Hi Sandy!
You have no need to apologize. Maybe it it is the wave of Spirit, like a moving energy affecting all earths inhabitants- you and I could have been tuned into a specific channel. Either way, do not take that guilt, an emotion no one should ever ask of you.
I'd like to say today was much better. And I am all too grateful for the experience of last nights emotional discoveries. It was the precursor to my day, which was paved with good intentions. A desire to help. I got to say for a, "work monday" there were a lot of smiling faces. To my surprise, I saw a bunch of faces! Like fear of the pandemic is slowly being lifted. I was very happy to interact in the pleasant mood with my Brothers/Sisters. I traveled through out the city this afternoon too, so it was a pretty decent gauge to say the citizens of our city are moving about boldly.
Reading the channeled message here from the Beloved one after all that was very timely. Another timely piece was reading the bowl of saki. Spirit always finds a way, and this is what had been on my mind the night before... This concept. And the key word being- Opportunity. These trying times are an opportunity for us all, and most gratifying at the Soul level.
So here it is... Straight from my Beloved Sufi friend,
Commentary by Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan:
Every step in evolution makes life more valuable. The more evolved you are, the more priceless is every moment; it becomes an opportunity for you to do good to others, to serve others, to give love to others, to be gentle to others, to give your sympathy to souls who are longing and hungering for it. Life is miserable when a person is absorbed in himself; as soon as he forgets himself he is happy. The more he thinks of himself, his own affairs, work and interests, the less he knows the meaning of life.
from
https://wahiduddin.net/mv2/VIII/VIII_2_1.htm
And,
Every person is a captive in some form or other; one's life is limited in some form or other; but one could get above this limitation by realizing the latent power and inspiration of the soul.
Kabir, the great poet of India says, 'Life is a field and you are born to cultivate it. And if you know how to cultivate this field you can produce anything you like. All the need of your life can be produced in this field. All that your soul yearns after and all you need is to be got from the field, if you know how to cultivate it and how to reap the fruit.' But if this opportunity is only studied in order to make the best of life by taking all that one can take and by being more comfortable, that is not satisfying. We must enrich ourselves with thought, with that happiness which is spiritual happiness, with that peace which belongs to our soul, with that liberty, that freedom, for which our soul longs; and attain to that higher knowledge which breaks all the fetters of life and raises our consciousness to look at life from a different point of view. Once a person has realized this opportunity, they have fulfilled the purpose of Life.
from
https://wahiduddin.net/mv2/VI/VI_16.htm
What I understand is that it is a far greater Joy to see all of us prospering, and believe these times are giving us an opportunity to rearrange our mental furniture so even in a chaotic environment we are strengthening our Faith and experiencing a sense of fulfillment.
Life without my Mother or Father is still a hurdle I am not ready to face. But it is all the more important for me now, to ensure I am at least trying to interact with my family and others with care. Again, last night made all of that very real for me.
And for the record, I will hold your hand if you will allow me to 
And may I say I am SUPER envious! I hope you are feeling well post 2nd vaccine.
) Anyway, I keep falling asleep in meditation so hope to find your all's strong hands soon.
Kind of like when your back hurts and you look at the weeds and it makes you feel exhausted. Thinking I need to try a different method. So last night I tried doing just a short prayer and asking for protection, kind of a "no effort" method...needless to say I promptly fell asleep.