About 3 months ago, I heard a very distinct voice while meditating. It was a man's voice, and it said, "An old problem still exists here." That's all. I wondered about it for a while, but didn't know what it might be talking about.
Since that time, a lot of changes have occurred in my life. I have been married for 2 years but my husband Mark lives in another state. Initially he planned to move here, because I have children from a previous marriage and their dad is here, but he has not been able to find a job here. I finally decided to try to move the family to where he is. But we all went for a visit last month, and I realized that Mark will be unable to take the stress of having a houseful move in with him. We had a fight over a very minor thing that my son did. I don't want to bore you with too many details, but I decided that I could not make the move, and now we are planning to get a divorce.
Although I have been kind of in a state of shock, and sad, I have also felt freed in a way. I'm a pediatrician, but I also write children's books, and that is what I really love to do. Mark did not understand this passion in the least. I published a book five years ago. I illustrated it with quilts, and I felt that every quilt was sent to me from a higher source. I would think, "OK, now I need a quilt for "Thank You for the moon and stars." And an image would appear in my mind, and I would make the quilt effortlessly. The book was not a success financially, but many families have told me that it is their child's favorite book, so I feel that it was very successful. Mark was against me publishing again, and I almost quit what I was working on. Now I am going forward, and plan to have two books published in the next few months.
Just this morning, I thought about that voice, and I wonder if "the problem" is that I have let people influence me too much, to the point of not being myself, not doing what I want to do. This has been a pattern for most of my life. I didn't really want to go to medical school but it was what my parents expected. Now I'm glad I did, it's a good way to support my quilting and writing habits.
So, despite my life kind of taking a 180, I feel really calm and happy, and that I'm on the right track. I don't know if that voice meant what I think it did, but still I feel like this is what I should be doing, and I'm not alone, I'm getting help and guidance all the time!
Take my word for it, it was 1111 for a few seconds!
I think it was rougher on me than it was for him...
