Received an 11:11 prompt today

[LolaandLight]

I seldom get these. In truth, this one was 1:11. But, still, it was one I think as a thought popped in my head a short time afterwards. Now, I know to do as the thought directed me to do. I explained in a much earlier post that I didn't come to this site because I received the prompts. I didn't come to the message board for a long time in fact because I hadn't. So, I didn't think that I belonged. Then, one day I realized that my numerology numbers are 11, 11, and 22. My house address and zip code are both 11. So, I figured I belonged. I have received a couple of them, but wanted to scream from the moutain tops when I received this one today.

Also, I received the prompt after sending a couple of lengthy emails to my baby brother (who is 51). I always felt driven to explain life and protect him, to guide him, even as a kid. I felt as if I was directed to do so and would get instructions on what to say to him to help him get through a difficult time with his sense of himself in tact. I think that part of my purpose in life was to help him.

I am a little less than two years older than him. We grew up in circumstances that were difficult in some ways and very sad in some ways. So, I felt moved to protect him. He was such a cute little guy too. Truly a loving and beautiful child. Anyway, as adults, there are some things we just don't or haven't discussed at length regarding some of the personalities involved in, well, mistreating us in some ways. These folks mistreated us, but at least two of them also did a great deal to help us. So, it was a confusing and complicated world to live in, as it is for all humans in human relationships. My brother, and I, still harbor some pain and, he especially, resents two of these folks. My email dealt with explaining some things to him as I saw them and sending him wishes that he let it go and see it as something we lived through that was there as part of the scenery and we made it through it. It is over now. Then, after sending the last email, I looked down and there was the prompt. I think I received the prompt as a way of them saying "yep, you did what you were supposed to do then and are keeping it up. Good job." Then, I got a message in the form of a thought. I am feeling pretty good right now.

[Macker]

Happy days Lola 51 now thats a great age to be ... yep i'm a 1958 child also

[Sandy]

Hi Lola and Macker...

Lola, I didn't get the prompts either when I came here so I understand the feeling just a bit at first as to whether you belong or not. But then just like you, I soon began receiving 7:11 and the treasured 11:11 prompt. In reality, though, whether you are receiving the prompt or not...love is the only criteria of sorts...

What a caring thing you did for your brother. I pray it helps him understand and let go of those long ago traumas. Bless your dear hearts.

Macker... Well I'm right there with you and Lola... born in 1959 I was... I still feel like a teenager some days though...Whew...but still gotta a lot of growing up to do.

Love to you both,
Sandy

[LolaandLight]

I just got an 10:11. Don't know if it means anything, but it is a 1:11 in a way.

Sandy and Macker,

Thanks so much for the replies. I felt kind of strange for having gone into all of that stuff regarding my brother and all. I guess I was feeling a bit proud of myself. There was no need to express this to the world, however. I was going to delete it but this thingy does not allow one to do so after a certain amount of time. It is amazing how one can feel as if they just woke up and found themselves in their fifties, feeling as if they have so far to grow. I have spent years and years talking to God, "feeling" the others around and thinking they were ghosts. I knew that at least one of them was a guardian angel and their personalities have changed over the years. Now, I understand there are bunches and bunches of them and I can go ahead and talk to them. I just wish I could get the listening with a completely present mind down. Usually, they just sneak something in on top of of whatever else is running through my brain. I think it is the fact that they seem to be so ancient and wise that makes us feel so young.

[Sandy]

Hi Lola,
You wrote:

I felt kind of strange for having gone into all of that stuff regarding my brother and all. I guess I was feeling a bit proud of myself. There was no need to express this to the world, however.

Well, Lola I am glad you did! It tells me that you are feeling safe and comfortable with the rest of us here... and something you may not have considered...What you have said in that post may have been important for another reader to hear. That has happened to me before I read someone else's post and a light bulb suddenly/finally dawns in my brain. So open up and write what is in your heart if you feel led. We'll all be better for it.

I just wish I could get the listening with a completely present mind down.

You will. It seems I have heard you say something to that effect before and yet in actuality, you are sort of putting a lot of pressure and even a little guilt perhaps on yourself when you say that.

As these intrusive thoughts arise..try grabbing one...Writing it down and analyzing it objectively, as if it was something a friend uttered. Things like...Why did you think it now? What meaning does it have in my life? etc...Give it some time and some continue to ask questions pertaining to the thought and when nothing new comes up...send it on its way with gratitude for what you have learned..and then ...It's on to the next thought. Try and listen to what comes up. You hold the answers inside. Understand that this process may take a little time and you may not clear everything first go even second or third go...but you will and you are worth it right? Oh, You like to write so it would be good to write what comes up and all the details down. It may help you focus..
This is just a thought, a tool, sis. It has helped me over the years when I will take the time to "clean out the closet"

Love,
Sandy

[LolaandLight]

Sandy,

Thank you, you are quite right. I was riding on guilt about what I perceived as pride when I wrote that stuff in my first post when I went to bed. I woke up and realized that I do this quite often--feeling guilt and shame regarding, well just being who I am, the human part of me. I was created quite wonderfully. I didn't run around thinking that way as a kid. I was just me and some folks around me resented me being me. This sounds a bit conceited'; but, as an adult I can look back on it and see and understand what was going on. My father was even criticized for having pride in me and warned that I would grow up to be full of myself. But, I wasn't really that kind of kid. I was smart and articulate and empathic. I understood what was going on on one level, the spiritual empathic level, but the human in me wanted to be loved. So, I learned to hang my head. I was stunted in my growth on all levels. The freedom that God instilled in me was hidden from my sight. This is what happens to kids that grow up in an emotionally and/or physically abusive household.

Now, I feel shame over feeling shame. What a circle. I didn't fulfill my potential in the an area of life that I was supposed to despite the constant assurance and care of those that watch over me, my guardians. I shut down in some ways. I could still see them and hear them at times. But, there was tremendous grief in me. I have to work on letting light shine on this grief. A good part of this process will be finally learning to not let the world speak too loudly to me, if that makes any sense.

I should say that when I write on here, I am sometimes writing what I am hearing from "them". So, I may come across as far more wise than I am in my day to day dealings with the world. I hear it. Gotta learn to do it--to live it.

[LolaandLight]

In fairness to those who raised me, I should explain something. My father, and his sister, raised me. They were African Americans, colored in those days, of mixed background from southern Alabama. They were born in 1912 and 1914 in rural parts of Alabama. Their mother's mother was born during slavery as was their father's father. Their mother's father was Irish and her mother was a young girl that was a maid in his household that he had relations with. Her mother was the product of a slave holder and a slave. Their father's father was the product of a Scottish slave holder and a slave woman. Sorry to the Irish and Scots on here. But, this was the nature of the times in that part of the US during those times.

As a result, the opportunities that were available to them as they grew up were limited by the world. Now, we know they couldl have seen beyond those spoken limits, but it was desparately hard to garner the insight to see this. By the time myself and my siblings were born (our mother was born in the North and was a great deal younger than our father. I wont go into her background, but her father was born on a Native American reservation). Anyway, when we were born times had changed somewhat for African Americans and were in the process of great change. However, these people that raised me had been waiting for change and not seeing it their entire lives. To be born smart, articulate, very light, and courageous, was a dangerous combination in the world in which they grew up. It meant that the person's spirit had to be conquered to some extent so that when they went out in the world they did not bring undue attention to themselves and seen as "uppity" by blacks, and especially by whites. Being seen in this way could bring danger into your life and great, great dissappointment. If you reached too high, you might get knocked down by the world, or worse, as a woman raped and killed. It was best and safest to stick to those things allowed "coloreds". This was life as a Black American.

This was not the world I lived in in my neighborhood and world. I grew up in probably the most progressive neighborhood in the country which was in the North. Blacks were given the right to vote in the South when I was ten. We watched all of this from home. My father wanted us raised to see the sky as the limit. It had become and was becoming even more so possible as I grew up.

So, my aunts', and an uncle's, knocking me down was part protection and part jealousy. They were jealous of who I was--my potential. But, to excuse their behavior, they said it was for my own good due to what they had seen of life. My father kind of pulled back in encouraging me and gave me over to them to direct. He snapped out of this when I became a teenager and saw Blacks going to major universities. But, by this time, a lot of damage had been done to my spirit. I share some of the blame because I had been told by the "others' to ignore the voices of the world and to be me, to love myself and trust in myself, and I turned my head away and sucked up the pain from the situation. I missed out on the original plan for me. I gave up the freedom in which God allows us to be born.