seeing my dead father I know I was awake

[Sandy]

Hello Mustangocd,
Wow, time certainly has passed. It doesn't seem like a whole year has gone by sense we last spoke. It is good to hear from you and to know that you are feeling better as life has "normalized" a bit.
I too still think about loved ones who have passed on and find myself talking to them and the empty air at times. Sometimes I feel a connection and without a doubt I know they hear and feel my thoughts directed their way.
This is a comfort for me as we recently experienced a death in the family. My daughter-in-law suddenly lost her mother a few weeks ago and it hit all of us rather hard. Last week I was washing about 8 loads of infant clothes, helping my son and his wife, Kara get ready for their first baby. Yet as I sat their folding the baby blankets I had a little cry and told her (Cathy, Kara's deceased mom) how I was sort of counting on us experiencing our first grandchild together. I chatted for awhile after the tears and felt worlds better. Now some people would probably say that was strange but not here in this place. Connections are made and the impossible is often quite possible.
So I think your urge to sometimes want to pick up the phone to call those you love and miss in the next realm are not at all strange... even perfectly normal and acceptable.

It's good to see you again on the board, Mustangocd.
Love,
Sandy

[sammy]

(((((SANDY)))))

Mustangocd - Sigh....I was hoping time would make the urge to call my dad disappear. My dad passed in November, so it's still pretty fresh...and actually, with the holidays and my oldest son graduating from boot camp, we've been so busy that just recently the reality has started to settle in. LOL, it's rather repetitive. You think it has settled in and you quickly find yourself shaking your head because it doesn't seem possible...and then the reality settles in once again.

I chat with my dad almost every night. I feel a strong connection and I think I hear him respond (difficult to tell if the conversation is all in my mind, but many time I get unexpected responses from him which makes me think it's more than just my own brain). There have been several occasions when I go outside to talk to him and I get no response, and I don't feel any connection. I figure they must have him busy doing some sort of spiritual chores when that happens.

Anyway, there are lots of times where the phone rings and I jump thinking it's dad...and just the other day I had a hilarious story I was sharing with a friend and I started to say "OH! I have to call dad and tell HIM that story!"

Well, I think you just have a strong connection there and you have to go with the flow!

LOVE!!!!
Sammy

[Sandy]

((((((((Sammy))))))))
Only in the briefest of ways have I experienced your Dad , yet from that mere whisper, I can completely understand why you love and miss him so.
Love you, sis.
Sandy

[sammy]

SANDY! That "mere whisper" keeps us all going!

LOVE YOU TONS!!!!
Sammy

[mustangocd]

Well it always gets tough time of year when dad died and mom. Being they both died 2 month apart from cancer. I dont say anthing to anyone I dont want them to know I have problems with it all. Lots of things go threw my mind though. And with mom and dad comming to me in my dreams well thats understandable. But the little things that others notice I try not to acknowlege like when the kids are over with the son in law the old phone that isnt used anymore for years now but still powered up pops on now about 2 weeks before their death starts playing messages of my father and I talking on the phone from years before. where he didnt shut the answering machine off when he picked up the phone. I just blow it off in front of others yet I go in the bathroom and cry. I dont want anyone to know. Just hard when I think I do better with time....then things happen. It seems I know when bad things happen. Yet I wonder is it just possible I just aware of whats going on or what. I know things can just be a coincidence. Im glad you all talk to me. Maybe keeps a little sanity to it all.

[Sandy]

Dear Mustangocd,
I am glad that you are comfortable sharing with the rest of us here. I wish we could assist you with your pain.I am afraid that unfortunately with the nature of inner pain and loss it isn't always something friends can change. But sometimes time provides the needed balm to help us manage our loss. so please hang in there as these sad dates come and go once again. While we can't change or manage the pain that is inside you, this place is filled with loving caring people who will gladly stand by your side as you walk the smooth as well as the rough paths of life. Sometimes having people who listen and care can help take off a little of the rough edges.

I suspect too with patience and time you will better understand these "abilities your possess" that at this time rankle and unnerve you a bit.
I send love to you tonight and pray for your peace and comfort at this tough time of year.
With love,
Sandy

[sammy]

Hi There Mustang

About a week ago, I heard from a family member that my dad called them the night prior to the surgery (that ended his life here). The family member said that dad told him that he only had a 20% chance of surviving the surgery. (Fact is, he would have only lived a couple of days if he hadn't had the surgery, but dad looked SO strong and has always been a fighter, so we were CERTAIN all would be well with the surgery.)

Anyway, this news rattled my cage a bit. The heartache I feel thinking about dad lying in that hospital bed the night prior to surgery knowing full well it is probably his last. Had he shared that information with us, we never would have left his bedside. As it was, with all the tubes sticking out of him, when he headed off for surgery we each gave him a little kiss on the forehead (not wanting to disrupt any of the tubes) and said a somewhat casual "I love you".

Well, I stopped at his grave site the other day...(I don't really feel his presence there, but I do feel it at mom's house...BUT, I couldn't do this at mom's house - cuz I didn't want to upset her)...and I let it ALL out at his grave site...the regrets, how much I miss him...all of it...It helped quite a bit. Now, I'm sure it will come back from time to time, but in the mean time I feel better. Another thing that helped me a bit was when I was driving and my heart felt like it wanted to barf, I screamed...and I mean SCREAMED...no one could hear me since I was driving on the highway, and it helped ease that feeling in my heart.

Well, I hope some of this will help you. At the very least, having a place to chat about your parents may help a bit.

LOVE!!!!
Sammy

[Sandy]

((((((((((Sammy))))))))))
I just looked at the clock when I typed this and see 444. I'm feeling the angels about right now...earth as well as celestials..
XX Sandy

[Seabee.wife.widger]

Don't you think its so way out there when I seen my dad that he was so much real You could touch him but fade away within a second and half He never talked to me those 3 times only in my dreams. But he was so real I'm not talking someone you get that glimpse of for a second.

Dad seen mom many times in the 2.5 months before he died. He would see here for a glimpse say she has been here. I think she is waiting for me.

When I used to sleep next to him on the floor and talk all night about things in our life suddenly he would see people by the ceiling and talk to them and point to me and get upset that i didn't see them that i had to. I don't know anymore what to think. The hardest part was the few min before he died.

They say you go threw a pass over. My sister and I both held his hand and seen it and heard it for ourselves. He was talking to someone on the other side as he was dying he held our hands so tight. and got to the point where he was more over there than here. He was yelling as loud as he could back to my sister if she could hear him kept asking this other person in normal voice if she could hear him. He wanted to make sure to say goodbye and wanted to know from the person if she could hear.

To be honest I'm balling and typing telling this. I'm not sure what to think anymore. This sort of thing isn't something you can talk to anyone about. I have tried to go on but these things threw the years have forever changed my life of how I think.

The things that have happened are not a some explainable thing in my mind and I think this is why its so tough. It feels good share this finally and talk to someone.

This post was started in 2009, so I'm not really expecting a reply.. However, I am dealing with seeing people in my room while wide awake & fully alert. They look familiar, but I have never met them. This morning, "he" was there. Sitting on the side of my bed with his back to me when I woke. I blinked hard a few times in disbelief. All of the other times, I was spooked.. sometimes scared. This morning, I was so very calm. As I reached out to touch him, he began to fade. I said out loud, "I don't know who you are, but I can see you."
This is the 11th time I've experienced this. I've always had good intuition. Knew things I shouldn't or say things that other's wondered how I knew. A friend of ours took his own life April 26, 2017 and we had just had a heated argument.
For 6 months, I've been having vivid dreams, in color, and "visits", but I was asleep. I am now seeing these "things" while fully awake. They never speak..but I can tell they can HEAR & I feel an overwhelming sense they are trying to tell me something.
This morning, after he faded away..I had a major feeling of peace. For the first time ever in my life. (I am 42).
The past week has been one of the most trying, stressful weeks (teenager issues/marital issues) but, I have been at peace.
I'm not sure why or what this means. I'm not even entirely sure what made me write..and, I'm feeling like I've lost my mind & halfway afraid to talk about it..until now.

[Sandy]

Hello Seabee,
Welcome to our little place on the internet. What you speak of in your post, seeing passed on beings is perfectly natural for some people. So you are not crazy or loosing your mind. I do not have a clue why this person was sitting on your bed, yet, your reaction this time, acceptance, in a way, and the resulting peace seem extraordinary and important in a way. Did you heal something in this being as you reached out to touch or was it the other way round????
Thank you for talking about this and bringing up this old thread. Often times what you post can help someone else who may be struggling with the same thing. I'll see if Kim can pop around as she and her daughter live every day with what you experience.

xxSandy

[happyrain]

Hi Seabee,
Welcome to the forum! Thank you for opening up, I am happy to read you have peace through out the stresses presented in your life and of your phenomenal experiences with the spirit.

[Seeker13]

Ha ha! Was drawn to this post, then saw my name mentioned. Seabee, the feeling of calm you mentioned reminded me of when my husband and I were taking our turn to sit with his mom who was very close to death. At the time I had a frightening aversion to anything dead. Had been putting off for two weeks going to see my mother-in-law for almost two weeks because I knew for certain she was going to die when I was there, not believing I could handle it. Finally I relented, her kids thought she was hanging on until her son, who lived out of state, could be there. I knew she was waiting for me...

The night before I had a dream of walking with her through a very dense fog searching for someone. The next morning we arrived at her house, the rest of the family left. It wasn't more than a few minutes after we sat at her bedside that she began gasping for breath, looking very scared and thrashing around, she could no longer talk or see. I was terrified, but wanted to comfort her. Straightened her blankets, began stroking her arm and hand, talking very softly to her. I closed my eyes and was talking to her in my head. My voice was calm, but I was very uncomfortable and scared. Suddenly a stillness settled over me, all fear and apprehension evaporated. I opened my eyes and said, "It's okay Joan...I'm not scared anymore... you can go." Her body relaxed completely, she drew a last breath and was gone. I then saw her faded image about four feet off the floor, take someone's hand, they turned then disappeared.


That night I had another dream. We were in the fog together still searching. I took her hand and placed it in Jesus'. No words were spoken, but I could see the gratitude on her face. They both smiled at me and were gone.

I told this story because it was the true beginning of my spiritual journey. It also helped me deal with the death of my own mom two years later. Joan died twenty-two years ago and I'm still on the journey. I'm wondering if maybe that is what is happening to you? These people are there to help you start or continue your journey if you're willing? You calmness and willingness to tell your story is a step.


Sandy is right, seeing and interacting with spirit is a pretty common occurrence in my family. Some are guides and angels giving insight and support, some are angry and think they are evil. Others are attracted to us because we can see them. Mostly I think were supposed to help them find peace and their way to the other side.

Hope this is a little bit helpful.

Love,
Kim

[Sandy]

(((((((((KIM))))))))))
Thank you, I have tears in my eyes....you are so loved!!!
xxSandy

[Seabee.wife.widger]

You guys are amazing! I'm juggling a lot right now..but I have a half written draft to finish soon, I hope!

[Seeker13]

Sandy my wonderful sister/friend so are you!

Dear Seabee, can't wait to see what you have to share.

Love,
Kim

[Sandy]

Dear Seabee, can't wait to see what you have to share.

me too...
xxSandy

[Seabee.wife.widger]

I'm a bit hesitant to post publicly due to not knowing if my post will be a trigger for other readers. Is there a way I can send the first half privately?

[Seabee.wife.widger]

I'm a bit hesitant to post publicly due to not knowing if my post will be a trigger for other readers. Is there a way I can send the first half privately?

[happyrain]

Darn Seabee, I was looking forward to your post too. I do hope you consider changing your mind. This forum has been very welcoming and nonjudgmental from what I've experienced.

Kim,
Wow. =( What a terrifying yet in the end, beautiful experience... thank you for sharing...

I think Kim is right Seabee, that you are receptive and perhaps serve as a medium between the infinite Spirit, varrying energies and personalities coming from other planes, the subtler realities not everyone is keen of.

I read something today Kim from Autobiography of a Yogi. Yogananda shares the story of the passing of his Brother, Ananta. Like you he had an intuition his time was near. While he wasn't present as you were- I see you were both graced with a sudden Knowing as well, the realization of Peace from the Father. Sending her hand in hand with Jesus, that was a remarkable gesture.

This may not relate directly to your experience Seabee, but I hope it validates your Intuition towards the matter.

I would like to share the first few bits of the story...

"Ananta cannot live; the sands of his karma for this life have run out."
These inexorable words reached my inner consciousness as I sat one morning in deep meditation. Shortly after I had entered the Swami Order, I paid a visit to my birthplace, Gorakhpur, as the guest of my elder brother Ananta. A sudden illness confined him to his bed; I nursed him lovingly.
The solemn inward pronouncement filled me with grief. I felt that I could not bear to remain longer in Gorakhpur, only to see my brother removed before my helpless gaze. Admist uncomprehending criticism from my relatives, I left India on the first available boat. It cruised along Burma and the China Sea to Japan. I disembarked at Kobe, where I spent only a few days. My heart was too heavy for sight-seeing.
On the return trip to India, the boat touched at Shanghai. There Dr. Misra, the ship's physician, guided me to several curio shops, where I selected various presents for Sri Yukteswar and my family and friends. For Ananta I purchased a large carved bamboo piece. No sooner had the Chinese salesman handed me the bamboo souvenir than I dropped it on the floor, crying out, "I have bought this for my dear dead brother!"
A clear realization had swept over me that his soul was just being freed in the Infite. The souvenir was sharply and symbolically cracked by its fall; amidst sobs, I wrote on the bamboo surface: "For me beloved Ananta, now gone."

Once Yogananda returned it was confirmed by his younger brother Bishhnu that Ananta indeed passed the day he was in Shanghai buying the souvenir for him.

Life is mysterious, beautiful and these gentler realities give insights to God- who is alive in us All.

[Seabee.wife.widger]

I'm going to chance posting Part one.. will complete my experience asap..

PS.. I think I now know who the man was.. now I'm struggling as to whether or not to share with his family..

[Seabee.wife.widger]

<r><B><s></s>Sandy.....<e></e></B><br/>
<br/>
Wow!<br/>
I have chills!<br/>
It's odd.. after my friend taking his own life (on Facebook Live..April 2017..) I've been overwhelmed with guilt because we had a heated exchange and we were both going thru major medical ordeals. We only live 200 feet from each other. I made it to his door, trying to stop him, 3 seconds too late.<br/>
I've ALWAYS struggled with belief & questions. I'm a very spiritual 42 year old. I've always been HSP Empath, & I've seen things here & there & to be honest, forced myself to ignore it.<br/>
I've lost several people within the past 30 years..way too early. <br/>
My friend, 32, from cancer, 6 months after I was dx'd with cancer. <br/>
Found out a friend of 30 years had passed and cannot find out what happened. She had my God son who is now 11.<br/>
Friend/neighbor to suicide..<br/>
My 19..(20 today!) year old daughter's friend (whom was with us everyday from 1st-12th grade) lost her nearly 2 year old daughter to an accidental drowning.<br/>
3 friends on 9/11..then 5 friends that traveled to New York from the fire department I volunteered for. I left the fire department after we came home from New Orleans after a grim search/rescue turned recovery.<br/>
My mental health suffered a major decline. Pulling body after body out.. seeing people take their own lives upon seeing/hearing their loved ones have died.<br/>
It was all too much.<br/>
I have not been on another dispatched call.<br/>
<br/>
Later that same year (2005), I was returning from dropping my kids off at school. My youngest daughter was off to her first day of Kindergarten. I was emotional.<br/>
I happened upon what appeared to be an auto accident that just occurred. Instinctively, I pull over and jump out to help. I called 911.<br/>
As I make my way to the vehicle, it was 1/2 in a marsh, from the recent Hurricane Katrina. <br/>
I shouted for someone to answer if they knew how many & condition. No one answered. I waded through to find the older sister (then 14) of my daughter's friend (whom recently lost her almost 2 year old in accidental drowning in 2016) & she was half out of the car & her right arm was pinned under the car. As I was trying to move the car to free her, I notice someone else. Fully decapitated. Turned out to be the eldest sister of both.<br/>
That was it for me.<br/>
Brit lost her arm from just above the elbow & remained in ICU for 3 months, in a coma. She has since recovered & just had her 2nd child.<br/>
At this point, I was questioning the existence of any & everything.. So many questions..<br/>
<br/>
My relationship with my father & brother have been strained. I've not seen either in 3 years and living within 15 minutes of each other.<br/>
My parents have recently moved 4.5 hours north. <br/>
*backing up*<br/>
After our friend/neighbor took his own life, I found out my eldest daughter flew cross-country (financed by my parents) to get married. She just turned 18 & I was told nothing. Between those issues and finally getting my youngest daughter graduated high school & in college at 15..stress was mounting. I felt the weight of the world & to be honest, it took a further toll on my physical body & mind. <br/>
This past July 3rd, my youngest daughter (almost 18) & her boyfriend were preparing to temporarily stay with my husband and I. That morning, we had marriage counseling and on the way home my daughter calls in hysterics. They had a fight & she was "done with him". I felt relief as my husband and I have never really cared for this guy. <br/>
By the time she arrived home They had worked it out. Over the next 5 hours, they fought. He called repeatedly..her best friend called me concerned and said she'd be right over (with her 4 month of baby) to talk to my daughter.<br/>
My daughter was an emotional wreck & I had decided we would not allow the boyfriend to stay here. It upset her to the point where she attempted to leave and backed right into her friends parked car, jumps out to see damage, & forgets to put her car in park. It crashes into the tree before she could catch it. Still, all she was worried about was getting to the boyfriend..NOT her friends car OR the fact that her new son could have been in it. I took her keys & forbid her to drive if that was how distracted her thinking was. 5 hours later, she had calmed & realized she had her boyfriends car keys in her car, so told her she had 2 hours to be back home. 10pm came & my oldest daughter calls & says her sister talked to her & was not coming home. That was the final straw (evidently). She showed up at 10:30 the next morning (July 4th) and seemed mad at me only concerned about whether or not I was going to allow boyfriend to live here. We were screamed at and cursed, but I stood my ground. (VERY unlike me. I typically cater to her out of the guilt of 7 years of custody battle with her father). She became visibly upset, again & my husband and I took her keys & told her she was restricted from her car until further notice.<br/>
She then threatens suicide!<br/>
I called 911 & MEDICS. (That is a decision that cannot be undone & I was taking no chances) I did not believe she meant it, but she has a lot of medical issues, & evidently mental health issues. She, too, was watching our friend on live feed when he shot himself. She has refused therapy because she "doesn't have time". <br/>
She is very thin. 5feet and 100 lbs, but upon seeing her recently, she looked sickly. MEDICS said she appeared to be having a severe panic attack & to be malnourished.<br/>
She agreed to go in the ambulance & to the hospital. The sheriff told us to wait 20 minutes & go to the ER. So, we did. She refused to see me & said she was filing a "No contact" order & was going to have her father file for full custody. (She will be 18 late August.<br/>
I told her fine.<br/>
Her father told me to deal with her (he's 5 miles away, a new love interest, and has not seen or talked to her in 6 months). He arrives to the ER and I told him we hadn't received an update yet but she made her request so we were leaving. <br/>
It nearly stopped my heart to do so..but that was the final maltreatment I was going to take from my own daughter after nearly sacrificing my wonderful marriage to cater to my daughter only to take my stress out on my husband.<br/>
He was shocked when we left. <br/>
As was I! <br/>
Her father sent txt saying there was "nothing wrong with her" and they would be by to get her car & some clothes. Watching this happen was one of the most painful things ever..<br/>
The next day she comes by for more clothes, asking if I had changed my mind about the two living here. When I said NO, everything, including HER totaling HER FRIENDS CAR, the hospital..EVERYTHING!</r>

[Seabee.wife.widger]

Still much of the story to go..
Also learning how to use & post on this site.
Please bear with me!

[Seabee.wife.widger]

Darn Seabee, I was looking forward to your post too. I do hope you consider changing your mind. This forum has been very welcoming and nonjudgmental from what I've experienced.

Kim,
Wow. =( What a terrifying yet in the end, beautiful experience... thank you for sharing...

I think Kim is right Seabee, that you are receptive and perhaps serve as a medium between the infinite Spirit, varrying energies and personalities coming from other planes, the subtler realities not everyone is keen of.

I read something today Kim from Autobiography of a Yogi. Yogananda shares the story of the passing of his Brother, Ananta. Like you he had an intuition his time was near. While he wasn't present as you were- I see you were both graced with a sudden Knowing as well, the realization of Peace from the Father. Sending her hand in hand with Jesus, that was a remarkable gesture.

This may not relate directly to your experience Seabee, but I hope it validates your Intuition towards the matter.

I would like to share the first few bits of the story...

"Ananta cannot live; the sands of his karma for this life have run out."
These inexorable words reached my inner consciousness as I sat one morning in deep meditation. Shortly after I had entered the Swami Order, I paid a visit to my birthplace, Gorakhpur, as the guest of my elder brother Ananta. A sudden illness confined him to his bed; I nursed him lovingly.
The solemn inward pronouncement filled me with grief. I felt that I could not bear to remain longer in Gorakhpur, only to see my brother removed before my helpless gaze. Admist uncomprehending criticism from my relatives, I left India on the first available boat. It cruised along Burma and the China Sea to Japan. I disembarked at Kobe, where I spent only a few days. My heart was too heavy for sight-seeing.
On the return trip to India, the boat touched at Shanghai. There Dr. Misra, the ship's physician, guided me to several curio shops, where I selected various presents for Sri Yukteswar and my family and friends. For Ananta I purchased a large carved bamboo piece. No sooner had the Chinese salesman handed me the bamboo souvenir than I dropped it on the floor, crying out, "I have bought this for my dear dead brother!"
A clear realization had swept over me that his soul was just being freed in the Infite. The souvenir was sharply and symbolically cracked by its fall; amidst sobs, I wrote on the bamboo surface: "For me beloved Ananta, now gone."

Once Yogananda returned it was confirmed by his younger brother Bishhnu that Ananta indeed passed the day he was in Shanghai buying the souvenir for him.

Life is mysterious, beautiful and these gentler realities give insights to God- who is alive in us All.

[happyrain]

On the edge of my seat! You've been through a lot and have seen so much... I know you're all the stronger for it and have much to offer here. Thank you...

[Sandy]

Dear Seabee,
I sit here at my little desk on a bright morning in Australia and ponder your first part of your story. I am at a loss for words as my empathy cries out to whoever is listening on high..."How can one person be dealt such heartache?!!!"... and yet... there you sit in your own home somewhere on this shared planet, a survivor. Do you see yourself as courageous? Well, I see you that way... It takes courage to see and experience what you have... the losses, the painful relationships, the toxic relationships and love rejected.... and yet to stand up and say to all above and below..."Here I am... perhaps a little worse for wear but not giving in ..not giving up...not giving up!!!"

If we can help you bear your burdens...may it be so. If we can offer you friendship and and comforting ears, then we are here for you dear lady. If we can connect in ways of spirit through the one Source, the divine who moves through each one of us, then I open my heart to all that is. And know that you have much to offer us ... your friendship, your strength, your hard won knowledge... these things are beyond price.

As I read your thoughts, I am reminded of an article/short essay really, that Welles posted recently... let me see if I can find it. Here it is... http://moonmagazine.org/anna-alkin-mira ... 018-06-02/
As strange at it sounds...somehow I think you are apart of a miracle in the making...

So I reach out across the geographic miles and the Aether and lend you what ever support I can...I ask that the divine walk with you in all ways, and that you find your help and peace with these things of your life that would have floored most people.

I stand in awe at your strength...

May you be blessed in all ways.

with love,
Sandy