stay positive.
In the long run, or hell, in the short run...the feeling of inner peace will slowly come into your soul. The feeling that no matter what comes your way...that idiot who cuts you off or that person at work that tries to make you as mad as they are...they cant ultimately affect you. Dont worry about them, worry about yourself! Youll realize that when you focus on you, and only you, when it comes to finding that inner peace begins with just one positive thought. And instead of that campfire that builds into an inferno, its this little ray that builds instead. I know your thinking im a hippy now lol but hey, this is a start! That ray slowly builds inside you, turning into a joy that NO ONE can touch. NO ONE can bring you down to their level. And it all starts with that one thought...that thought that starts with what you really want out of your life, the reality that you make for yourself. Do you really want others and outside influences determine the level of your moods?
Or would you rather listen to yourself...and listen to what makes you happy. Start small, pace yourself...and youll soon realize...that happiness, that joy youve been searching for yourself....
It was inside of you, all along
Peace and love freind,
Jason