I am new here and need HELP!!!

avery123 · Post by **avery123** » Fri Jan 22, 2010 9:04 pm

i have seen 11:11 over the years, but just here and there. Recently, over the past 4 months I am seeing it all the time. Ironically, I am going through a very rough marriage with a husband that is mentally abusive. Ironically, about 4 months ago, I was reunited with the person I lost my virginity to 25 years ago. We have become super close and we feel we love each other. We feel like we never parted. It is all so strange.

My question or concern is that I see the 11:11 mainly when he calls or while i am on the phone with him or when i sent an email or an email from him.

Is this a warning or an encouragement. I have asked my husband for a divorce (it's not the first time) and he told me that I would never leave him.

Help

Post by **Geoff** » Sat Jan 23, 2010 12:04 am

Dear friend,

Welcome. I am sorry to hear that you are in an abusive relationship. Many here will sympathize from personal experience.

The issue of the prompts needs to be carefully considered. The angels are not allowed to make our decisions for us. They cannot tell you to leave someone, nor marry another. But they are very supportive of any changes that we think about that will improve our lives, as also caring about any dangers.

So what does that mean here? I see it meaning they support you starting a new life, without specifically endorsing the new relationship, because that is something you must resolve. That does not mean they are against or for this person, but see you have to change where you are. You simply cannot grow into who you should be, within an abusive relationship.

Another issue I picked up here. You should not be "asking" your husband for a divorce. You need to tell him you are leaving, and the choice he has is to contest the divorce or accept it. It seems the abuse you have suffered are making you unnecessarily subservient here. A final note. I would try to take time out, and not rush into a new relationship. But even with time out, you also need to realise you will have wounds that will take years to heal.

love,
Geoff.

Post by **sammy** » Sat Jan 23, 2010 3:22 am

{{{{{{{{{{{Avery}}}}}}}}}}}

ONLY YOU can make this choice. I think you know what you need to do.

That said, Geoff is SO right in that if you choose to leave, you need to take time to regain YOU...and your mental strength.

Sending you love, strength and hugs!

LOVE!!!!
Sammy

Manifestations · Post by **Manifestations** » Sat Jan 23, 2010 5:49 pm

Oh Avery!
I am so very sorry that you are going through that. I know that your experience is yours and yours alone but I can relate. I was in an abusive relationship both physical and mental with a boyfriend. mmmm was he really a 'friend'? He would hit me and the mental was the worst. I am bipolar and need to take several medications and he would tell me I was crazy and say 'take a pill, take a pill".

But, he would then run me a bubble bath and serve me wine and shrimp cocktail. After leaving and then going back, several times I realized that I did it because I thought that I didn't deserve to be loved. I did finally end it and walk away.

So, be strong and know that my thoughts are with you and that I do understand. May you find the strength and courage to walk away.

Twinstars · Post by **Twinstars** » Sat Jan 23, 2010 9:57 pm

Avery, I too am so sorry to know you are going through so much. You as well Manifestations, noone should have to endure any of that ever. Speaking from the experience of someone I recently councelled, Cover your bases first! If you do not trust the outcome of Telling your spouse you are leaving, then trust your inner voice, make a Plan A first. Do Not allow yourself to become a statistic...CYA! There are Women's help groups Everywhere.

love,
john

Post by **Geoff** » Sun Jan 24, 2010 1:08 am

Twinstars wrote:Speaking from the experience of someone I recently councelled, Cover your bases first! If you do not trust the outcome of Telling your spouse you are leaving, then trust your inner voice, make a Plan A first. Do Not allow yourself to become a statistic...

Wow, I did not think of that, but you are so right. You don't of course have to tell your spouse anything, you can just leave, and do the telling remotely. There is nothing in the law that I know of that says you have to tell them face to face, nor without others present. But I am not familiar with the details of dissolutions in the USA. Most parts of the world your entitlement is not affected by walking out. Used to be that way, but most advanced countries now have a no blame approach.

love,
Geoff.

lilly · Post by **lilly** » Sun Jan 24, 2010 1:34 am

Hi Avery
First of all, Welcome!! I hope things turn out for the best for you. Geoff and John have given you some very good, sound advice. Starting a new relationshp before processing the baggage of the last can be a dreadful mistake to make. You are vulnerable....so take care. The headiness of a new romance can blind one to the pitfalls.
Love lilly xoxoxox

Princess Wanaga · Post by **Princess Wanaga** » Sun Jan 24, 2010 3:50 am

Hi Avery,

You have received great advice from some of my favorite people on this site. My advice is... be safe! I don't want to put the "poo" on your found happiness - but you need time to find yourself again. Only then will you be able to know what you really want for your future. I don't know the full relm of the abuse - you know what he is capable of. Jealously can be very dangerous...please listen to the others...make a plan and get support. The grass may be greener on the other side...but wouldn't you love to walk through the park barefoot?

Be safe!

brianm · Post by **brianm** » Sun Jan 24, 2010 5:16 am

I also agree with John and George

Depending on how out of control your Husband is, your plan "A" might best be a phone call from one of the many Women's shelters available to you. it would certainly be the safest!
Best of luck to you.

Post by **Sandy** » Mon Jan 25, 2010 11:21 am

Hello and welcome to the message board, Avery.

Your situation is a rather difficult one...one I too have, unfortunately, had some experience with...yet, I hesitate to say much... as Manifestations said, no two people are the same so no two relationships can be either. You know the people in your life drama... I do not... so my advice would come from my own personal experience which may not be helpful to you.
Yet I want very badly for you to find love, peace and happiness.
You are not alone or without celestial friends, supporting and caring for you as you walk your own journey of life. Ask for God's wisdom to guide you. We are here for you too if you need us. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing?

I pray for your safety, peace and happiness tonight. Remember, you deserve to be loved...
{{{HUGS}}}}
Sandy

luvinlife · Post by **luvinlife** » Mon Jan 25, 2010 3:18 pm

Great advice from everyone here. When I made the decision to leave my ex-husband, I made a plan. I "lined up my ducks". I hadn't worked in ten years in order to raise my children. First, I had to make sure that I could financially support myself and my family. It took two years to line up my ducks, but I have absolutely no regrets. God is good, and when we listen to him through his "messengers", we make the best decision for everyone. Good luck, and I'm praying for you.

Love, Clare

avery123 · Post by **avery123** » Mon Jan 25, 2010 6:18 pm

Thank you ALL so much for your words of wisdom either from past experiences or for helping to heal others. I have taken with great respect the general consensus that I need to find "me" again.

It was only Friday that I posted my message. The weekend brought some very mysterious things and I wonder if that is what my prompts were about. Also, I must add that when I was walking to my car Friday after work. It was still light out. Right before I got to my car, one light in the garage came on and it was right above my car. Ok, I freaked out a little bit. I thought, what is really going on here, "God, please tell me".

I received a call Friday night from my new interest and he was in a hotel (mind you we live 800 miles apart) and said he was in a bad place and he left his wife and family and told me that I needed to make a decision. He became quite obsessive. He was crying and saying he just needed to know if he and I were going to be together. As I have told him in the past, I am not even out of my current situation and that was just not possible to answer. Saturday came and my cell phone dinged with message after message and voice mail after voice mail that he needed an answer from me. He could leave his family if he knew he had me. WHOA....and WOW. First, I made it very clear that the decisions I was and was going to make were never based on him and that should go both ways.

Long story short, I came into work this morning with many messages on my phone that "I" have ripped his heart out. Wow, people, all I can say is I have created a mess that I don't need to be in considering my current situation.

I am hurting today for him and all around me. What have I done. Why has this happened. I am firmly believing that my prompts were to more of a warning because. They were so strong last week and then the light thing. I don't know. I know one thing, I am ending it with the new interest, I am going to get my current situation resolved and I need to find God. I haven't been to church in years, but I need some guideness and solitude and faith.

Post by **Geoff** » Mon Jan 25, 2010 8:54 pm

Dear avery123,

True love is not controlling.

Try to go to a quiet place, be it a church, or a place in the wilds, or so, where you are safe, and can get in tune again. Just spend some time in silence, and you will find some peace.

love,
Geoff.

avery123 · Post by **avery123** » Mon Jan 25, 2010 9:07 pm

Thank you Geoff. I am going to take that advice. This website has been a god sent to me.

Post by **sammy** » Tue Jan 26, 2010 2:30 am

Hi Avery,

I won't get into all the details, but you need to "give it to God". I have been married for over 20 years now. Somewhere early in our marriage my husband started treating me pretty mean. He would crush my heart and spirit with his words...and I NEVER got an apology. LONG story short, having 2 kids I was afraid to leave. But I put a plan in place, that if need be I could leave with the kids... so that I could start not putting up with his c r a p . The first step was to "give it to God" . He/she wants the best for all of us. Give it to him and STOP worrying about it, and STOP tolerating it!...KNOW that God will give you the courage to do whatever it is you need to do.''

In my case my husband now treats me like a queen (most of the time), and when he slips there is a quick, heart felt apology. If he doesn't recognize it on his own, I quickly point it out. My husband has many wonderful traits, and we all have flaws, but this is a flaw that I will NOT put up with ever again!

Whether you stay or go, you do NOT deserve that kind of treatment. As Dr. Phil says..."you teach people how to treat you". The longer you put up with it the harder it is to break the pattern.

All that said, if there is physical abuse GET OUT!

And the last thing you need now is a clingy man.

LOVE!!!!
Sammy

avery123 · Post by **avery123** » Tue Jan 26, 2010 3:16 pm

Sammy - thank you for your post. I need to find some solace somewhere and I keep mentioning God to myself. I have lost so much of myself and I know I am depressed right now and that is just not me. I have always found spunk and I seemed to have lost my motivation and ambition and courage. I look at my 16 month old daughter and know I need to find myself for me AND her. My husband has never been physically abusive, but the mental anguish over the years seems just as bad. I believe he is trying, but for how long? My heart is so messed up right now as is my mind. I am going to get help. Not marriage counseling right now, but individual counseling. I need to reach deep in and know why I have allowed this. I am a good person, I really beleive that. Again, I haven't made the best choices in life, but it is time to start learning and enjoy my time on this earth.

The other man, well, as I said, I ended it, and the weak part of me wants to know if he is doing ok, but my strong part says let it be. He is very insecure, clingy person and well, as you said, I don't need that now or ever. I just want to be happy and enjoy life. All this baggage is a pain in the rear and I need guidance to move in one direction or the other.

Thanks again for your posts. They really do help me.

Love, Avery

luvinlife · Post by **luvinlife** » Tue Jan 26, 2010 4:27 pm

Avery, you will know in your heart what is best for you and your children. Also, mental/emotional abuse is very damaging even though it's not "physical". Meditation is very good for making decisions. I'm praying for you and your family.

Love, Clare

avery123 · Post by **avery123** » Tue Jan 26, 2010 6:09 pm

Thank you Clare. I appreciate your support.

luvinlife · Post by **luvinlife** » Wed Jan 27, 2010 3:24 pm

Avery, please keep us posted as to how you're doing. This is a great place for love and support.

Love, Clare

Post by **sammy** » Thu Jan 28, 2010 1:32 am

Avery, whatever you choose to do, MAKE SURE you do not tolerated mental abuse (or any other form) toward your daughter. Not only will it obviously scar her, but it will drag you deeper into self loathing.

I KNOW it's scary, but you HAVE to start putting a stop to it.

LOVE!!!!
Sammy

jemcdlv · Post by **jemcdlv** » Sat Feb 20, 2010 4:38 am

Hi Avery! I was in an extremely abusive relationship for about four years. I tried everything I could but he saw things in his sick way no matter what. I finally decided to look inside myself (God is in every one of us) and knew I had to do what felt right TO ME. You won't be any good to anyone else until you are good and true to yourself. Do what you feel is right in your heart, your "gut" instinct. I had to literally pack my car and flee Vegas when I was very sick with my MS symptoms in the middle of July (I can't tolerate heat), but I made the trip, best road trip I ever had. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I've never regretted it. My husband continued to decline and eventually committed suicide. He had held a gun to me before, and I knew he would have killed me too if I had stayed. If you are on this site, you are obviously a special person, and you'll know what to do if you just go to a quiet place, ask for help from God, and then look deep inside yourself. Take care of YOU, do what's best for YOU, and everything will fall into place. I never regretted my decision, and I don't feel guilty for my husband's suicide. One of us had to be the strong one, and he was just a good person with a lost soul.

LolaandLight · Post by **LolaandLight** » Thu Feb 25, 2010 3:54 pm

I am just getting to this thread. I wanted to touch on your original question, because I think that needs to be addressed and remembered for the future. I only recently noticed this in my own life. If I get a prompt that is also accompanied with anxious feelings, it has turned out to mean that I am contemplating doing something that is not in my best interest. I will give you an example. I have been unemployed for quite some time. Unemployment is about to run out. So, I am willing to take any job, any job. I interviewed for a job and, while I knew it would not a good environment for me, I was willing to take it if offered. Afterwards, I kept feeling anxious, really anxious. When I stopped and examined it, I could hear "them" shouting at me "That JOB is no good". I got goosebumps. So, I said out loud "okay, you guys can stop, I hear you. That job is no good for me." The anxious feelings went away. So, while they can't make decisions for you, they will let you know when the direction it appears you may be headed in will be bad for you in the long run. Pay attention to these. Also, they like it when you interact with them. So, acknowledge them.

If you see a prompt that repeats every time you are about to enter into a situation, and that prompt is accompanied by feelings that are disturbing, as opposed to joyful, then know they are telling you to go in another direction.

Talk to your angels about you husband. Ask them to direct you and protect you. Ask them to speak to your husband. I have been in a similar situation for years. It has gotten better. But, only when I realized that my husband is not considered an enemy to them. He is also one of God's much loved children. However, when a child's interest, another person that is to carry on in this world and needs all the self confidence they can muster to do well and do good out in the world, is put in jeopardy, it is time to move on to put her in a safe place.

As for this other guy, anytime a man thinks that you are an answer to his life problems, then he is about to become one of your life's problems. I know you are concerned that he may contact your husband. Ask the angels for protection regarding this. Ask them to tie his hands and see him bundled up unable to move towards you. One more thing, another man is never the answer to the problems you are having with your current one. God is the answer to all. God and how he will assist you in moving forward to improve your own life.

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