Need help with ruminating and social anxiety

[Nikki88]

Hello everyone ,
I wanted to ask if anyone has any tips for dealing with social anxiety and ruminating? I have a job interview next week and I’ve been having a hard time finding work not only because of the issues my generation is facing, but also because I’m a shy dyslexic girl with low self-esteem, and severe social anxiety. As you may have guessed this isn’t exactly a great combo in today’s world, and I find that I struggle with interviews particularly badly. Unfortunately I’m not able to be upfront about these issues to potential employers because it would probably prevent me from getting the job in the first place, and I’m unable to seek out any medical help for the time being so prescriptions aren’t an option right now. I also struggle with ruminating after I’ve messed something up or done poorly. I find my mind tends to replay the event over and over like some sort of built-in internal torture device and I’ve been confounded by how to deal with this issue for the entirety of my life. Ruminating has never done me any favors but I just can’t seem to stop my brain from doing it. It’s like a background program I can’t ever seem to shutdown even though I know I would be happier and healthier if I could find a way to finally stop it. So if anyone has had to deal with this I would appreciate any advice.

Lots of love,
Nikki

[Sandy]

Hi Nikki,
This is sort of outside my area of experience. I'll pray about it though and see if any ideas come through.
Will also pray for you as you go into this interview. It's real easy for many of us to not give ourselves enough credit for the good qualities and abilities we possess. I get such wonderful vibes when talking to you I cannot imagine anyone not recognizing your potential. You've always been such a loving caring person...Perhaps if you reach out with your heart and feelings during the interview remembering that no matter how together the person on the other side of the table appears, in reality, they are human just like us with challenges and problems and heartaches that they themselves have to deal with and overcome. Maybe your caring center within will then override your anxiety.
It may be your ruminating portion of your brain is trying to protect you in some crazy way.... I can't imagine why or how it would help remembering/ beating yourself up with your mistakes but perhaps you could simply say to yourself (and firmly I might add)... Thank you!... I've got it and will try to learn from what happened and not to make that mistakes again. Sometimes by recognizing and acknowledging in some way such things our brain will listen and respond in kind.

Anyway I will see if I can find something that may help from an expert in the field. Hang in there. Remember you are a very special person and we love you.

((((((HUGS)))))
Sandy

[Geoff]

Dear Nikki,

I would have to say that unless you are trained in this area, its outside all of our fields. I suspect however your rehashing what you might classify as "disasters" is adding to your problems. You really do need to learn a new "internal language", a more supportive inner dialogue, the question is how. I would have wondered if hypnotism could help, and George could answer that. I have seen books on the subject, but I don't have any in my library. But clearly you need to find a coping mechanism, if you are to get a job. I wonder if there are specific fields where what you see as your "problems" might be assets?

hugs
Geoff

[Seeker13]

Dear Nikki,
Hope your job interview went well! You are not alone. Many individuals in our family have had/still have problems with social anxiety, ruminations, and dyslexia. There are so many programs, medications and information out there, it might take educating yourself to find the one that works for you.

I truly know first hand how debilitating those symptoms can be. Unfortunately they may also keep us from seeking help for ourselves. How ever you decide to go about helping yourself please know, "Everyone is afraid..." If you look around, everyone is guided by fear. Some people externalize it, taking it out on others. Some internalize it, taking it out on themselves.

For me the negative environment and abuse from people around me, became my internal dialogue when I was a young child. But you know what? Their fear and anger directed at me was wrong. I was and am a very wonderful person! I'm pretty sure you are too. It takes a lot of work and releasing of old patterns of thinking, but you can change that internal dialogue.

No one in the world is better or more worthy than you. You have every right to be happy and and feel good about yourself... And the only person keeping you from that... is you. Please look for something that will help. Until then interrupt every time you begin saying or thinking negatively about yourself. Rephrase the dialogue,"I am wonderful and a beautiful person. I deserve to be happy!"

For situations that are stressful take a deep breath(or several), say, "I am safe. I can handle this." Remember, "God doesn't make mistakes."

Love,
Kim
Kim

[Sandy]

(((((((KIM)))))))
I know you were talking to Nikki but your words helped me as well.

((((((Nikki)))))),
I echo Kim and hope all is well with you.

You ladies are both very special to me...
xxSandy

[Seeker13]

Dear Nikki,
I hope all is well and you are feeling better about yourself than you were the day you started this thread.

Sandy,
I am weary of anxiety robbing people of their happiness. Looking back down the long road, I realize how much energy it took being anxious, it was exhausting! I think it was a message here from Christ Michael. He said, "Anxiety is simply another form of fear." It kind of stopped me cold... and it made me mad! I started fighting back, forcing myself to face one anxiety producing obstacle at a time. I remember the simplest things would throw me into a panic attack. After facing the thing down, I'd shake my head and asked, "Why was I so afraid of that?" I am not anxiety free, but I no longer let it stop me from being happy and living my life.

We are capable of so much more than we believe. The ruminating as well. We need to forgive ourselves and move on. Honestly do we really believe that someone we said something stupid to in fourth grade is going to remember? It's time we all gave ourselves a break and treat 'us' as well as we do everyone else.

Love,
Kim

[Nikki88]

Hi Everyone
Thanks for all the replies they have helped a lot. I’m doing ok and my interview is over now. I didn’t get the position but it was my first “in person” interview so I kind of expected that, and I just viewed it as practice for next time. It didn’t go as bad as I thought it would, but I did still struggle with the dyslexia during as I have trouble formulating my thoughts under pressure. As for the ruminating I grew up in not the friendliest of environments. I was bullied by several teachers in my school days as well so I know it will probably take me a very long time to release this pattern especially since it also has a genetic basis inherited from my father. Ultimately I will eventually go see a doctor or a psychologist about it but unfortunately I have to get hired first before I can do that. Right now I’m just working on my portfolio and keeping a look out for new openings. I have been trying to keep my thoughts more positive and hopeful lately that does seems to help a little, but is still something I’m learning to do. I’m also trying to learn to stop the negative thoughts and replace them with something more positive even if it’s just a simple “it will be ok”. It’s a lot harder than it seems but it also seems to help keep things from spiraling down too far at least. I'll also try and add in the things you guys have posted here as part of my efforts to build a better thinking pattern.

Hope all is well with everyone

Lots of love

Nikki

[Sandy]

Hi Nikki and KIm too,
Nikki it is so good the posts you and Kim just provided, not just because I am relieved to know you are okay and moving forward with such determination and zeal. But also because your all's posts are sort of an answer, a response, to a question I asked in meditation... you and Kim are both talking about ruminating... then encouraging a letting go and appreciating who we are right now... I too was bullied a bit by someone in my neighborhood. It wasn't to my face but in the sneakiest and disheartening of ways. And it is something I never told my parents or friends simply keeping it to myself. And so, it has hung there affecting my well being in a very buried and subtle way. Yet, this week it has come to light and I noticed it in real depth for the first time. And as much as I resented this girl (she was just a girl then) I realize now as an adult that everyone is just trying to deal with life as it comes to them...to be, survive, as best they can . Sometimes the situation is hard even unspeakable and I may very well need give her a little slack. And so, I am trying to replace my years of resentment with something more empowering perhaps for both of us...forgiveness and acceptance, knowing, first, that she was only reacting to her own tough existence in those years... and then with real love to heal and sooth those past hurts for both of us. Thanks guys..love you all...

((((((((hugs)))))))
Sandy

[Seeker13]

Nikki,
So glad you are trying to interrupt the negative dialogue. Other resources other than going to a doctor are libraries and on-line sites. Hope I didn't represent myself as someone who decided one day to not have anxiety, then fixed it. Oh, no! Not the case at all. It was a one day at a time for years retraining my thoughts. Our family seems to be wired to be more sensitive too, especially the women. Actually now that I think of it, seems most of us have anxiety or are bullies, a couple are both!

My brain still closes down when facing stressful situations. I try to be as organized as I can and have cheat sheets knowing I'm going to be asked certain questions. I also will arrive somewhere way ahead of time to get used to the layout of where I'm going and to have time to spend several minutes breathing.

You cannot know how sad it makes me to hear your teachers were participants in the bullying. Teachers set the tone in a classroom. Kids see it and get the idea it's alright. I'm a preschool teacher and have seen evidence of this time and time again. Fortunately my training has really been helpful. Have learned a lot about the brain, breathing, crossing the mid-line, etc. Everyday I work at teaching tools to young children so hopefully they will feel empowered and won't have to suffer like I did.

Sandy,
Wish I could hug you! The hardest personality for me to work with is a bully. Have to remind myself over and over that they are not born, they are created. The most common reaction is for kids to not tell, somehow they think it must have been their fault, it's too embarrassing, or nothing can be done. It really takes a whole community saying, "This will not be tolerated," because both the victim and perpetrator fall trough the cracks and the cycle continues.

Love to you both,
Kim

[Mamo]

Hi Nikki

I don't know much about dislexia but can see that you are able to express yourself perfectly well here. When it comes to social anxiety there are a few things you can do. Yes, you can pray, meditate, listen to and read from spiritual teachers but what I find helps me is to first discern what within your mind is causing you this suffering and then recognise it as something you want to erase/delete (in a relaxed and peaceful manner), at this point add positive affirmations instead. Remind yourself of all your amazing and good qualities. Replace and delete then repeat when and if it pops up again. Be on your guard and don't let any negativity in. Soon you'll find yourself more connected within and then a thing like an interview will be no more a stress factor. You'll breeze through!


((Hugs))
Mahsa

[happyrain]

Hello everyone ,
I wanted to ask if anyone has any tips for dealing with social anxiety and ruminating? I have a job interview next week and I’ve been having a hard time finding work not only because of the issues my generation is facing, but also because I’m a shy dyslexic girl with low self-esteem, and severe social anxiety. As you may have guessed this isn’t exactly a great combo in today’s world, and I find that I struggle with interviews particularly badly. Unfortunately I’m not able to be upfront about these issues to potential employers because it would probably prevent me from getting the job in the first place, and I’m unable to seek out any medical help for the time being so prescriptions aren’t an option right now. I also struggle with ruminating after I’ve messed something up or done poorly. I find my mind tends to replay the event over and over like some sort of built-in internal torture device and I’ve been confounded by how to deal with this issue for the entirety of my life. Ruminating has never done me any favors but I just can’t seem to stop my brain from doing it. It’s like a background program I can’t ever seem to shutdown even though I know I would be happier and healthier if I could find a way to finally stop it. So if anyone has had to deal with this I would appreciate any advice.

Lots of love,
Nikki

Hi Nikki

I hope you're feeling better today. I'm glad to read your follow up as well. =) I think since you know the way you ruminate doesn't necessarily help you're already on your way to a healthier perspective! Even if you're still replaying events in your mind, the way you view circumstance and carry yourself can be a life changer. I play things out in my mind a lot too and have also been told I worry too much. I still do this admittedly more than what may be considered healthy but aside from stress I also find comfort from reflecting. ^-^ Eventually I'm able to look at something and realize if it's going to hurt me or others if I go too far in one direction... Letting go of these thoughts becomes easier but that doesn't mean it's easy so the best advice I can give you is to BREATHE. =)

Breathe my friend. Make sure you're setting time to relax in whatever way makes you most comfortable, focus on your breath and be happy!

Hope this helps! Wishing you a lovely Friday

happyrain =)

[Seeker13]

Hi, All!
Nikki, I've been introduced to EFT Tapping by Sandy on another thread. It's an acupressure technique used for a number of emotional and physical issues. I'm hopeful it will be helpful to those in my family who suffer from anxiety. Talked to my coworkers today about it and as one was having a very stressful day, led her through a quick introduction while we were getting the kids ready to go outside. She was amazed how easy and effective it was. Many expressed interest in learning more, for themselves and in the classroom! Not sure if I was completely competent in the quick walk through, but she felt better! I can see this technique being something I keep in my arsenal of tools for a long while, so thank you again Sandy for posting a thread about it. For anyone interested you can look up EFT Tapping on-line. Several videos on u-tube.

Love,
Kim

[RunningScroll]

Hi Nikki

I hope things are going well for you. I'd just like to mention Donna D'Ingillo's services. Donna is a Urantia Book reader and a channeller of Divine Entities like Christ Michael and Mother Nebadonia. She has extensive experience in helping people release the influences of the Lucifer rebellion, which almost everybody is born with, and have work to do on. I also can resonate with what you are undergoing, as I was born a very shy, and self-conscious person, who seemed to have nearly no practical abilities. Over the years, spending time in meditation, and asking our Divine Parents to come into my mind, body and consciousness in general, I have managed to gradually correct these issues, with some work still pending in this department; it seems to be a slow process.

Donna would probably say, whenever you experience these issues, to call upon Divine Mother and Divine Father (Christ Michael) to fortify and strengthen your consciousness. Pray for clarity and strength, and if you can, take some time out to just breathe and accept their blessings, especially to dissolve any fear.

Keep persistent with this, as they gradually alleviate the sources of these issues.

If you would like to partake of Donna's services here is her website, and keep in mind that services are provided on a donations basis, if money is tight.

http://www.ctrforchristcon.org/

Best wishes,
Dylan

[Sandy]

I'm glad to hear that Donna is taking donations for her services now. She charged my dear friend, Carol, $500.00 (something she really couldn't afford ) about 9 years ago for her services. Granted she couldn't heal Carol's ALS but she did help heal what was broken on another level of human existence. This gave Carol (Wingzie) a deep sense of peace and loving acceptance of this life she had been given. It made all the difference to her as her life slipped away.
love,
Sandy

[Seeker13]

Oh Sandy, sweet, sweet Wingzie...

I was born a very shy, and self-conscious person, who seemed to have nearly no practical abilities.

I'm not sure if this is what you really meant, but this statement struck a very deep cord in me.
I actually became very sad you felt this way. I'm sure even before the beginning of your spiritual journey you had many 'practical abilities'. As a teacher of young children I will state emphatically, "Every child/person is gifted with abilities and possibilities, no matter their personality." Someone else merely made you forget them for a time.

Love to all,
Kim

[Sandy]

"Every child/person is gifted with abilities and possibilities, no matter their personality." Someone else merely made you forget them for a time.

I love this Kim.
xxSandy

[RunningScroll]

Hi Kim

I think I was probably born more right-brain oriented than left-brain. More of a dreamer than a doer. I've had to develop my left brain in order to function. Now I am aiming for whole-brain functionality. I always had abilities, but more in conceptualization in Science, and creativity in music. I wasn't great at dealing with "physical things". Now I am working as a labourer lol! I think it just takes time though, to build new circuits in the brain. Patience, courage, and trust in Spirit. I think there will always be people who have a knack for certain things, that almost seems inexplicable. Well it wouldn't be as fun if that were not the case.

All the best, and thanks for your feedback.

Dylan.

[aidebynature]

I have an advice for anxiety. I count down from ten to one, with good full exhale from the belly between each number.

And then, another advice is to imagine a big egg around you, that has pouring gold over it. Try it! It works well for me, and I am not sure why, but perhaps I am picking up on other peoples feelings and "closing them" off with the egg of gold. That or just changing my thinking for a moment to break the anxiety up. It is simple and works, and yes I have a lot of anxiety. Sorry if this sounds crazy.

[Sandy]

I really appreciate your input, aidebynature. My next door neighbor suffers from anxiety. I've noted your advice and going to share it with her. To tell you the truth, I can use it myself as well. So thank you for sharing.
xxSandy

I just did the 10 count full breath in between.... very nice..calming.

[RunningScroll]

I used to have serious anxiety too. Just walking into a shopping mall made me seriously uncomfortable, as I felt I was battling the dense energies of the place, and couldn't win. There is a process we can go through though, where we regularly spend time in meditation and accept the energy re-patterning of our Divine Parents (Christ Michael and Mother Nebadonia), who integrate new powerful divine energies into our minds and bodies. After this has been going on for some time, you will notice you are no longer debilitated by the dense energies that exist on earth, because you now have Christ Michael's blueprint' within you more powerfully. Then you act as a clearing house for transformational energies, and start to transmute the energies around you, rather than be debilitated by them. Hope this helps! Brother Dylan.

[Lightened717]

I've found the same to be true, Dylan! I have made my relationship with Michael and Nebadonia more "conscious"/"real" in my own experience, and as a consequence, the anxiety that used to debilitate me has decreased incredibly. Things that used to throw me off center now just cause me to become aware of (and rise above - but not through my own efforts) prior triggers. I actually just realized this last night!

[RunningScroll]

Exactly Lightened717! The 'protection' is largely a result of the energy that flows into our being from higher levels (Michael and Nebadonia), it is not of ourselves. Really I think we are living in a slightly different 'dimension' when experiencing this.

Another important point is that every instant of negativity or insecurity has a more powerful solution of love. By definition the good is more powerful than the shadow, because it comes from infinity, therefore, don't worry about the difficulty of the situation (inner or outer), just remind yourself that God is infinitely more powerful.

[RunningScroll]

As we mature, love becomes the most obvious solution and the best. As we gradually squeeze the fear out of our mind and body, love becomes the only reasonable option and the most desirable. Live in the citadel of the Spirit, and nothing can touch your connection to divinity. Watch the versatility and matchable power of this divine place within us!

[Seeker13]

Good morning all!

It is my heart felt hope that all of you on the boards are experiencing a wonderful day without fear, anxiety or ruminations!

Love,
Kim

[aidebynature]

I really appreciate your input, aidebynature. My next door neighbor suffers from anxiety. I've noted your advice and going to share it with her. To tell you the truth, I can use it myself as well. So thank you for sharing.
xxSandy

I just did the 10 count full breath in between.... very nice..calming.

Great! Happy to hear that!
I learned the technique at a course I took for meditation a good few years back and carried it with me since.
If you have the time, try to count from 100 and down too. It does wonders for stress.