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A few years ago I began to experience the 11:11 prompt. It was virtually everywhere, but mostly when it came to the clock on my phone and computer. At the time, I was mostly spending my time online, where I had a blog that had amassed over 40k followers. I mostly did advice on my blog, young black women would write to me about everything from relationships, feminism, and spirituality, and I would do my best to answer their questions, often in great depth and detail. I amassed a stellar reputation of giving loving advice that resonated deeply with people. I would get messages all day, every day about how much my words had shifted people's lives for the better, how I had opened them up to the possibilities of their greatest potential, and their immense gratitude towards me. Even though I struggled with my own issues of self esteem, and my romantic life was not what one would called stellar in any way, I was able to bypass that in order to help my followers. The experience gave me a sense of purpose, and looking back on it now, I'm sure that many of those long paragraphs were being channeled. Likely from my thought adjuster though I had no idea what that even was at the time. I expressed such depth of knowledge of with such patience and love towards these virtual strangers, part of which I'm sure was my nature, but also just felt bigger. My ability to amass such a platform so quickly was proof that there was something "special" about me, whether I chose to believe it or not. I believe it's that specialness that attracted the midwayers to me, or perhaps more than likely they have always been here, and just waiting for me to wake up to my own abilities.
I dabble in another spiritual modality called The Michael Teachings. There, I had a chart channeled for me that gave me a little bit more insight about my personality, purpose, but also my struggles. I began meditating daily, and had a few channeling sessions with the entity. They went well, I always appreciated the lax method of the teaching, the feeling that, "this is simply information, do with it what you will." They don't ask for prayer or allegiance, there's no real hierarchy, no real "leaders". As I recovered from modern day Christianity, where my questions were never satisfactorily answered and I often felt resentful and confused of what I knew of God, I felt drawn towards the teachings. Anyway, eventually through more research and again after receiving the 11:11 prompt, I came upon The Urantia Book and began communicating with a fairly famous channel, Chris Maurus.
In the time I learned a lot, but was also going through a deep grief period as I had lost my mother only months prior. I thought I was "fine" but I really wasn't, and I believe that latent grief coupled perhaps with some spiritual interference that I still don't fully understand, and the regular use of marijuana, I suffered an extreme psychotic break and was hospitalized after one scary night of paranoia and hallucinations. I still feel a pit in my stomach when I think of that horrible time. The doctors diagnosed me with Bi-Polar disorder and told me I had had a schizophrenic episode. I can't shake the feeling that something was "on me" or "in me" and my issues were more than just psychological, but spiritual as well. I am slowly coming around to the understanding that I may not ever fully understand what happened to me, but the years since I have spent recovering.
There was a period where the prompts stopped, and in my fear I turned away from all things remotely spiritual, cut off contact with the few people aware of this phenomenon, deleted my blog, and stopped reading the teachings. I completely ignored it existed and stopped doing any real spiritual upkeep, such as visualizations where I would invite my guardians in, crystal healing, aura cleansing and the like. That fear still hasn't completely gone away, but I feel as though I am slowly resurfacing after a long, deep, dark period of stagnation and rest, and ready to recover completely. I have also began to see 11:11 again, not with the every day frequency as before but with enough for me to know that these lovely guardians are aware of me and that I am also ready to explore what we began so long ago. I feel like I have finally began to 'check in' not only with the midwayers but also with myself, and I was searching for a sense of community and understanding.
There's a lot that is overwhelming about this teaching, I still have a significant amount of Christian Guilt, being raised Jehovah's Witness there is so much fear, with everyone believing that this is still Satan's system, and anything that deviates from their strict teaching is the work of evil forces. But, I'm working through it. Despite that beep-beep of fear there is also a deep understanding that I have a certain purpose, that platforms come easy to me because I'm worthy of them. That I am a good and fair person, and willing to be of service to mankind as I was on my blog. Honestly I feel that part of my purpose is absorbing and understanding this information so that I may translate it in a way that people like myself (young, black women) may be able to understand and apply it. In my culture, the hold of standard christianity is like a chokehold, there is so much judgement and fear, and it's compounded by racial divides. I wish to use whatever ability and help I've been given to spread this message of universal love in a way that people who have shared my experiences can understand. I feel like I'm taking the tiniest of baby steps towards that, starting with writing this here and hoping to be welcomed into this space so that I can learn.
Anyway, thank you for reading if you've made it this far and I am so glad I am being prompted again!
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I am smiling at your last sentence...
It was a joy to read your introduction... no difficultly required... In fact, just the opposite...I was enthralled. I kept nodding my head as you spoke about your blog and the readers who benefited. You demonstrated unconditional love...reflected it and so...your words became so much more... You allowed the Divine to work and move through you and I suspect still do even though your blog is long closed.Anyway, thank you for reading if you've made it this far and I am so glad I am being prompted again!
You love... plain and simple ...that is very powerful...and I am thinking that you will teach us as much as the reverse. But that is the way of it...we all contribute...every single one of us, newbies as well as old members... Sometimes one reaches behind on the spiritual ladder and pulls one up and then, dang, just when all seems well, the newbie picks up the old beep-beep" in danger of hanging from the "ladder rung"upside down.
Oh its all good... we all have a path to follow...one as long as the journey to Paradise itself... We may begin Christian...or Hindus or Urantians...or spiritual rejoicers""...yet in the end... as we stand in the brilliant Love and Light of the God whose very presence keeps the stars and fabric of the universe in order... it matters not, I suspect. I am over the moon when I think of the bends and curves of my own journey that the eons of infinity will provide.
Yes, we are one... one gargantuan family... and at this moment I am thrilled to meet a fellow member... You, dear lady.
Welcome to our little branch of that enormous family!
~Governor Andrew Cuomo~
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thank you for sharing a very intimate and beautiful aspect of yourself and opening yourself up once again, to the beautiful energies inside you and have never left you. a good friend tells me, the tide always returns. a soul that has experienced a greater aspect of reality will desire to experience it again, it does not wish to go backwards. i am sorry for your loss. i hope you find peace and you will always be welcomed here. your writing is beautiful.
a not-so-secret, secret is will power above all. practice mindfulness. meditate.
the past, is the past.
the future hasn't happened.
love now and be the change you envision.
if the past comes, greet it with love, forgiveness
if the future happens, accept what it has become, the present
towards love, always.
...a warm welcome. i look forward to reading more.
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My condolences on the loss of your mom. The death of a parent for most of us, no matter our age, is a pivotal event in our lives. Very few of us are truly 'fine' and able to quickly pick up the pieces and move on with life as usual.
Just before coming to the boards today I was contemplating my own daughter, who is remarkable in many ways, talented, insightful, kind to her core, but has suffered most of her life with anxiety and self-esteem issues. Much of what you've written reminds me of her, and myself! It sounds like although you've been through so much, you are ready to be of service to help others by sharing your experiences. You can't go wrong if your intentions are fueled with love.
The past tries to hold on to us with a strangle hold, not realizing it's time is over. If we can put those experiences into the perspective of, " Everything happened for a reason." Then we can say, " I've learned that lesson and am ready to move on to the next. That is not all that I am."
We are all taking our baby steps, welcome to sharing the journey with us.
We are akin to the aspen forests, seemingly separated but in actuality, one organism.