HELP PLEASE! its to much right now. I don't want to go crazy

[chris187]

I feel silly posting this here.
I really don't know what to say. I think a lot of people are crazy and imagine things. I am very much interested in quantum physics and mechanics. So in a way I think I go the mindset that is smarter that the one that is smart enough into tricking itself. If that makes sense. Like believe our consciousness creates part of our reality.
I finished it and soon as it went black and the credits started I looked up at the clock not thinking of 11 though and it was there. I didn't plan on staying up all night. I actually started the movie earlier but got a message from some girl on facebook. I am still a somewhat young male so I was pursuing that. So I stopped the movie for a good hour at least. even reminded it to show my little brother the part where he first sees his father in the bed and closed his eyes and all the sudden the father is sitting up all creepy looking. and then took a minute to find what part I was at. I even paused it maybe to go to the bathroom at another point. I wasn't even paying attention to the clock. The movie was very good and gave me some pretty good chills and goose bumps. I know its a movie . I have seen tons. But this one really did something. I don't know why. Its the director of many great horror films out there. Its a red box rental that I have had since like sunday, monday or Tuesday. i cant remember. so i put it off . why couldn't it have been 12 after or 22 after or 48 after or 2 hours previous or something. I begin to wonder about the subconscious. you know that thing that creates its own reality as far as we know.
I have never taken acid. I have always been scared to. When I was a kid I had some weird experiences with what doctors would say are hallucinations. one in particular. OMG. This can't be real. I remember one the most. I slept in a bunk bed with my brother on the top one. I woke up with him crying and scared. Somehow the bunky board, mattress, and him were lifted up where up and an angle an slid in towards the feet of the bed. one of the posts somehow came of and was a danger of falling off as in not resting on the bottom post. I swore all four had dowels in them. There is no way I could of pushed with my feet up or anything in my sleep . i wasn't strong enough. My dad was half asleep. I realized it and it really scared me. The memory is faded but I remember something in the room with me. I never talked about it when I was younger. It wasn't a fear of being crazy. It was something else. Like a truth I could not tell . Like a secret. This really bothers me like because it was my little brother and seeing what happened in the movie. Again I know its a movie. I have been called a hypochondriac and told that I over think things too much. I am prob going off on many different tangents as I right this.
Right now I am feeling I should stop. I have seen people entertain an Idea and it take control of it. A big part wants me not to. I have had weird experiences in my life. Where I have even saved lives. With premonition or what i would call a blind premonition. Where I rush to do something else not for the good cause but something else and it falls into place. I often feel I can see things others can't. now I remember something when I was earlier in my 20s . Me my mom and maybe other siblings where out in the yard. It was dark. picking up the tons and tons of leaves. she worked herself really hard. At one point I looked up at her and she flashed into a different shape. Like a beast of some sort. I quickly ignored it out of fear. but looking back on it I remember i thought it was her true self or like spirit . Being a beast is though to be ugly. But only to a normal body in this world. Beauty doesn't exist i dont think in the spirit world or whatever. It was hard to see. very dark. The figure didnt light up either. I could see emotions in the figure like a true self. sorry its hard to explain. I feel like I am coming off as one of those people who thinks they see all kinds of crazy stuff.
For a long time I have been questioning my life and purpose cause its like satan or some being is trying to make it real hard for me sometimes. I was rejected most of my childhood growing up. no friends. Treated like a handicapped kid.
I have this i dont want to say cocky but a sense where I know better than others and am smarter than others.
I used to take anti depressants. looking back on it now i was different. I was like numbed. Which is maybe a big reason I started or liked meth so much. I lived in California in an area where it was plentiful and cheap. When sometime after I started I think I became inactive in the church. BTW I am referring to the Mormon church. I know I am gonna get many comments about that. Anyways I didn't go to church that much. I actually busted out the bible on it. I hated reading. Even though I was inactive I started looking at the world a different way and had this crazy Idea that I was going to do something so big and change the world. I was very unhappy and felt very unloved. At this time in my life I new who I was and didn't feel any loneliness. Even when I wasn't on the drug. I moved away from that place. It was like the last day. I remember this guy coming with a trailer sent by the realtor to help get rid of big trash and whatever. he was christian I think somehow we got talking about what I am doing with my life. I told him that I was going to change the world and save people. It might of been someone political too. He warned me passively about taking on the world could be dangerous and you could get killed . He didn't say that but something like that. I remember having no fear and saying something like it will be worth it or bring it on. I had this conviction that I was so righteous and I had to abolish evil. The next few months was an adjustment for me because I was a heavy user of meth.
I believe the drug opens parts of the brain. I just think some people get too ADHD with it and their brain can't still on one idea so long. They could like think up cold fusion then all the sudden have a solution that thing at work , and on and on,
BTW no I am not on Meth right now. lol I have always been this type of person. My imagination gets me in trouble. Had much trouble in school. I am often in another reality. I dont mean that as a hallucination or sensation but daydreaming all the time. I can sit and do nothing and be content where is someone else has to watch tv or be walking around or doing something, I took stuff apart when I was a toddler that I don't believe so but my family tells me so.
My situation seems difficult I believe so many different christian beliefs and ways of living. I have this thing about me where I am real quick to help people. Its like I have to. Its difficult because I don't know what the hell I believe. It could be true or I was indoctrinated. this is the only life I have had as far as I know. It sucks cause there is no way to find out it seems. I use drugs sometimes and sometimes drink often. I have fornicated a whole bunch . So does that mean anything for whether or not the church had a huge affect on me. I ask myself why am I writing all this. I wasn't going to write anything about my past. I guess I always had a missing part. Like something I needed understanding too.
I never think about numerology. even after that Jim Carey movie. Back when that time period I talked about this song became my favorite. It was on this tool album I have had forever. Never listened to the song really. at the time i didnt understand some of the lyrics. Especially in this one part where he sings the word eleven. I heard it earlier in this song but not in this part where the song changed. btw this is all popping in my head as I write. I became obsessed with this part of the song and would listen to it over and over and over and over and over. Now looking back on it, it seems crazy. Now that I know all the lyrics it makes me really wonder. I had no Idea what it meant but it sucked me in musically . It was always so deep for me. If someone asked me what it was I wouldn't have a clue. Watching this movie it was a slap in the face . Still not sure what it means.
http://youtu.be/h201m8_pkRI
Can you guys please watch it. It has the lyrics too. Listen to all of it. the part I became obsessed with was at about 3:57
where the music descends and gets all dark. Please guys I want to know what you make of this. The singer talks about the third eye a lot. This is really weirding me out right now. Please guys I would like some thoughts or something. At least about this song.

oh and when I registered to this site the captcha was this.
1111:*
was it like that for everyone else. Simple bots can read that so I want to assume it changes. oh geeze I just realized the astric or whatever is like a star. i googled it and it and looked at the images.
i counted the 11th one with the safe search off and it was this
http://glaciersofnice.com/shop/?p=816

this was the search
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe ... 2AWT0pzDCw

[Sandy]

Hello and Welcome Chris187,
Well, I have to smile, for a person who starts out by saying you don’t have much to say, well, it seems you have found your voice. That is good.

What was it that led you to this website? Was it the movie you watched? I know there are horror flicks out there using and somewhat abusing the 11:11 time prompt, alluding that it can be something terrible... but that’s Hollywood and that’s what sales. You cannot believe everything you see on the cinemas or for that matter what you read...but you know this. The 11:11 phenomena is in itself a very beautiful thing but with all things beautiful, people can pollute it and make it ugly for a buck.

What we believe is very personal, I suppose and just because we believe something...well, that doesn’t make it Truth for everybody. What we accept as truth though usually propels us along a life journey where we search, we stumble, we pick ourselves up, we learn and we go on... sometimes to do the scenario all over again. Some parts of our life we would like to "rewrite", but of course, that can’t be done as we "write" in the present and we hope that makes the future a little less treacherous...

I am hoping as you read this reply that you have done some searching about the meanings of this lovely number 11 on this website...Here are a few URLs to start you off...

11:11 Background and Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
http://board.1111angels.com/viewforum.php?f=9
11:11 signals are driving me nuts!
http://board.1111angels.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=345
11:11 - more questions about number sequences
http://board.1111angels.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=2059

It may also be helpful for you to explore the 11:11 forum and read the celestial messages forum if you are truly fearful of what is behind the number prompts. I assure you there is nothing to fear...just the opposite.

Of course, we do not expect you to accept and believe anything, what we share here are our own experiences, many of us having come here either confused, fearful, etc... and as we did our own researching, came to our own conclusions and found our own unique “pearl of great price.” This internet place exists as merely a place to open a door for those who are reaching for meaning and purpose of life and the clues behind the elusive number prompts. Where you go from here may be anywhere as the path uncoils before you. But one needs to be serious not merely curious...our intentions come from deep within us, those that lead towards a knowledge of the spiritual kind... it has nothing to do with religiously given mores and disciplines.

“I have had weird experiences in my life. Where I have even saved lives. With premonition or what i would call a blind premonition. Where I rush to do something else not for the good cause but something else and it falls into place.”

This is a very good thing. Often those bits of intuition come from our inner and Higher self. It is called many names but in reality is a part of the Infinite Creator, a special gift for each of us. By recognizing the influence and using it, trusting it more and more we align ourselves more with our True selves and life purpose. Truly this is a beautiful thing and because of this and because of other celestial friends I have met, I can say, Yes indeed there truly is beauty in the spiritual world.

Even in beasts there are beauty...as we look a little deeper at their unique abilities and senses... animal beasts and sometimes in human beasts too... there is a shred of beauty, quite possibly in the later it may take a huge effort on our part to see it with unconditional love, the eyes of the Divine.

“I feel like I am coming off as one of those people who thinks they see all kinds of crazy stuff.”

Most of us here may sound crazy and most of us here have seen crazy stuff... But recognize that just because someone else does not have the same experience does not mean that it did not happen for the other person. We cannot prove anything to anybody...we just experience and feel with amazing clarity the rightness the Truth of it all as it applies to our own journey. What does not resonate with you as true ..well that just means that perhaps this particular thing that you are contemplating is not the right path for you, the one that will lead you with confidence into eternity and towards the Source of All.

“For a long time I have been questioning my life and purpose cause its like satan or some being is trying to make it real hard for me sometimes. I was rejected most of my childhood growing up. no friends. Treated like a handicapped kid.”

Life can be very hard and so we feel we need a scapegoat. Satan works as good as any, but in reality our life and our choices, they are our own responsibility. With the hard things in life (my own life has had some hard things) it is in the overcoming that we gather something very valuable...knowledge... experience...understanding...compassion, etc..
For instance, I was picked on as a child. Mostly because I was a little overweight and a sensitive young lady. It hurts to be chastised by your peers and it can be very damaging. To this day, I still bear the scars in self esteem. (working on that ) Yet, it helped me to release these awful things of the past by seeing where the abuse was coming from, by looking closer at the person, in my instance a neighbour child my own age who didn’t have a very good home life. Her father was an alcoholic and she was in fact jealous of me and my family life, wishing she had siblings and a dad who spent time with us. She was trying to hide a very sad secret...and the rest of us didn’t have a clue. I now see her with compassion and it has removed the worst of the stigma and the hurt from those long ago days.

“I remember this guy coming with a trailer sent by the realtor to help get rid of big trash and whatever. he was christian I think somehow we got talking about what I am doing with my life. I told him that I was going to change the world and save people. It might of been someone political too. He warned me passively about taking on the world could be dangerous and you could get killed . He didn't say that but something like that. I remember having no fear and saying something like it will be worth it or bring it on. I had this conviction that I was so righteous and I had to abolish evil. The next few months was an adjustment for me because I was a heavy user of meth.”

Awhhh changing the world. Now you are talking like a light worker. There is nothing wrong with that. beautiful... The thing is, you are changing the world every time you offer someone a smile, a helping hand... compassionate understanding, perhaps help with a problem or task. Changing the world comes in many many forms and we all participate in it in large ways or in small ways. The world will be changed one person at a time through love and kindness. Think back to a time when a stranger did something kind to you that changed your perspective for a day.... I can remember one instance years ago I was having all these horrible problems. The world felt like it was closing in on me and I reflected that doom and gloom in my attitude and body language. On this day, I am grumpily driving through a parking lot, ready to perform one of a million errands for the day. I was upon a pedestrian crosswalk before I knew it and this woman from out of nowhere it seems (in reality behind a parked car LOL) began to cross in front of me. Luckily I was able to come to a screaching halt in time. My heart was pounding a mile a minute but as I looked at this woman, she smiled at me so kindly, looking me straight in the eyes and waved to me...as you have said, it is hard to explain but there was more there and as I parked the car I cried, releasing all that pent up emotion ...all the poison ...and from what... one woman’s understanding smile. ( granted I learned a valuable lesson to pay attention when driving a car as well) But it changed the course of my day and who knows...my life...as each moment is interconnected.
As the days flow into weeks and the weeks into months and so on... as the years pass by each moment we have extended a beautiful part of ourselves will be magnified as "the ripples" from all those incidents touch others and they add their own lovely "ripples" to this "earth’s pond." It will take time but we do this for the children yet to come... and the earth will change.

Music can be very powerful... and have a unique message for each of us as we listen to the lyrics much like a painting touches people in different ways. Music, poetry, paintings, the arts... they post powerful images that we take with us...each of us can find what we need for soul growth in these many different ways. Shredder and Jack who are deeply into music composition can probably better answer this from the musicians point of view and what they wish to convey... but what we must be mindful of is that we are also influenced by what we have experienced... and music can be used to create moods be they dark or light from the artists own eneavors.
The music from the Exorcist will always create this bubble of fear within me after seeing the movie years ago. The theme song from the movie Jaws still makes me look around in the water be that even if I am in a public swimming pool. So I am wondering if before we can interpret meaningfully I wonder if it is important to know ourselves and the whys or why nots something causes emotional reactions within us...We must know and understand ourselves. How many people have been moved to tears after hearing a pain racked Love song after a break up of their own...we accept these musical messages at a very personal level... The artist of the Song Jimmy very likely had his own personal message written into the song...but if it moves someone else positively..what a bonus for him!

I will look into the captcha thing... in just a little bit...but I don’t think it is the same for all people.

Well I have rattled on a little too much but just want to add it is nice to meet you, Chris.
It is also good to hear you are off the meth.
Love,
Sandy

[sammy]

Hi Chris 187

Wow! Sandy gave you some awesome answers, I can't think of a single thing to ad...so I'll just say Welcome to the board!

LOVE!!!!
Sammy

[CityLight]

Hell chris187 and welcome!
Sandy welcomed me here as well sometime ago, i remember being very overwhelmed with the urgent need to understand what was happening to me. I am very glad Sandy was there to "soften the blow" so to speak. Without any suggestions or ideas she showed me Love. that Love calmed me. I would read her incredibly wise reply here at least twice, it in fact helped me also just reading it. I am very happy to hear you quit drug abuse, and one of the deadliest too. I am proud of you brother, and I see that those prompted (such as you)are truly capable beings. I was also a big 'TOOL" fan. As you maybe know 'Maynard James Keenen' also battled a substance abuse problem, and from the first album full of hatred and disgust, it reached a lighter point years later, where he hit a very spiritual moment in his life. He realized we are all one. He was awakening ,just as you are brother. Welcome to a place you can be what ever you are compelled to be, even if only as a first step.

Love ya Sandy and Sammy!

[Sandy]

I love you too. (((((((Daron)))))))

[arleneangle]

I think it is so exciting what you talk about.