AJ,
There's some science that shows where we're at with the axis wobble and it being in one of the extremes right now, but it is difficult to find any good data to examine and some scientists disagree as to what even causes it. It's called the Chandler Wobble and it's on my list of interesting rabbit holes to explore. The less reliable stuff I've found claims our axis is pointed more at the Sun right now than is typical, and that this may make us more succeptible to solar events.I tried to dig deeper into it a couple times but kept finding extremists of people abandoning science and moving into the twilight zone/the sky is falling/get to the chopper style reasoning that I try to avoid.
Now ironically I'm posting on a site that others may feel the same way about. But for myself and my experience I know where 11:11 is and has been. My brain is not trained to look at the clock at 11:11 and does not subconsciously orchestrate my day. lol it would also have to keep track of the various incorrect times on the clocks in my house, workplace, cars and wrist watch in order to perpetrate such outlandish subconscious orchestrations. It's more than that, so much more, and the books I've read said the same thing, that life will be miserable until you wake the F up and listen. If you only knew the pain amplifier I've spent the last 10 years in, with sprinkles of joy along the way to give me contrast. As my daughter and I miraculously emerge from the other side, today on her second birthday, I can tell you friends;
The sleeper has awakened.
Tarot has been nice but it's like using smoke signals to teach a physics class. So after countless years of denail I am opening to channel. Months ago I spoke an oath to 'all that is' about giving myself up to whatever truth remains uncovered, whatever paths I am to be led to that they be made clear, and most importantly that my spirit submit to what I am led to. The same feeling inside me that tells me when people are lying, it's reliable. It knows when it's being led and I go. That new humility is altering my consciousness. I am being prepared, groomed, led, at times it feels like there is a conveyer belt beneath me and Kenzies lives. At others it feels ominously like I'm being offered new opportunities to respond in love to circumstances. To keep an open mind in the face of ideas and concepts that I cannot prove with logic or science. To watch my cards literally take me to the edge of where they can communicate and FEEL the line go dead. I'm am jacks' total sense of consumed.
KizzleKat,
You are SO right! It hit me like a ton of bricks, that I am her trustee and she is my sacred trust. people look at us and go on and on about our bond, or how I 'get' her, and in a sense they are describing what they see but cannot fully grasp. I was put here partly to shepherd her, to be her teacher and protector. For instance, I've heard my whole life about how I spoke a year before my twin brother, and for most of that year I interpreted what he was saying so my folks could understand. Guess what Kenzie is doing? She's got a half brother a few months older than her and when he's over for a weekend she has begun doing the same thing. I'm contemplating how to use that since it caused resentment in me later in life, and therefore I am preparing a better path for her.
Also there are stories about how I taught myself how to read, write, tie my shoes, I just got stuff on my own. Kenzie does the same thing, but I'm helping by doing things like turning on the closed-captioning on my TV, and always since birth have used adult sized words. She didn't learn soft, she learned gentle. She learned how to say remember a couple weeks ago by breaking down the syllables. She speaks in sentences in her mind already and the phonetics are the last piece to her being a full on chatterbox. It's a joy to be on the other side of perception and to make clear her path so that her challenges are appropriate and her learning styles are identified and accomodated. And I'm not going to let her teach her brother to read unless she really wants to. I wish I could have had a better spirit about it when I was a child, but my karma was and is, and on this backside of old energy I get the pleasure of righting wrongs and giving the gift of a thoughtful and energy filled childhood.
Whew! AWESOME hearing from both of you, I look forward to many amazing discoveries, discussions, connections and transfomations.
You know what the bible says after all the destruction in the book of Revelation?
Even so, come lord jesus.
I'm not uber religious in any faith but I love some of the messages in their books. I love it that there are others who, even in the face of impending doom, call on faith rather than panic. That face the coming changes and embrace them. I'm glad I'm finding myself amongst such people now.
Lurker,
I posted and then the board pushed it back and informed me of your post so I'm going to throw in a hello to you as well since my fingers are smokin.
Thank you for the warm welcome and I'm glad you enjoy hearing the stories of others. It is true that the best way to understand where we're at is to understand where we've been, and I so want to take the time and lay out the guantlet that I've run for the past few months. There's a Oprah worthy, warm fuzzy feeling book in all this once the proper time arrives, and depending on the state of the world it will be a notebook read aloud by candlelight or a bestseller like A Bridge Across Forever.
In the meantime there is much to be done, and part of that is sharing with this amazing group of people where I've been all this time. I mean, I was led to The Calling by Rasha in the late 90's and got goosebumps before even I cracked the cover. I read for an hour sitting on the floor of the bookstore before I could put it down long enough to pay and go home to finish it. I cried a number of times, but was also overwhelmed with disbelief. I was led to some books on quantum physics and buddhism as well, which gave me no fear or disbelief. I'm pretty sure I was placed in a holding pattern at that point until I had worked out some karma that was restricting my flow. If that's not the case then there's really no way to explain the tragedies that laid waiting in my future. Losing a child in 1998 by a mother who moved across the country and hid in another city while still pregnant was the first blow. That one almost killed me. I remember the darkest of days back then, contemplating suicide, and remembering that I was going to move through this karma one way or another, in this life or the next. This life or the next, that's what echoed over and over. It's the name of my book so nobody get any ideas
But that was the mantra, this life or the next. Now or later, and really - do you think it's going to be easier or harder later?
Harder, definitely harder.
I did not grow all I could, I played victim and fought through the courts, and lost. Mommies got most of the rights in some states and she picked a doozy. Also my victim mentality fed failure into the process intravenously. I moved through that time with much pain and loss. The end result was my ex pushed a non-consent step parent adoption through while dodging my process server (for over 2 weeks) so that by the time was able to serve paternity suit she had already completed the adoption and it took 2 more years to unseal the documents and prove they had not given me notification of the adoption and had done this illegally. The problem is adoption is almost impossible to overturn, by that time I lived in another state, and I had spent so much money just getting to that point that I was broke. At the advice of my attorney I settled the case by having my name entered into the adoption registry so there's a paper trail back to me if she ever wonders why she doesn't look like the other ducklings. I spent many years full of anger and resentment about this, even hatred whenever I came across dads who had opportunities I was denied and yet are barely qualifying as parents. To this day I'm still sickened, but even that is mellowing into sadness at the state of our culture rather than anger rather than singling anyone out.
But I maintained my victim status throughout all of this, so off goes the karmic boomerang to recreate events until I fffing learn my lesson. Fast forward to the last few years, I had an ex come back a couple months after we broke up and confess that the birth control she was on was really counting days after menstruation. Ah, learning to trust people and yet cover myself regardless. Pun halfway intended, sorri if that's graphic. anyway what does she do? Pulls up stakes and moves a few states away. I had spent many years trying to learn from my past experience and this time I did not play victim, I did not try to reconcile with mom, I focused on what was right for my boy and hammered that point home every chance I got. I worked with the courts but ended up fighting the battle out of state again despite my best efforts. But this time, I knew it was happening for a reason and there was something to learn. lol I still didn't get it all, but even still she miraculously moved back to my state (AZ) after a few months and we have built a good friendship based on what is best for our boy. He's wonderful and amazing and gentle and kind, and I rejoice that at least he has good access to his daddy and mommy.
But I had not learned all my lessons, I still sought to control, and I still played the victim card. I had not yet realized that I had been failing miserably in relationships because i was a people fixer. I was raised to believe that I was a twin and an equal with the same twin I taught how to read, how to write, hell I tied his shoes FOR him until third grade. I was never better than him, but it was not healthy to teach me that's my equal and what I should expect from an equal is for me to be a caregiver. Shame shame! But again what I believe was and is my karma, so I'm sucking it up and realizing I can't fix people - only myself. I can guide, I can offer assistance, I can teach - but I do that now for my children until I understand all of this more fully.
So while my son was off in Texas and I was reeling from this near identical set of circumstances 10 years later, my current girlfriend was pressuring me to marry her. I caved and we were married, and the next week lo and behold she was pregnant! (Could someone start the Jerry Springer theme music here?) My two kids are 2 months apart to the day. They are no less twins than me and my fraternal twin brother. They get along however and it is a very special experience watching karma unfold in such a loving way. Who could have known that a twin scenario would be borne of such past sadness?
lol but I'm not done. Soon after my daughter was born my rader started going off about my daughters mom, who is now my ex. She had a past history of addiction which I had helped her through years before, and I saw signs, got feelings, had hair stand up on end, everything my intuition always did when it was SCREAMING for me to pay attention. This time I did. But I did it quietly, because to confront my ex caused violent outburst in front of my baby girl. So I watched, I documented, I got therapy and counselling for us, I kept an open mind and worked on myself, and finally one day in therapy I learned what it was that made it possible for me to live in such a nightmare - there was HUGE stuff wrong with me inside! It turned out that since I was a child I have carried the burdens of others. Forced at first, until it became such a way of life that I subconsciously sought out mirror circumstances like the broken wife who was a masterful liar. Oh, and I learned I can't tell when someone is lying if they believe their lies, or if they lie all the time - there's no pattern anomaly to pick up on. There are other techniques which I'm learning now, but the amazing turning point in this story is when I took back my self-esteem and began the arduous process of unloading excess baggage. The process of removal continues.
But since that day many bullets have screamed by me and Kenzie. Grace led some people in her life to reach out to me about problems they had observed, and finally the truth of things began to emerge. The uncovering of the lies, theft, abuse, neglect and drug abuse began to unravel like a giant ball of yarn. And that's what her life turned out to be, a big yarn. Everywhere I turned there were more lies, more layers, and everyone had a different story about who my wife was. Somewhere in this time she attempted suicide and that was the push I needed to file papers. She is now bouncing around rehabs after moving out last month, and the courts granted me sole custody largely due to the mountain of data I collected and organized with the help of a child advocate. The walls of oppression have come tumbling down as I regain control of my self esteem and drive for the first time in my life - at least consciously. My daughter has transformed in just the last few months to this amazing being of light who understands the concept of life and death, that she has a soul, that she is a being of light, and that daddy is here for her always and forever.
I'm in the part in the matrix where Trinity says to Morpheus "What's he doing?" and Morpheus responds:
"He's beginning to believe"
Namaste friends. That's where I come from, when I speak of darkness there is none deeper than losing a child. I wish these events on noone, but they were mine to bring me here. And Mackenzie is proof that karma is not an ogre, but a reflection.
Be well and I am happy to be home.
Shaku