11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Use this forum to ask or post about 11:11, 12:34, 2:22, 22:22 etc. The wake-up digital clock signals of our loving celestial friends. They also delight in flicking on or off street lights, traffic lights and ringing door bells.
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Sandy
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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by Sandy » Wed Nov 02, 2011 6:23 am

((((((DAVE)))))))
I've answered your pm before seeing this but I just wanted to say that I believe you were honest with your feelings as they came up and were experienced. That is important... because otherwise it is easy to bottle up detremental happenings in a place within where we think they do us no harm but come out in other ways even more harmful. Everybody needs help now and then in the "bearing the mortal traveler's load." You had a lot to bear at one time.
I was pleased to read your pm and what you have experienced in your short absense. Please know that life sometimes takes us away from each other for one reason or another but the love remains no matter where we are.. If you find you are pulled in a direction away from the board..that is good and right too. But should you need us, we will be here ... at least I hope we will always be here with plenty of hooks on the wall for those dusty cloaks, a warm fire in the hearth and plenty of smiles and listening ears. In the meantime we will just enjoy each others company... :sunflower:
Love,
Sandy
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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by SWPA_Man » Thu Nov 03, 2011 5:25 am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78X4So5A1jY

That is an acoustic remake of one of my favorite songs by my fave band...

OK, hmm...Just dropping by tonight...Not much going on, things be still a changin'...Taking stock in what really went on. Taking a real "look" at it...I mean, taking a look at the past 8 months. A 3rd party view into it....Its unreal.

I walk into my garage yesterday morning...A hand written note my dad (who passed away last May) gave to me about 3 years or so ago was on the floor between the table and the desk...About 7 feet away from where it was thumbtacked to the wall, with the thumbtack under it.

It reads: "From the greatest rejection, comes direction"

I look around, no one been there...

Coincidentally, his picture that has been on top of the filing cabinet for over a year was laying face down...His WWII Army Air Corps one.

I got his message loud and clear.

Much love to all, ya'll!

I have some weird vibes things are going in a really different, yet great, direction...Not in a hurry either, just have a good feeling? Can't explain...

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by Sandy » Thu Nov 03, 2011 8:36 am

Hi Dave,
Well that was pretty..very smooth and easy on the ears. Thank you for that!
You sound good... optomistic as you are looking at the direction ahead of you. :) It warms my heart on this chilly day to think of the closeness between you and your Dad. In a strange way it comforts me today, this reminder that you received, that the realms that seperates us is not so great after all.
:sunflower:
Love,
Sandy
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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by sammy » Thu Nov 03, 2011 12:52 pm

Wow Dave! What an awesome quote!
"From the greatest rejection, comes direction"
It somehow reminds me of an explanation for forgiveness I heard a few years ago...when you are trying to truly forgive someone, look at what lessons that experience taught you and think "thank you FOR GIVING me this experience".

LOVE!!!!
Sammy
Love is a daily decision ~ Mom & Daddy John

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by SWPA_Man » Tue Dec 20, 2011 8:18 am

Heya all, much love and greetings to you...I just wanted to stop in and say hi.

Been working through this nightmare, backsliding, forward, backsliding forward. Been something I've never been acquainted with before, so its definitely not to take "light"...A lot of emotions come and go. It gets pretty bad at times still, and I guess there's just not getting over under or around. Just through.

I have a lot of things to share, philosophical wise, I will be writing...I don't know what kind of trip this life has been, in retrospect, its been one wild ride. I'm just hoping that the future, with better decisions, can bring some peace.

I'm thinking about the lessons in life mostly, for the most part I've had it pretty good in a lot of ways. Traveled, seen the world, experienced a lot of neat things most people wouldn't believe...Now, for "life's" lesson or experience, it seems to be about "pain" and "loss"...My dad passed last year in May, but yanno, this is so much deeper. I never believed in that whole "soul mate" connection thing ever before, until I wound up with Ashley. I got a grief from a ultra religious person over that saying "you had a soul connection" with her, you had a "soul connection" with her. Well? Isn't that what your SUPPOSED to do when you love someone? All because I had "bonded" with her outside of a legal marriage? I "learned" to love. I learned to love her...I gave like never before.

Kind of a huge kick that it ended this way for me though...I don't know how to put that? I just keep on with the "why's" about it...I don't know that its "right" to question God about things, but I sure have been...I don't feel bad about it, I just have unanswered things that torment me over this unimaginable pain that I never ever thought even existed. I know how she felt. And I don't use the drugs or drink. I'm kind of digging it sober, experiencing it for real...Hard to wrap my head around the reality of the person who was my everything just gone...

As it is, and I know it just to be flat out true, I was the catalyst in her demise. Its a bad place to be in, but that's just a "truth"...I'm ok with it to a certain extent, I have no other way to be basically...But cosmically speaking, it seems it was meant for that to happen. Somewhere beyond all of this it seems, to me, that the "lesson" I was to experience was what I AM experiencing?

You people have been on my mind for quite some time...Sorry I haven't been around babbling and what not...LOL...But seriously, my life is changing, I've been working LATE hours every night at my property to get it fixed to sell. I'm changing directions, its time...I wanted Ashley to get into her own business staffing a travel nurse agency, I'm moving into starting something like it...Of course after all this sells. I've not worked to my fullest potential on this trip so far, or is that-not worked at something I've been completely happy with...

Wow, I had a lot of stuff to get out there, seems to have vanished? Then again, I'm beat up tired, and its late here...I'm going to be getting up out and about here :)

See you all soon BIG HUGS AND LOVE!

D

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by Geoff » Tue Dec 20, 2011 8:49 am

SWPA_Man wrote: I got a grief from a ultra religious person over that saying "you had a soul connection" with her, you had a "soul connection" with her. Well? Isn't that what your SUPPOSED to do when you love someone? All because I had "bonded" with her outside of a legal marriage? I "learned" to love. I learned to love her...I gave like never before.
Yeah, I HEAR you.

Funny thing, although different circumstances, that was my first lesson. Its all about the love.

love,
Geoff
Love commands the universe. Man only resorts to control when love is missing.
~ said Jesus through Glenda Green in "Love without End" ~

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by Sandy » Wed Dec 21, 2011 7:14 am

Hello Dave,
I was hoping you would stop in soon. :) I've been thinking of you and how you might be getting along. Christmas is lovely, but it can also bring up some sad memories and loneliness at times.
Don't you pay any attention to that so-called "religious person" who gave you grief over the phrase "soul connection". They do not have a clue what they are talking about... and you, dear man, cannot control what comes out of the mouths of others. They, I suppose, are entitled to think and say what they want but I wish they would look a little harder about the effect of their harsh and judgemental words on others. LOL I suppose I better watch my own self and big mouth ;) and leave those above mentioned to their own eventual judgement. It's just...I do not want you hurt any more than you already have been. You are going through one of life's harshest lessons... and finding love, I hope, at the beginning, in the middle and at the end when you are given a "bright gold star" from the Divine for lesson learned!

We love you brother...don't be a stranger and come back and say hello when you can. :kiss:
(((((((HUGS)))))))
Sandy
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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by sammy » Wed Dec 21, 2011 1:01 pm

I've been thinking about the "ultra religious" person who gave you grief over the term "soul connection"...it is amazing to me how people can be God loving yet so insensitive. My dad died about a month ago. My parents (well, now just mom) live about an hour and a half from my house. We took one of our unused bedrooms and made it up for my mom. She has a great support system of friends where she lives, but doesn't like being home alone. Our idea was that the room would be there for her whether she wanted to stay one night or stay forever. She shared this with a "friend", the friend responded in a lecturing tone "you know your have to let them live their lives" (as though she were placing some sort of burden on us). Sigh...I guess it takes all types, but it is beyond me how someone can respond to sadness and the loss of a dear one with such negativity.

Who has the right to challenge your connection to Ashley????!!!! :bomb

Well...me getting angry for you is not going to help anyone. Deep breath...sending love and compassion to you AND your "ultra religious" friend.

LOVE!!!!
Sammy
Love is a daily decision ~ Mom & Daddy John

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by jack6251 » Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:35 pm

I have to say, some of the most un-Christian Christians I've ever met...are "Christians"!

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by SWPA_Man » Sat Jan 14, 2012 7:11 pm

Heya all! LTNS! Been really busy with life...Getting things in order and moving forward.

Things have really eased up on me about 3/4 weeks ago. Can't explain it? Then again, in one reality it comes to mind that no one can share consciousness or pain with a person. The experience is singular. Thats where I've been. Into this on my own, well, you know there's been help otherworldly, but its been one bad ride for a long time. The depths of sadness, sorrow, depression that I would never believe existed...Maybe this was part of my lesson? I don't know? I can't imagine any "life's lesson" in this loss? Then again...

Been getting a LOT of weird prompts if you will? 448, 1448, 420...And thats not telling me to smoke a marijuana cigarette, although I have no complaints about that, I don't think I'm being told to...LOL...Then again, maybe time to throw on a tie dyed shirt and rasta it out? Hahaha! Oddly, the 448 thing, old unit at Lakenheath, 48th TFW...Weird...

Also always seems to pop up any time with the 11 after it? Don't know if I'm subconsciously looking or not, but the 448 one is more prominent than the rest...11:11 now and then on occasion but not as frequently as a few months back...

Here we go, phone ringing, work... :-/

Love to all!

D

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by happyrain » Fri Jan 20, 2012 9:33 pm

hi D
thanks for sharing here, it has been interesting seeing your turn around in perception and way of being. i'm happy to know you're feeling a little more centered and strengthened from it all. and love to you as well . . . : ) (thank you)

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by SWPA_Man » Thu Jan 26, 2012 5:49 pm

Hey All! Happy Australia Day to me friends down under...Yeah, enjoyin' that warm weather aren't ya? Rain, misery, cold, and just waiting for the snow to eventually get here...LOL...

Much love to all :0)

D

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by Sandy » Thu Jan 26, 2012 6:08 pm

Hi Dave,
Yes, HAPPY Australia Day to all the Ozzies! Australia Day slipped up on me this year as I have been in the US for a couple weeks now. It looks like George and Geoff may be having some rain along with their warm summer temps in New South Wales. Seems we have had a very unusual wet summer in our parts but hopefully this extra water will do us great good because we never know when the "water faucet" will be turned off again. :)

It's raining here in Ohio today. I gotta admit that I'm looking forward to the next snow and my first one in a few years! :mrgreen: :bana:

Love,
Sandy
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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by SWPA_Man » Thu Jan 26, 2012 6:33 pm

Ohio? I'm in Pennsylvania! Just south of Pittsburgh...

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by jack6251 » Thu Jan 26, 2012 9:11 pm

Happy Australia Day Sandy! :)

I have a happy day tomorrow too...it's called pay day :D and boy do I need it, the prices here in UK are rocketing lately.

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by Geoff » Thu Jan 26, 2012 11:18 pm

Yeah we are looking like ducks here. We did get a stop in the rain, in Woy Woy, long enough for the afternoon fair and evening fireworks.

love,
Geoff
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~ said Jesus through Glenda Green in "Love without End" ~

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by Sandy » Fri Jan 27, 2012 4:49 am

I'm staying near Columbus a few hours from the Ohio/Penn border. It is sooooo good to see my kids! My eldest I get to see tomorrow when he comes for the week end. :bana:
:loves
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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by sammy » Fri Jan 27, 2012 1:43 pm

:bana: :bana: :bana: :bana: :bana: :bana: :bana: :bana: ENJOY!!!!!

LOVE!!!!
Sammy
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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by SWPA_Man » Wed Mar 07, 2012 6:55 pm

Heya ALL, much care and love sent out here...

Coming up on 6 months here, the anniversaries are difficult at best, and I'm still floundering at times...I just keep praying and asking for help.

Her mom is still dealing with the fallout from this all, and hasn't even really had it sink in yet that she's gone. She's busy keeping her household together and paying bills and doing what she can to keep things afloat. Me, keeping sanity together is key. The stages of grieving are horrifying. Its a non stop cry fest, now its down to "I miss you"...I know there were things that could have been done. But, as I look back at this in retrospect, and the further I get away from the "impact date" somehow I can't help but think this was the only way I could ever see her going anyway? Its madness, but true...

Her sister has an innate distrust of everyone, and me in particular for what reason I have no clue? But the toxicology report came back and said "she was grieved over the recent break up of her and her boyfriend" and that's why she did this. Its an emo-coaster of up and downs for me...I have no idea where this ends for me to be honest? From the survivors of suicide group saying that you never end grieving over a suicide because its and "out of order death" to me just wishing and hoping that she knows now how much she was loved...Its fairly pure, its genuine...

The other thing is that as I reflect, I had a whole lifetime of an experience in the short time we were together, connected closer than most married people, to watching her die over 2 months, to the end...I can't say how you can compact all of that in one setting, but its real.

I knew we would be hanging out together from the first time I talked to her...To telling my mom 2 weeks before she did call "hey, yanno, this girl, I have a weird vibe she is going to call me" and lo and behold 2 weeks later my phone rang. Her...From 2 weeks later on our first date, it was "on"...Somehow we were supposed to run in to each other on this plane...

My friends seem to think that I was like her last stop and chance before she departed this world? I don't know about that either? Seems I cared and done everything I could to be there and do whatever but to no avail...She had to make a conscious effort to do something different as well. I was there for her in every way possible...Now after everything I've ever been through in life, this comes to me?

Well all, I've been wanting to stop in here, some days are better than others, some days I sit and mope around aimlessly...That has to stop, I do ask for midwayer help, and any other help as well...Its time to head back into the gym, quit smoking which I picked up again, and go forward I'm hoping. But somehow this is always playing in the background....

Much love!

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by MichelleP » Sat Mar 10, 2012 2:31 pm

Dave,

I was going through some personal stuff when this all happened so I am coming into this a bit late. I am sorry for your loss. It is unfortunate your fiance couldn't work through her demons but they were her demons, not yours. I am very confused by the report stating she was distraught over the breakup. That is conjecture and not valid science to be putting in a death report. In any event, it was likely added to only point out her state of mind, but is not the cause of death. It is important to stress here that you are not responsible for her death. You were also not responsible for her life either. And this is where the lines can get blurred. When we love someone we want to desperately make them better and whole. But as much as we can try and throw love their way they have to accept it and they have to find happiness from within and some just aren't capable. Your fiance likely was looking outside herself for peace and happiness. In the short term people and things can make us feel better but there will always be a point where we get disappointed for one reason or another. It was impossible for you to live up to her expectations. And it was impossible for you to live her life for her. You will likely miss her for the rest of your life but take some time to fully understand, you were not responsible for her death, you were not responsible for her life, and you were not responsible for saving her. You did what you could do to the best of your ability to show her that there was love open to her. She, due to her demons, was unable to see or accept that love. But the fact of the matter is you did all you can do. You truly were her opportunity to turn her thoughts away from saddness and negativity to love and hope but the fact that didn't happen isn't a failure on your part. You were brilliant in all you did for her. The rest was up to her and she couldn't cope. Not your fault. So take some time to let her go and let go of the fact that you didn't save her in her life or in her act of death because you couldn't do either. She had to save herself. Take care my friend. You did all you could do.

Love
Michelle

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by SWPA_Man » Sat Mar 10, 2012 9:21 pm

Heya Michelle, I just noticed ONE THING about myself if anything here. I'm caught in some sort of repetitive state where it seems I keep on like a broken darn record. Keep repeating the sam things over and over and over and over again just in different verbiage.

If I go back I just keep repeating myself in some twisted yet concentric circle. Self talk has been a biggie, I just have to break the norm here...Its getting nerve wracking.

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by MichelleP » Sun Mar 11, 2012 4:42 pm

When something traumatic happens in our life that we are struggling to come to terms with we can get caught playing the situation over and over again. You possibly have Post Traumatic Stress and may want to find a professional to talk to. Did I read you were part of a support group. If so keep going. But the point is there is something your brain is trying to work out that you just can't seem to resolve. So ask yourself what that is. Before you go to bed at night ask for guidance over your troubles about this. Ask for help releasing what is troubling you to your guides. Do this every night until something clicks. Our universe is designed to help guide us but we have to ask for the help. And sometimes our brains can get a bit muddled so just be persistant in your asking and the insights will come to you eventually to help you release and move on. You are a good person. You did all you can do. It is OK for you to let go of all this. I do hope you can get to the bottom of all this. I think if you can you may have a major life changing breakthrough. Either way, you deserve some peace. None of this was your fault. Take care.

Love
Michelle

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Re: 11:11 and the suicide of my fiance...Answers?

Post by jack6251 » Sun Mar 11, 2012 10:25 pm

Hi there, :hithere

I just want to add something that sometimes seems like a cliche, but, time is a means to providing an amazing coping mechanism. On top of any help you're giving yourself to cope with things right now, in time, over many many years, things will reduce in strength for you upon recall of these things and the emotions won't resonate the same way upon memories coming forward.

I can't guarantee it, I would love to say I could, but from my own experiences in life with the sort of emotions that felt as though they could cause earthquakes and destroy planets back in the day, for me now things are quieter within myself when I remember things, and this has come around I feel, due doing whatever I needed to do within each moment of pain, but allowing time between where I was, and where I am now and trusting things would begin to pull right when in the pain of things. Each moment of pain has to be allowed its moment in order to begin to learn how to nullify the strength of the feelings I've found, little by little the volume is turned down.

I hope and pray that your time will be short and upon recall of all these things, they come without the strength to cause long term damage to you and that you can find peace with these things!

Michelle says some great things about responsibilty too! Wise words there.

All the very best!

Jack :loves :)

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