Question about forgiving horrible acts

[Oswald77]

Hello all,

Me again! This will probably be my last post before I drift on my way again.

I wanted to ask about forgiveness. Forgiveness is admittedly a short coming of mine. I came from a family of grudges and anger. I was isolated...I also had an abusive father and a very weak & meek mother who was not mature enough in her own respect to have raised a child. I was not brought into existence because two people loved each other and wanted children. I was very thoughtlessly brought into being. I was an item on the check list for my parents and not much more. This coupled with an intellectual disability that I inherited as well as a few other defects thrown into the mix has caused some pretty poor outcomes for me and my life especially with respect to my adolescent years.

When I was a teenager I did some pretty horrendous things. Things that would be considered by most to be down right deplorable and most would agree eternally I should be condemned for it. Even though as an adult I can see why I was so out of control as a teenager I can’t forgive myself for the acts committed and idk if I could live with myself for eternity knowing what I did. As an adult now looking back it’s not surprising that my adolescence was an abysmal failure but still I worry that annihilation for me could be the only thing to make it right. I don’t want to disappoint my thought adjusters hard work especially since it is probably the only reason I even made it this far but still I just don’t see any other way to make it right either. In the end if spiritual annihilation is the only way to make it right than so be it I can accept that fate. I’m not going to make any final decisions on the matter until the first mansion world I figure...assuming I even make it there. I posted this because I was wondering if anyone had any insight on people like me who are in this predicament? Have there ever been any messages on this subject? I wanted to ask because it’s sort of the last major blockage I have. All the others I can handle in the end but this one not so much. How do I forgive myself for something that can’t really be forgiven?

Thanks in advance for any insight.

[Amigoo]

With annihilation only by choice - not condemnation from above - future lives of universe service should well atone for the mistakes of life on this planet. Besides, many of the events of this earthly life are relative only to this mortal existence. Undoubtedly, all who live here pass on to the first mansion world where the choice of annihilation could then be honored ... but not without all opportunities for rehabilitation.

Rod

[Amigoo]

A message relating to the subject of "annihilation"
(even Lucifer had to choose annihilation after spurning mercy):

Re: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=26909&p=195550&hili ... on#p195550

"Lucifer was tried, along with his cohorts, in front of the Ancients of Days in the case called Gabriel vs. Lucifer, and after the four archrebels again spurned the offers of mercy they were offered by Michael, they chose annihilation and are no more. Thus ended the trial and adjudication that took place in the fall of 1985."

Rod

[Oswald77]

Hello Amigoo,

Thank you for your message. I guess I didn’t explain well enough in my original post. I’m not worried about being condemned to annihilation. My point was that I can’t come to a place of forgiveness for myself to continue in the end. I don’t want to go down that route because I do believe the only reason I made it out of all that was my Thought Adjuster but I just don’t see any other way for me either. I’m at the age now where I can look back and see why it was such a failure but that hasn’t been enough for me to forgive myself and move on. I hope that make sense...I’m not very good at writing my thoughts because of a disability.

Thanks for the reply,

Oz

[Amigoo]

Oz,

Your writing communicates well ... even better than some without "disability".

I find it encouraging to awaken every morning with the awareness that a new day has arrived -
the past is history! What happens today is more important than what happened yesterday,
relative to how we progress from here to eternity (if that be our choice).

"Forgiveness" seems to be something we earn for ourselves by moving forward
and not dwelling on the past; positive action more than mental deliberation.

Rod

[Oswald77]

Hi Amigoo,

Thanks for your reply! Your comment actually touched on another issue I have which is living in the now. From my father I always had to live in the future to be prepared to deal with him at a moments notice. From him my mind became a prediction machine constantly running future scenarios so I could be prepared. From my mother and disability I always had to live in the past agonizing over everything I did wrong no matter how minuet or ridiculous and constantly over analyzing. Since these foundations were laid in my childhood I admit I really don’t know what living in the now is like or really how to even do that in the first place lol. I suppose there’s some benefits to being able to predict and self reflect but I admit it has robbed me of my ability to be present in my life because my mind is always else where either predicting or self reflecting. I know there’s probably not an answer for how to fix it because it’s something I have to figure out but living in the now is definitely a completely foreign concept to me lol.

Thank you for your insight I appreciate it.

Oz

[Amigoo]

Oz,

Your writing hints that you live in your mind more than on terra firma.
Self analysis and reflection is important, but we need breaks to Be.
Doing things, especially for others, seems to provide good moments
for accumulating better information on how we are progressing.

Best guess: You already know how to move forward ...
as the past takes less of your conscious moments.
How would I know? "Been there! Done that!"

Rod

[Seeker13]

Oz,
Seems Amigo has given some sound advice.

Hypervigilance is a common defense mechanism for abused children. I used to sleep with a baseball bat beside my bed. It would take about 10 seconds for me and my brother to be up and ready to defend our mom. That vigilance doesn't go away all by itself. It takes work... everything takes work.

It seems like you've thought pretty thoroughly on how you came to be you, and even on what may come next after you die. Believing all those things about yourself and how they came to be, are your truths, some of them sound pretty horrible. Of course we are the product of genetics and environment we can't change what has been. With the time you have left, what about taking each event and emotion and trying to understand them, those of your parents and yourself. There's nothing you can do about the words and actions of others, but you can try to understand them and try to figure out how they can no longer dictate who you are today. It's a tremendous amount of work, but possible. Taking personal responsibility for your actions, both past and present is the only way I know of to truly forgive yourself. You also have to believe both your parents and yourself deserve forgiving.

There must be a bigger picture, a broader perspective, maybe even a plan. An easy path does not build empathy, or strength of character. Pain, anger, fear can be replaced with love, forgiveness for others and yourself, by making the decision to break the cycle.

Kim

[happyrain]

The answer is that it can be forgiven. You can only really forgive something when you understand it. As long as you are intolerant towards someone or something the truth is obscured. There is nothing we can't forgive, God as an omnipotent intelligence surely understands. Therefore, it is reasonable to say God forgives. Your disappointments are just, so long as we are here, we have many more disappointments to face. Your introspection is a testament to your good nature and an opportunity to exercise your Will. We are our worse enemy. Only by the maturity of the soul, life experience, will you begin to see things from another perspective and you will understand people and illnesses better. Ultimately you will forgive yourself for this too. God Bless you, all ways. I believe you have more to see,exciting and joyful experience- Life will surprise you. Take it one day at a time... Be gentle with yourself. Continue your prayers, use your introspection towards making changes in your personal life. Breathe slow, deep breaths. Take time in stillness and ask for clarity. Do your best and forget the rest. As messed up as things seem, there is nothing that can't be forgiven.

[RunningScroll]

Dear Oswald

Quite a few years back now I posted in the 'Healing Issues' section 'Confession of a Madman', have a read if you like. The point is, that at that time I was in a place, where I didn't think I had the capacity to survive, I thought that the most likely event for me (like you) was annihilation. My thoughts at that point were 99% dark, and I seemed completely stuck in it. Quite a few years on, and I am much more human, still not perfectly fixed, but capable of caring and working and helping others.

I have to admit, that the effort to come back from what seemed like 'the brink' was brutal, and it seemed for a long time that I was getting zero traction on the problem. But some how, almost magically, things got better, and then later on, a bit better again. My experience demonstrated that it is possible to come back from a really bad place. I wouldn't wish the experience on anyone though.

If I am correct in guessing, it is the memories of the past that ruin your equilibrium in the present, and that is what kept me stuck at the time too. The solution seems to be to shine unceasing white light onto your mind and body, and to fully acknowledge the truth, but with love.

The other side, is to spend a lot of time re-imagining yourself. So, ask questions like, if I was well, what would it look like? If I was forgiven, what would it look like? If my life was love, what would it look like? If I had healthy thoughts and feelings, what would it look like? Keep doing this, and eventually you'll start to break free.

The other technique that helped, particularly in the worst moments, when I thought I was going to lose my soul, was to journal messages to God, putting absolutely everything on the table, any darkness or ugliness, admit it all, and then express your intention to move out of it.

I hope this helps brother,
Dylan

[Seeker13]

Dylan,
Thank you for sharing your journey, very sobering and real. Seems you've done a tremendous amount of self-reflection and soul growth! I believe this is how we'll all get to our next step. The sharing of experiences, taking the hand of those next to us, forgiving and being forgiven... taking those baby steps one at a time. We are all in this together, and will get through this together.

Kim

[RunningScroll]

Hi Kim

It was honestly just a lot of hard work and persistence. The saying goes 'when the going gets tough, the tough get going'. This truth applies whether you are physically in battle or 'at war with yourself'.

When you are in that place of 'dark dominance', there is very little apparent progress - and no happiness - until you can shed a good chunk of that darkness. Then things can change, but usually in a 3 steps forward/2 steps back fashion. 'Dark dominance' does not allow much kind of healthy reflection, because the reflection is quickly distorted. So for a time the goal is narrow and brutal.

It was very interesting how in those moments where I was thinking 'this is it, I'm done' I would often receive a powerful infusion of what I can only describe as White Gold Light, which would provide some needed relief. I also received some powerful infusions at times from Monjoronson. I don't know this for sure, but I believe Universe Justice and Mercy programmes always come with an energy infusion to assist the being in having better control of themselves, and a better potential to improve. I believe this is important information to know.

Kind regards,
Dylan

[Seeker13]

Dylan,
Everything you said, reinforces the truth that no one can do it for us. And if we spend all our energy blaming others and taking on the victim role, we will get nowhere. Even though it was forward and backward movement( I think it always is), the realizations you were able to arrive at are HUGE!!!

'Dark dominance' does not allow much kind of healthy reflection, because the reflection is quickly distorted. So for a time the goal is narrow and brutal.

No doubt, but light must have been buried in you, compelling you to keep trying and get back at it after falling on your face.

It was very interesting how in those moments where I was thinking 'this is it, I'm done' I would often receive a powerful infusion of what I can only describe as White Gold Light, which would provide some needed relief. I also received some powerful infusions at times from Monjoronson.

It took me a very long time to accept that a high echelon celestial like Monjoronson would come to me, a nobody, and impart... anything! I've slowly learned to accept that spirit will do what ever they can to help bring this world and it's inhabitants into light and life. What better way for a new spiritual leader of this world to make changes, than to develop a relationship with it's citizens. Trusting relationships take a personal touch. Every single individual is important and necessary to bring about the changes this world needs so very desperately.

I don't know this for sure, but I believe Universe Justice and Mercy programmes always come with an energy infusion to assist the being in having better control of themselves, and a better potential to improve. I believe this is important information to know.

My thoughts are going all over the place reading this statement, understanding it to mean first one thing and then another. I'm hoping you can expand on the concept please.

Kim

[RunningScroll]

Hi Kim

I'll try to explain it how I experienced it: The universe judges don't just render a verdict and then leave you there. Instead they go, 'this is what you've done, and it needs work' but here I give you some of my loving and divine essence, to encourage you, and to help you evolve into divine righteousness. Instead of just saying 'I know better and you are judged' they go 'Yes I know the Divine Ways, and have some of my heart, so you may also become more like me'. It is basically a highly supportive attitude.

If I know better, then I will help you become better! I will even give you some of my very essence so you can experience more of this divine way.

Hope that explains it,
Dylan

[Seeker13]

Dylan,
It does! Thanks!

Kim

[sammy]

I once heard that if your having trouble forgiving to think "Thank you For Giving me this experience".

I understand that you feel you have done unforgivable things, but perhaps you can focus on what you have learned because of the things you have done, would you be where your are or who you are without those experiences?

LOVE!!!!
Sammy

[happyrain]

Is that Sammy?

Wow! Hi, welcome back! So cool. And lovely post!

My girlfriend shared with me last night, relationships have a beginning and an end. It's the experience- that's the 'forever' part. I took this as a well understood lesson by adhering to the laws of Nature. Birth, mutation and Death. 'Positive' or 'negative' thank you for giving me this experience!

Thanks Sammy!! Happy 2020 +

[sammy]

Hi Eric!

I like your girlfriend already! What an amazing way to look at life! I am going to try really hard to remember that one.

LOVE!
Sammy

[Sandy]

Hi guys,
I was formatting a message yesterday that speaks to what you guys are discussing here... It hasn't gone out on the lists yet but I think it will be okay.

"Urantia, January 27, 2021.
Teacher: The Beloved.
Subject: It is I Who Escort You.

Message received by Lytske

The Beloved: Still your restless mind and become more consciously aware of My presence. These short moments are only a preparation for you to be with Me for lengthier times.

‘Outside of Me’, your soul longs to be with Me, especially when sorrow and grief over past mistakes threaten to engulf you. All these experiences are part of a learning curve, the understanding of which will ultimately allow you to let go of all regrets, and put the past behind you.

The human mind is very tenacious in ‘hanging on to old stuff’. This is wrong as it takes away a lot of joy from living.

Yes, I know the dross needs to come to the surface, to be looked at openly and forgiven in unconditional love for self. As long as you cannot forget, you have not forgiven yourself for your past mistakes.

Be at peace My child, for truly the One God sees the beginning and the end. The intent of the human heart is what counts, not outward appearances, and who might know you better than I do?

It is by trial and error that children learn, gain life experiences and garner wisdom in the process.

Life is not meant to be lived on the surface of the material. The material serves only to gain a deeper understanding about what is real and truly important in life.

Be of good cheer. You are learning your lessons well.

It is I who escort you into becoming a purer being from the inside out.

Be, let Me.

© The 11:11 Progress Group.
I Am the Satisfaction of Your Soul — The Beloved One.
www.1111AkashicConstruct.com

I am thinking... pondering... that...we as human beings can do some pretty horrendous things. But it also seems in relation to that also that the depth of forgiveness, and the lesson inherent in forgiveness will be all the greater and thus be of most value as we move through realms and worlds throughout eternity. While we very much need to forgive ourselves and move on with a renewed desire to do better, those who forgive us are equally given an opportunity for unimagined soul growth as well.... and their example wins hearts and souls and allows others a lesson that they may not have been intimately involved with. Does that make any sense?
If we can only see the projected picture beyond this physical world and and view with "expectant eyes" the very real realms death affords us... Perhaps we will see the value of letting go these things we impale on our inner selves...A zillion years from now what we have done in the name of Love and Beauty and Truth will make these things that so trouble us in the mortal realm now seem like wisps of smoke... Dearest Oswald and all of us who so long for a soul free of the burden of guilt, shame etc... Love heals all wounds... wounds between people, nations and even celestials. Love even connects people separated by the veil death erects. (Thanks Sammy ) Let's make small steps at first, if needed, toward an all encompassing understanding of just how much the Universe loves us unconditionally and practice this in our daily lives with determination and purpose not allowing anything or anyone to derails us. Because we are all precious children of a God, an unexplainable, unimaginable Universe Presence who absolutely loves us unconditionally, eternally and without fail.

Love this Sammy!
"Thank you For Giving me this experience".

I know just where I will begin using it too.

love,
Sandy

[sammy]

Wow! What timing!

TWO GEMS relating to current discussions on the board...forgiving AND joy...

The human mind is very tenacious in ‘hanging on to old stuff’. This is wrong as it takes away a lot of joy from living.

Love is the answer! Let yourself love yourself (Sorry, I might have sounded a little "Mike Brady" there )

LOVE!!!!
Sammy

[happyrain]

Okay Sandy, I'm sold.

Thank you so much for the heart-felt wisdom.

[Seeker13]

As someone who remembers stupid things I said and did when I was child, these posts brought tears to my eyes... Thanks for the experience everyone!


Kim