My Stepfather passed away last week

[inlikeflint]

It happened while I was driving the truck and my mom had to take care of things until I got back... I received lots of prompts (Naturally...) I'm still receiving them. 11:11's 12:12's 4444's...

I'm still healing I suppose.

I can't really think of anything I want to write about... Just wanted to post.

Derek

[inlikeflint]

One of my truck loads to Florida was to Walmart and they rejected 250lbs of potatoes that were damaged by the loader (more likely it was the unloader)... My boss told me to get rid of them/trash them and get to Miami to pick up the load of flowers that was waiting on me.... So, I drove for a couple hours before I pulled into a truck stop where I thought I might be able to get rid of them. No sooner than I pulled in, a homeless man on bicycle rode by. I unloaded the five cases into shady area in the truck stop parking lot when the homeless guy came up hit me up for money... He ended up with 250lbs (5 huge cases) of potatoes & I gave him $10.00 (because he was really wanting something to drink.) I suppose he would be able to get a bottle of something to knock down some of those potatoes.

(I read the Prometheus message about giving a few minutes ago... It's something I already knew.)

I suppose if the guy was clever, he could make a trash can still and make his own vodka... I thought about this days later someplace else in the world. I didn't really think about how the potatoes were to be given to and the cash was because the guy wouldn't shut up about needing something to eat (When he had 250lbs of potatoes right in front of him.) I was going to give him $5.00 then I decided to give him $10.00 instead. I knew it was for alcohol, but I didn't mind.

He had enough potatoes to feed himself and some friends for the next couple of months... He could plant some, trade some, eat some, and still use every one of the potatoes if he is greedy.

I didn't ask him to do anything, I didn't need anything from him... He just happened to be in the right place at the right time/Or I happened to be at the right place at the right time. He told me that the potatoes would not go to waste, and for some reason, I believed him.


I just thought I would share this.
D.

[Sandy]

Dear Derek,
It came as a shock to me to read that your stepfather has passed so I can only imagine what you must have experienced. I am so sorry. How is your mom getting along? I cannot imagine loosing a spouse... well, any family member.... as I have been unusually fortunate and haven't experienced loss in this way very often... Had he been ill? I'll keep you and your mom in my prayers... if there is anything I can do from way over here just let me know, okay?... sending love to all of you.

And bless you for helping that homeless man. I hope he makes the very best use of all those potatoes. You did a very good thing and it seems "the stage" was set for what ever reason for this man to receive some surprising help and good fortune. I hope he can turn his life around. Did you learn his name by any chance?

I'm glad you stopped in as I have been wondering how you were doing.
love,
Sandy

[inlikeflint]

My mom was with my Stepdad when he passed and it was a traumatic experience for my mom.
I didn't find out until later in the evening while I was driving.
He was cremated before I got back.
He was in bad health and we sort of watched him slow down in two years time.
He had lots of stints and a pace maker and a lot of close calls.
He was a pretty good person, and he is missed already.

I don't remember the homeless man's name. I can remember what he looks like and that he was riding a bike with a basket on the handlebars that was packed full of the stuff he finds. He lives somewhere in South Bay, Florida. His path in life is a difficult one I suspect. However, my life doesn't seem that much different from his other than he doesn't have bills to pay and luxuries like a shower and toilet are something he doesn't have.

My mom won't receive my stepdad's pension, so I am going to have to be the guy who makes up the difference where Social Security doesn't. My art place is empty while I drive a truck so, I'm going to try and break my lease and keep driving. I have no idea how much I'm going to have to come up with month to keep the house and mom afloat. All of my ideas are not going to go anywhere now. I am stuck where i don't want to be. There is a second mortgage that I did not know about on the house... Things are not great... I would be happy for just ok at this point. My problems are material and I don't seem to have a lot of options available to me to make something happen right now. I would tell myself that things will work out,but I have been telling myself this for the past ten years and materialistically, I am worse off now than I was ten years go.

I have had almost a week and a half off of driving a truck and have been procrastinating going back or answering my phone. I'm too old now to go back into the army or join the French Foreign Legion. I don't exactly have a social life. (That costs time and money ...) and I haven't created anything in the past few years except for a building and some art shows, so I'm out of the art loop. (I have zero $upport.) So, now I'm a full time truck driver.



Sorry. I'm ranting.
Peace & Love
Derek

[Sandy]

Oh NO!!!!! You rant away dear Flint. I was shocked to hear of your Stepdad's demise and now to learn your mom and you too have all these additional worries. It doesn't seem right! ... Just like that, your mom and your life and plans too are turned upside down. Is it possible to consider your mom moving in with you or visa versa for awhile to pool expenses? I know that isn't what most young men wish..to live with their parents, but in these harsh economic times I suspect there is much of this occurring all over the world. I know you are very disappointed and greatly saddened by your stepdad's passing and the severe changes the seemingly curtailing of long cherished dreams. You have every right to these feelings. So let them all out and I won't try to sugar coat any messages of hope for you... but I have a strong feeling you will get through this if anybody can... I have seen such a strength of character in you, a steely determination over and over again when what you hoped for didn't come through. Somehow some way you will see to it that your Mom is going to be okay and somehow your art will be still there for you, inside with a million ideas waiting for the opportunity to come to fruition...absorb what you see what you feel as you travel the roads and file it with the artist within to share it with others when the time is right... Please don't see this as a happy everything is going to be okay post ... I just want you to know you have my undying support no matter what you face and the future brings... not that that will ease your burdens. I do wish with all my heart that I could make things better for you and your mom.
With Love,
Sandy

[inlikeflint]

Thank you Sandy.

I always seem to receive uphill battles.

peace & Love
Derek

[Sandy]

I know.... I'm so sorry. I guess I shouldn't be, but I'm just a tad upset with the "Big Guy" right now on your behalf just as I was many years ago when I first found out that my dear friend, Wingzie, (Carol) was diagnosed with ALS. She is on my mind today as this morning I got a notification from American greetings that her birthday was coming up in two weeks. I haven't had the heart to take it off even though she passed some years ago. So I've been thinking of her and missing her this morning. But I also keep hearing in my head the repeated words to a poem that I've read so many times when I have been "needy" that I can recite it by heart...

This Peace He Gives

I know not why my pathway leads
Through valleys rough and steep,
But this I know, while walking there
I've found communion sweet
With those I love, and best of all,
With Him who climbed for me,
Beneath a heavy cross, the hill
That led to Calvary

I know not why so many props
Have gently been removed,
But I do know through every loss
His arms unfailing proved.
I have no reason, none at all,
To doubt His precious word;
Though all I love be swept away,
His voice would still be heard
Above the storm, and as I lift
My tear filled eyes to Him,
The great Creator, Lord of all,
He whispers, "Peace," within.

So as I look beyond today,
I pray that I may share
This peace he gives with those who have a greater cross to bear.
I know not now how long twill be
Before He calls me home,
But this I know-beneath His wings
I'll never be alone!

Alice Hansche Mortenson

I always loved it and in the repetition it calms me as I at least try to claim some measure of peace in the given situation so I am not surprised it comes to me today.

Hang in there a little longer (long as it takes to weld this peace and fulfil your own unique destiny...) and lean on us and of course those much stronger when it all gets to be a little too much.
Love,
Sandy

[inlikeflint]

Thank you Sandy.
that was a real nice read, and it does have a nice rhythm to it.

it made me feel better anyway.

Peace & Love
Derek

[Sandy]

((((((((Derek))))))))
It is one of my favourites of about twenty in this tiny little paper back book my mom gave to me on a whim just before I came here nine years ago. Every day I close my eyes, flip through the pages and where I stop is the poem that I read. Strangely, it has helped me as much as any object since I have been here... and that includes my beloved Urantia Book too. It is simple like me and something about the illustrations takes me right back to my childhood of the sixties...I guess I am still that little girl in an "oldish" adult body.
Love to you and your mom,
Sandy

[vivrider]

Hi Derek,

I'm sorry to hear the difficulties you and your mother are going through. I hope things start to turn around for you soon. I enjoyed the potato story. What kind of art do you create? I'm an artist too. I've been through some difficult times as a single mother of four and having some kind of project going kept me sane, even if it was difficult to find the time for it. Of course, I wasn't driving a truck! I was just thinking that maybe if you have something you're working on, even if it's just in your head while you're driving, that might lift your spirits somewhat. I'll be praying for better times ahead for you and your mom.

Love, Vivian

[11light11]

Derek I'm so sorry to hear about your Stepfather and all that you and your mom are going through . . . I'm sending out lots of healing energies to the both of you and to all who love him.

Love, MIchele

[inlikeflint]

Thank You again Sandy.
You're Awesome.

Thank you Vivian.
I haven't done much art lately... When I do,I mostly draw and paint. It is a nice escape & I can focus on something or nothing while I create,which is nice.
thank you for for your prayers. they are greatly appreciated!


Thank You Michelle. It's always good to hear from you.
I am grateful and thankful for everything you do.


Peace & Love to everybody!
Derek

[11light11]

Drop me a line any time Derek, if you still have my address. I don't know your newer one. Thinking of you and your mom lots . . . and sending out healing. Really so sorry to hear about your stepdad. I know you had a nice relationship and understanding between each other. . . so sad.

A little art therapy can really help . . .love, Michele

[Krystalshard]

Hey Derek,

Just a note to add to the others, that I feel for your loss.
I'm not saying anything new when I say letting go of our loved ones takes time... and we struggle to hold on for fear we will forget, or be remiss if we don't. Thing is, we know they are on to the next step. We need not live in fear for them or for ourselves when it's our turn. Let your heart grieve, let your eyes leak. Give your angst to God, and breathe. I am sure your present circumstances will also progress as you lean into trusting your instincts and taking leaps of faith in daily life. You can do it.
Love to you and to your Mom,

Jean