About not give advice unless asked

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555
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About not give advice unless asked

Post by 555 »

I confess that I have trouble with this principle taught in the Urantia Book repeatedly.
I feel inducted by my desire to help others to give advice, sometimes when I am not too, just out of willing to help.
There was one time that a person didn't receive well, making a good point that when people share a problem, sometimes is not because they want an advice, but just an ear to hear them. I acknowledge this.
But what about when the person you see is going to catastrophic way, sometimes because you had the same experience, and this person is very much loved by you and you don't want to see him or her hurt by taking a bad decision and you offer an advice even if you were not asked for it.
Besides, when I see the example of Jesus, I see Jesus interfering and confronting people in need of advice. I see this in the case of that man that was publicly chasting his wife, the two prostitutes that Jesus took to be counseled, the Samaritan woman and several others.
But I can hide from the fact that is a very clear principle in the book of Urantia and one that is ordained to the Son of God that serve as observers in the Constellations and in Salvington not given advice unless asked.
So, I don't see a solution for my perplexities about that.
In fact, most of the times I forget this advice and there I am giving unsolicited pieces of advice and I don't feel bad about until when I remember the Urantia Principle.
Any thoughts everyone (I am asking, you can freely give, LOL.)
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by Amigoo »

when I see the example of Jesus, I see Jesus interfering and confronting people in need of advice
Having studied the Urantia Book for decades, Jesus' example is my preferred guidance :!:

While we cannot know (as Jesus) how to decide about that we might perceive as
"interference", our inner guidance, circumspect reasoning, and gentle confrontation
can support our "daring to serve". If rebuffed, we simply apologize and wait for other
opportunities to serve that person. :finger:

Our mandate from above seems to be: "dare to serve" if in doubt ...
since this is good training for the Paradise journey. ;)

Rod :)
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by happyrain »

hi jose
it may just be in your nature to give and you can't expect everyone to receive in kind, one day it may hit them down the road and the energy you imparted that day still meant something. it's best not to take things so personal but this is easier said than done, especially when you love that someone. i think that's what makes you a wonderful person. the fact that it is hard for you to wrap your mind around and want to talk about it... i think it's hard for many of us to understand and some people are bound to make the same mistakes you once made because they want to experience first hand. thank you for sharing here... i agree with rod, dare to serve. brilliant amigoo!

i have read too, that sometimes lending an ear IS service. there are wise men who are familiar with someones plight but choose not to interfere. instead they make themselves available to those who are ready while remaining humble and respectful to all. lending an ear now may also mean this person come to you more often... any case i figure you should do as your heart tells you. you will know when to speak and when to listen and even things don't play out the way you thought they would, it's okay. do you know what your name means? :hithere

kind regards
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by 555 »

Dear Happyrain,

Thanks for giving your input. It was very meaningful.
According to my research my name means May the Lord add or Increase.
Again, thanks
;)
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by aidebynature »

555 wrote: Wed Apr 04, 2018 12:25 am I confess that I have trouble with this principle taught in the Urantia Book repeatedly.
I feel inducted by my desire to help others to give advice, sometimes when I am not too, just out of willing to help.
There was one time that a person didn't receive well, making a good point that when people share a problem, sometimes is not because they want an advice, but just an ear to hear them. I acknowledge this.
But what about when the person you see is going to catastrophic way, sometimes because you had the same experience, and this person is very much loved by you and you don't want to see him or her hurt by taking a bad decision and you offer an advice even if you were not asked for it.
Besides, when I see the example of Jesus, I see Jesus interfering and confronting people in need of advice. I see this in the case of that man that was publicly chasting his wife, the two prostitutes that Jesus took to be counseled, the Samaritan woman and several others.
But I can hide from the fact that is a very clear principle in the book of Urantia and one that is ordained to the Son of God that serve as observers in the Constellations and in Salvington not given advice unless asked.
So, I don't see a solution for my perplexities about that.
In fact, most of the times I forget this advice and there I am giving unsolicited pieces of advice and I don't feel bad about until when I remember the Urantia Principle.
Any thoughts everyone (I am asking, you can freely give, LOL.)

I loved seeing your post here, I recognized you from youtube! I was looking at your vids by chance yesterday! :)
Sometimes the danger of giving an advice is the effect of the person doing the opposite, or not being mature enough to listen. ( which is fine ) :mrgreen:
We are all in need of managing to find our own solution.

However, I think that to show kindness and to listen calmly without talking or focusing on giving advices while they talk can create fantastic results. It helps you learn as well and understand the emotions and needs of others ( even if the needs are to go their own way, not yours) :sunflower:

PS; I'm the same. I spring up to help. To feel needed is the best feeling. ( have you tried to be a blind mans aid? )
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by Seeker13 »

Dear Jose,
Wow! This thread has brought to mind so many conversations for me. The problem with giving advice is you never know if the person it's given to is in the frame of mind of receiving it. No matter what we see is going on with their lives, or believe we have a solution for them, depending on their frame of mind it could blow up in our face. Sometimes when we feel we're simply being helpful, it seems to the receiver as condescension, or maybe we believe that person isn't capable of making the 'right 'decision for themselves. After listening, I try to remember to ask, "What do you need from me?" Even if I've gotten a message for that person from spirit(after learning the hard way!), I tell them I have the message and leave it up to them if and when they're ready to hear it.

Kim
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by RunningScroll »

Dear Jose (I think)

I think it is about reading subtle cues and hints that the person is receptive and ready to receive your help. There might be a few conditions for this, for instance they are feeling safe, and ready to have a discussion.

Advice and chatting are different things. If it is a free flowing discussion, then anything appropriate goes. If it is a direct, personal lecture, for their own edification, then that is not chatting, that's helping.

I have a good friend, who has the habit of giving lengthy treatises on fringe topics that the person may not be anywhere near receptive too. It usually pushes them away, and he is perceived as kooky.

Kind regards,
Dylan
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by 555 »

Hello friends,
Thank you for giving your insight for this matter.
I think all of them are in fact very helpful to me since I am giving advice, even when NOT ASKED.
However, I feel that I do that against this principle that I see on Urantia Book very clear: NEVER GIVE ADVICE, UNLESS ASKED. That is my problem. Sometimes, I even ask the person: Would you like I give you a piece of advice on this matter? And, sure most will say yes, some because really are interested others just to be polite. BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT I WAS NOT ASKED! So, I know I am not doing like would be the best, and perhaps, I think, that has to do with the efficacy of the advice. And to be sincere even my motivation is sincerely trying to help, I am not sure if my giving advice is not to make me feel better with the fact that I think that that person is in need of some help and I don't feel right if I don't give. It may be, after all, more about me than about the people I give advice. I am currently trying to improve my Self-Control, and perhaps this is another item that I have to add to the list: NOT GIVEN ADVICE UNLESS ASKED.
Thank you, all. continue giving your inputs, I really appreciate.
Yes, Jose.
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by Seeker13 »

Dear Jose,
It sounds like your deep self reflection has given you all the answers you need...maybe that is a lesson for all of us.

Hope you're having a wonderful day!
Kim
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by 555 »

Thanks Kim; I certainly hope so.
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by RunningScroll »

Dear Jose

Even if you don't have an opportunity to give 'words of Truth', you always have the opportunity to give loving heart energy. And this will always be of some assistance.

If it is pure enough, like Jesus, then it will resonate new places within them. Love always aids.

Take care,
Dylan
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by Welles »

I think we should always act as we feel at the moment... sometimes to our regret... sometimes to our joy. It may be that we feel a cry for help that is still below the subconscious threshold of the person in need. Responding to that need will most likely create initial resistance and a degree of discomfort. However I've often embraced initially unwanted advice in time and see that same response in others.

Another strategy that I find most effective is this. When I'm in the presence of a person in need that I can recognize because of similar personal experience I simply focus on being present in the heart. That allows them to draw the energy from my field that they need. Using that strategy rather than reacting to the emotional component of the need works. In part that is because 'our answer' won't be 'their answer' but the spirit is the same.

Does that make sense?

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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by happyrain »

Hi Welles,
Being present is the best gift we can give. So yes! It makes sense! We don’t possibly know all the answers and there is such a thing as overcomlicating- expecting and the like... just breath and remember that where we are is just right and there’s a gift for us and those around us right in that moment...

Or maybe I’m over reaching ... ?
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by 555 »

Giving advice not asked for may be an ill-help because interferes with the source of bonafide experience in life: decisions. But if asked, it is incorporated. Besides, you always can make a question with an unassuming smile.
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by RunningScroll »

I agree Jose. Again, does it come out in conversation? or is it starkly a lecture without their permission?
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by Sandy »

More people then ever before are making connections with their TA and inner guidance. And because of this, coincidences which of course are no coincidences occur as people are brought together for a divine purpose. As we are connected to our inner guidance and God given wisdom... we go with the flow and allow Spirit to speak through us. All that this requires is a heartfelt inner plea or prayer to be of service and a set intention for the wisdom of the ages to use us to bring about good will and service to the Divine. TAs speak to each other and They are able to give permission in these cases.
“We measure and evaluate your Spiritual Progress on the Wall of Eternity." – Guardian of Destiny, Alverana.
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by RunningScroll »

What do people think about the difference between having a pre-planned answer or sermon for an individual, and opening the gates of the spirit-heart and allowing something original and natural in design to emerge?
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by Welles »

RunningScroll wrote: Tue Apr 17, 2018 9:04 am What do people think about the difference between having a pre-planned answer or sermon for an individual, and opening the gates of the spirit-heart and allowing something original and natural in design to emerge?

:cheers: Yes!
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by happyrain »

I think, while what you’re describing is certainly a reality-
Those same energies can be bestowed to the one carefully orchestrating his or her words, channeling the same spirit you refer to from free flow. Most artistic individuals admire the free form but enter it with little judgement knowing full well they’re simply reaching and expressing from that special source. It isn’t always the “prettiest” thing. Whether taking the time to connect with someone or being in the moment the Divine Will finds a way, a receptive heart hears what it needs to and most can discern a truer emotion.
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by RunningScroll »

The author of the Wingmakers materials has a whole paper titled 'The Art of the Genuine'. This is worthy of consideration: what is genuineness, and where does it come from? This paper seems to suggest it filters down from having an open and centred heart. Divine Love expresses itself as valuable heart virtues, which the author James suggest are: appreciation, compassion, forgiveness, humility, understanding and valor. When instigated these govern the roots of our behaviour. Thus energy and action.
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by 555 »

Hello, in fact it doesn't matter if the unsolicited advice came in the conversation or not,. What matters is: it was not asked for. I think that if you really want to give advice you should at least ask permission for. But even that may prompt a non- genuine permission , but one just out of politeness. Every normal human being has an adjuster within that counsels at any time. Our advice cant supersed the afjuster's ministry within. However, advice is counsel for a specific situation, well different from to share Jesus' Gospel.
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by RunningScroll »

All I meant was that if it feels right to reveal truth in a conversation, then why not?
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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by Geoff »

RunningScroll wrote: Thu Apr 19, 2018 10:06 am All I meant was that if it feels right to reveal truth in a conversation, then why not?
Actually thats dubious too. I have the gift of insight. What that means is often when people say - share - problems they have in their lives I know what the real reason is. And we got told off this year. It is actually an error to offer that advice, even when you know the person needs that advice, but when they have not asked.

Its a very tough lesson. Actually I had to get a lecture on the nature of this subject from a bunch of ladies because when guys talk they expect you to offer insight if you have any. Women don't. If they have grief in their lives they expect you to just agree they have grief. They don't - often - actually want to get rid of that grief. In that sense they like their life the way it is. Yeah its a victim mentality, but its their mentality and its still wrong to correct it without being asked to do so.

I had a case in point this week. A dear friend wrote a long letter bemoaning the challenges she had been through the last several weeks. Well I was actually present those weeks. And I saw what was going on. But although she has made a lot of progress, she is challenged by not having the control and "respect" (yeah read a bit more in-charge here and thus "respect" because what she says goes) that she had in her very successful commercial life, now that she is retired and in a more supportive role to her husband who is now in the drivers seat only because he is now the "authority" being a medium. I understand the root cause there - which is deeper than that description of the situation. And its a great pity she is unfamiliar with Buddhism. LOL. She also outlined her plans to avoid this in the future, none of which address the root cause here. But I stayed silent. Its a big change for me, as I spent my commercial life giving advice to people. Whether they liked it or not, because I was paid to diagnose problems and come up with solutions.

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Re: About not give advice unless asked

Post by RunningScroll »

Hi Geoff

I guess you could be right in a lot of situations. Do you remember the scene with Jesus, and 'The Boy Who Was Afraid' in the UB? Jesus saw the boys need, and while Jesus' initial tack did not work, he tried another one, which received an enthusiastic response from the boy. Jesus essentially asked the boy, if He could offer him help, but first he had asked some assistance of the boy, in travelling the area, so there was a mutual exchange. If a person is yelling out for help, but is not explicitly asking, can it do any harm, to ask if you can assist them, assuming you know what you are doing, and can?

It is interesting, how not getting an immediate result, through persisting a great result emerged. I find in myself, sometimes I give up too easy. ie. situation A arose, so I'll just give up and move on. Half the time, I do make the assumption, that I don't really know what the person needs, unlike Jesus. The best I can do then, is offer a smile, and say something friendly. I guess, sometimes our heart tells us what a person is needing, and sometimes it's all energetic.

In the case, that assistance is sincerely and clearly rejected, then yes you have no right to persist.

My two cents,
Dylan
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The Gift of Presence and the Perils of Advice — by Parker J. Palmer

Post by Welles »

Here’s the deal. The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed — to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is. When we make that kind of deep bow to the soul of a suffering person, our respect reinforces the soul’s healing resources, the only resources that can help the sufferer make it through.

Aye, there’s the rub. Many of us “helper” types are as much or more concerned with being seen as good helpers as we are with serving the soul-deep needs of the person who needs help. Witnessing and companioning take time and patience, which we often lack — especially when we’re in the presence of suffering so painful we can barely stand to be there, as if we were in danger of catching a contagious disease. We want to apply our “fix,” then cut and run, figuring we’ve done the best we can to “save” the other person.
That quote is the conclusion. However there are illuminating stories to illustrate the arrival at that conclusion and Parker Palmer is always worth reading!

The Gift of Presence and the Perils of Advice — by Parker J. Palmer

http://www.dailygood.org/story/2152/the ... -j-palmer/

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