Here are chapters 5 & 6 of my story. The title of chapter 6 is misleading. PART SIX: THE END is the end of Laurie in the physical body, but it is not the end of the story. Chapter 7 is the end.
In the 1st paragraph below I make the bold statement that souls are created in pairs. I have learned to be a little more cautious when making bold statements, and as a matter of fact, I no longer have an opinion of how souls are created because I have now read 3 conflicting versions of the way souls are created, not to mention 2 versions of WHEN they are or were created. Part of this info came through channeled sources and discrepancies can crop up due to the possibility of unintentional errors in communication between the channel and the entity being channeled, and/or the fact that the channeled entity may be misinformed. I have learned that spirits are like people- they are not all-knowing, even though some spiritual entities seem pretty advanced, compared to us! I just noticed that in paragraph 7 below the word "rubbish" appears. That is not my word. My word started with a "c". Interesting. Apparently the software at this website does not allow certain words. No matter. But it does make me wonder what else has been "translated" for me! I don't think any more "translated" words, but I'm not 100% sure. Don't have the time right now to read it either. Enough rambling. Here now, is the story:
PART FIVE: FOUR MONTHS TOGETHER
The weeks rolled by and I drove to Lewiston every weekend to be with my baby. What sweet bliss the nights spent with her were! When we were together the rest of the world didn't matter, we had each other. Together we felt like we did not need anything else, we were content to just be in each others presence. She was everything that I am not, and I was everything that she was not. She was like a part of me that had been missing for a very long time. Soulmates? Who can be sure? It is a fact that souls are created in pairs. My POV is yes, we were, and still are soulmates. I WILL see her again in the next life friends, of this there is no doubt.
We had fun and did things that I will remember and treasure for the rest of my life. Our first "date" was a candlelight dinner at her apartment. She was romantic that way, and I was glad to play along. She cooked all afternoon, I went out and got champagne, and when it was dinner time we got all dressed up in fancy duds, lit the candles, and sat down to eat. What a wonderful time we had.
Another night we walked about two blocks over to the pizza and beer parlor, ordered an extra large pizza and (before I was done) two pitchers of beer. We drank all of the beer and only ate two pieces of pizza. There was a couple of guys across the room at a table who were checking Laurie out. We had a lot of fun discussing what they might be saying. Going home I had her purse over my shoulder and she carried the pizza box because I was too loaded to hold the box level. We staggered and laughed all the way home.
One hot August afternoon we ventured out from the comfort of her air-conditioned apartment and drove to a small park by a large creek and parked right next to the water. The seats in my Ford Probe recline all the way back, so we let them down and just rested in the shade by the water, talking quietly together, listening to the sound of the water.
Another afternoon in the first half of October we were sitting outside on her porch enjoying the October sun. Laurie was planning to send Halloween pencils and Beanie Babies to her grand-kids for Halloween. She had this huge basket which was full of Beanie Babies, and was sorting through all of them trying to figure out which ones would be good to give for Halloween. She looked so happy, and I never loved her more than I did right at that minute. I just looked at her and all I could do was marvel.
Whenever we sat together or were in bed together there was physical contact between us somewhere. Even going back to when we were kids sitting on the couch in her parents house watching "All In The Family" with her dad, there was contact. Laurie first commented on this a few months ago. I hadn't thought about it before and my response was "Oh"? She informed me that even in bed if I turned over to the outside of the bed that I had a leg kicked back touching her. I had to agree.
I was proud of Laurie and proud of the way she looked. I could see that she went through an adjustment period with me. She would ask me things like "Do you think this blouse shows too much cleavage"? Or "Is this too see-through"? Apparently she had been trained to wonder if she looked okay. How unfortunate. What do you think I would say to her? I would say "Baby, if you like it, it's cool with me"! I told her I liked it when people looked at her. Her reply was always something like "Really..."? And I'm like "Yeah baby, really. It's nice to know people think you are attractive". I had complete and total confidence in her and nothing she might have decided was right for her would have offended me in the slightest. All women want to feel like they are nice looking, don't they? But a lot of women get the big put-down from their old men when they try to appear that way, am I right? "Those heels are too high", or "that dress is too short". What a load of rubbish.
At the risk of repeating myself I want to say that everyone who knew Laurie loved her. The reason for this is because she was kind and generous. She cared about people. In her obituary I wrote she was a rare individual who gave more than she took. It is so true that we reap what we sow, brothers and sisters. My baby was one in a thousand. These are not just idle words and blather from someone who has lost his better half! She would not hurt anyone. There were several times these past few months when someone had wronged her and I had told her she needed to say "(...this), or (...that)". Laurie's reply was "I can't do that. I can't hurt someone". Those were her words. She didn't say I can't hurt him (or her). She said "I can't hurt someone". Again, recalling these things I just have to marvel at her! How many people would feel that way? How I loved her!
She would cook food and take it to her neighbors because she liked doing things for people! She bought stuffed animals for the little girl who lived next door with her young single mother. She was teaching the young lady to crochet. She wanted to take dinner to the Saudi college students who lived next door. I was opposed to this initially because we didn't really know them well enough yet. (It turned out that these young men are the very best kind of friends that anyone could have). Laurie bought me socks when I happened to mention that all of mine had holes in them. But here's the best part: she doesn't just buy one kind of socks, she buy two kinds and then comes home asking me which ones I like the best and offering to take the other ones back and exchange them! And she doesn't do this just for socks!! We had a discussion one day in which I happened to mention I had not purchased any clothes in years and everything I had was worn out. Laurie goes out and one item at a time comes back with: two variations of T-shirts, two variations of jeans, two variations of short-sleeved shirts, and two variations of long-sleeved shirts, offering each time offering to take one kind back and exchange them for the one I liked the best. Do you think I am marveling again? YOU BET I AM.
PART SIX: THE END
From the first time we saw each other again after 38 years my baby and I talked about taking our new relationship slowly. After all, we're two intelligent, responsible adults, right? Yeah right! Uh-huh. Sure! I figured we'd get married as soon as I saw the email containing the Facebook friend request from my baby on the 12th of July! I knew right then that I still loved her. She must've felt the same way because it was all of about two weeks before she was asking me if I wanted to marry her. I can understand her concern. I had already avoided responsibility once in her life years ago! I told her there was nothing in this world I wanted more than to be married, but I was going to wait to "officially" ask her. Well, this was confusing her, so the conversation kept coming up. Around the third time it happened I just asked her to marry me and she consented. Then I told her I was still going to "officially" ask her to marry me because I wanted it to be a day she would remember for the rest of her life, and that's all I would tell her about it. My plan was to take her to a really fancy restaurant for dinner and make a big scene that everyone in the place would notice, just like in the movies. I was going to get down on one knee in front of her at the table and take one of her hands in mine. I had this touching speech all rehearsed which I was going to recite. I used to drive my truck down the road at night working on and rehearsing the speech in my mind. In this way we were able to start making plans about when we would get married and discuss our future life together, even though I had not "officially" asked her to marry me yet.
I told my baby I wanted her to have an expensive ring that everyone would notice. When asked why, I would say "I want everyone to know that somebody thinks you're worth it"! It turned out I am the only one who didn't think this idea was completely nuts, including Laurie, but I was fixed on it. In fact, I very nearly had to twist her arm off to get her to accept the idea, but she eventually agreed and we discussed an idea I had for the ring. It was my hope to get something that had some blue in it because I knew it would set off her strikingly blue eyes. She liked white gold, so we went searching for an engagement set of white gold with a large diamond in the center and some smaller blue stones kicking around in there as well.
We sure did not have to look long! Our first stop was a jeweler Laurie had been doing business with for years. He said he had something he had made a number of years ago that might work, but he wasn't sure where it was! Apparently, seven years ago a man had come in and ordered the ring, paid some money down on it and then never came back. It was an engagement set of white gold, with the wedding ring having a large, round blue diamond in the center and two smaller white diamonds set 180 degrees apart next to the center stone. This wasn't exactly what we had talked about, but after searching and finding the ring in the back of his safe, when Laurie saw it she loved it, so we got it. I loved it too because having the largest stone being blue instead of the smaller stones being blue meant it would attract the attention of more eyes. In fact, in the picture on my FB page of us hugging right after we got married, where she is on the right and her left hand is in plain view you can clearly see the blue glint of that diamond if you click on the pic and maximize it.
A week before we got married we decided it would be a good time to go down and get a marriage license. While we were in the courthouse Laurie suggested getting married on that very day. She became very insistent when I objected on the grounds that our Saudi friends wouldn't be there. They had specifically told us they wanted to come. Family and friends are everything in life that is important in their culture. Laurie was so insistent that I almost could not dissuade her from the notion of getting married immediately, and I wondered what was up. I know now my baby knew she didn't have long to live. I had already seen times when she couldn't eat and couldn't keep food down when she did eat. She was having problems with her liver, but at the time I had no clue that she was expiring.
I had told my baby from day '1' that we would live wherever she desired. She could either work, or not work, and that I could, as a truck driver arrange for this. I told her that everything could be the way she most wanted it to be, and that I'd be happy wherever we lived. She had been with the school district for almost 15 years and had a really good benefit package, with insurance costing her almost nothing, and she could add me on to it for almost nothing, so for a long time she thought I should move over there to find a job, and she would continue to work. But sometime in the late summer she came home with me, saw the town, saw my apartment, and changed her mind. She decided she'd move here and retire. We would buy a house here somewhere, and she would spend her golden years here with me, and we would have 2 cats and 2 dogs. Her dream was simply to love me and be loved back, to be able to open the door and step out into the morning sunshine with her watering can in her hand, and tend her vegetables and flowers while the cats and dogs played in the yard and butterflies fluttered happily about. She actually told me that, and I was all for it. She told me I was the "love of her life".
On October 31st about 2:00 in the afternoon I was at my baby's apartment and she was talking on the phone to the secretary at my workplace about insurance. We were in the process of adding her to my coverage. Laurie was told that unless we got married on that very day she would have to wait and get on my insurance at some later date. So we decided in that moment to go out and get married right then, and then come back and get the insurance paperwork emailed back to the office. I was STILL going to "oficially" ask her to marry me when the time presented itself. I know this might be an unusual way of getting married, but then this is an unusual story, right? We went next door and told our Saudi college student friends that we were getting married that very day and asked if they could come on such short notice. They had been very adamant earlier about wanting to be at our marriage ceremony, and since all of their classes were over for the day they said they could make it, no problem. So Haif, N'fal, Scarleth, Mohammed, Muhammad, and my baby and I went down to the courthouse and we were married that very day at 4:30 in the afternoon. We had the rest of the day together, all of the following day, and on the next day, Nov 2, at noon, I left to come back home because I had to get back to work. That was the last time I ever saw my wife alive.
My wife and I used to talk until very late at night on the phone when I was at work driving. We did that for months. I make 3 or 4 trips a night which usually take around two hours or more to complete. I would call her every little while and we would talk for 30 or 40 minutes, planning the details of our new life together, and how we would get her moved over here.
A week and a half after we were married, on Nov 11 at 8:30 in the evening I was talking to my wife and thought she sounded very tired. I asked her if she wanted me to call her back in an hour or so and she said yes. This was the last time I would ever speak to her. The last thing my wife said to me was "I love you with all my heart Johnny. We're going to be happy and live together for a long time". We then said our "I love you's" and our "Bye-byes". I didn't realize it at the time, but she had to have been telling me this, knowing she was dying, yet she remained positive and sounded happy on the phone, not wanting to hurt me. I found out later she had not eaten all week. It wasn't until much later, after the autopsy, that I figured out why. She couldn't eat- her liver hurt too much. And yes, I am marveling at her again...
An hour later I called and all I got was voicemail. At first I thought she had just fallen asleep, but she said she would have the phone by her ear so she would hear me call. I tried calling 5 or 6 more times that night. I called her at 6AM before I went to bed and still no answer. Now I'm really getting worried. Two hours later at 8AM I woke up and tried calling her again. No answer. At this point I called my boss and told him I had to go to Lewiston and wouldn't be at work that evening.
When I got to her apartment I entered through the side entrance because it was close to where I park my car. The living room was in disarray. Actually, it looked like a cyclone had swept through it. At this instant I became fully aware of an emotion I had never experienced before. Terror. You don't really know what that is until you experience it. I walked into the hall, peeking in the bathroom. All of the makeup and things my wife had laying around the sink had all been knocked onto the floor. I took a peek into the laundry room, then entered the bedroom and it was the same- everything was knocked over. There was a box of about 15 ceramic Christmas coffee cups that Laurie was going to fill with candy and give at Christmastime to all of the children she worked with at school. It had been knocked on the floor and some of the cups had broken. There is now only one place I haven't looked at in her apartment- the kitchen.
I go back up the hall and turned the corner into the kitchen. Now I know there is another emotion I have never experienced before. Horror. You won't really know what that is until you experience it, if you ever do. And then you will know what it is and you will know that you know what it is. My beautiful wife was laying face down on the kitchen floor, stone cold, dead and stiff. She had obviously passed over on the previous evening. It was strange to see her there like that, so quiet and still, and as unmoving as the floor she was lying on. I screamed LOUDLY for probably two minutes. Did you ever see a Klingon warrior on TV scream when a comrade falls? It was a lot like that.
My wife's arms were up and her hands were clasped together palms down under her head. Her legs and feet were together and perfectly straight behind her. This and the disarrayed condition of her dwelling told me she had not collapsed, but had got up out of bed, probably in pain, stumbled around and ended up in the kitchen, where she laid herself down in a dignified manner knowing that she was about to leave. The toxicology report would later show there was no measurable amount of alcohol in her blood, and there were no drugs in her system, except for quinone, a derivative of quinine which is used in medications as a pain reliever for muscle cramps. I doubt that the quinone helped that sweet, wonderful, beautiful, baby wife of mine in her last hours. The autopsy concluded cause of death was liver failure.
Each one of us manifests our own reality with our mind, through what we perceive (5 senses), what we think (thoughts), what we feel (emotions), and what the conscious, but more importantly and not generally understood, what the subconscious mind believes. Becoming knowledgeable of what the subconscious mind is and how it operates, combined with proper training of it gives us effective control over our beliefs. Therefore, by CHOOSING our thoughts carefully, CHOOSING our emotions, and CHOOSING our beliefs we gain control over our reality, and gain the ability to direct our lives but that's a whole 'nuther story, one which I only recently began to understand clearly. I seem to be getting a little wound up here, however I do need to take this a little further and state first that I am most definitely NOT a bible thumper, nor am I religious. But I DO want to make it clear that when Jesus said many times, for instance, in Matthew 21:21,22 "If you have faith and never doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain 'Be taken up and cast into the sea', it will be done. And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith", he was NOT speaking metaphorically. He meant every word literally. This statement is so mind-blowing when understood that it bears repeating. Jesus does not say "Watch and I'll do this miracle by making the fig tree wilt". He states clearly to his disciples that they can do the same thing, and not only that, but they can move a mountain "if you have faith and never doubt". (!!!) Jesus does not say to ask for one good thing in prayer or another good thing, he says "WHATEVER you ask for in prayer you will receive, if you have faith".
So rather than sit around pining and wondering why did this happen to me I CHOOSE to be grateful that my wife and I had not been together for 40 years (or longer!) and then had this happen. I loved Laurie dearly, but how much harder will it be for those who lose their partner after a lifetime of being together? My boss said to me at Christmastime "I hope next year is better for you than this one". I thought about that and then told him "I will NEVER have a better year than this one". I really mean that, and I CHOOSE to be grateful for what we had, rather than CHOOSING negative thoughts and emotions.
Death of the physical body is not the end of life, friends. It is, rather, the beginning of life so long that 60 or 80 years on earth is not even as the blink of an eye in the next realm, the whole purpose being one of evolution as individual entities with distinct personalities toward a central point. This is the greatest Truth our world has to offer. We have been told this for thousands of years, by many people, including Jesus himself, by all of the world's major religions, and more recently in the last hundred years or so by literally thousands of instances of channeled spirit , and recently even remote viewing is confirming this.(1)
I WILL see my beloved wife again!
(1) Cosmic Voyage, by Courtney Brown, chapters 15, 18, and 22.
This is truly a remarkable story . . .not just what you and Laurie share together, but also your unusual attitude about the brief (physical-world) time you shared. It's inspiring to me especially, as I've posted elsewhere on this site about Death fears, associated with my loves ones.
i got no words worthy, just thanks......
)
