Andy's messages

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Andy
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Andy's messages

Post by Andy » Sun Apr 20, 2014 7:43 pm

OK, I have tried this three times now and each time I think I screw it up. So if you get three, delete the first two.

In my response to your responses to a previous post I told you this post was coming. This would be so much easier in person and over a post. Sorry for its length.

I have been receiving signs for some time now. Some I understand, some I don't.
I am in the middle of a break up of a 12 year relationship. It was supposed to be a separation as we needed time away to get healthy from the effects of my girlfriends alcohol abuse. That's the short story. I am finding in my absence there may have been another man involved. I was told he was a friend helping her through this.
I have always had an angel that I turned to for help. Her name is Ruth. In the beginning of my relationship with my girlfriend, I had just ended a divorce and had been seeing someone else during that separation. I was pining for the company of the first woman when I met my girlfriend. It was going so well that I prayed for an answer as to where I should be headed. Almost instantly, my cell phone rang and it was the girlfriend. She was driving and someone had cur her off and forced her off an exit ramp and was now headed downtown. In asking where I was, I was already downtown and on the road that her exit ramp empties onto. Within very little time, we were nose to nose at the same intersection. The prayer I made was only three minutes earlier. I took that as a sign of where I was supposed to be.
Her car became an instant connection. We would cross paths in all sorts of different places at unexpected times throughout the years together.
Now your sort of up to date. Now, I can tell you of whats going on recently. In the break-up we agreed to get healthy and hopefully return to each other. In the beginning of the break up it was OK. But, I began to feel something was amiss and prayed for answers that I was doing the right thing in holding on. The answer came swiftly.
Our lines of communications had fallen to zero. Having breakfast one morning, I HAD to pray. It was a feeling that came over me and I HAD to pray. Normally my "prayers" are very relaxed and more like a conversation. This time it HAD to be a prayer, folded hands, closed eyes and everything. Not something I am used to doing. During the prayer I asked for a sign to give me confidence that I was doing the right thing in holding on. Just then, the phone rang and it was the girlfriend, after a week and a half of silence. I took that as a sign.
The following week, I was very early for a meeting and thought I would waste time by driving around the area. While doing so, I asked Ruth again for some sort of reminder that I was doing what I am supposed to be doing. Within ten minutes, I am driving by her car that was parked in front of a store in a neighborhood neither one of us frequent. Was I early to the meeting on time so I had to drive and see her car? I took that as a sign. Had I not been early, I would never have been in the position to see her car.
The following week, she was to be out of town on business. This client usually flies her in on a Monday and out on Friday. That schedule has been going on for years. It was a Tuesday and I was filled with confidence about the two signs I had received, I joked with Ruth about how she was going to show me her car as she was now out of state. In very short order, down the road headed to me in the opposite lane, is her car, with her driving. the client changed the schedule and she was leaving a day later. She passed me by and didn't see my van. But I saw her. Another sign.
When she bought her current car, Three years ago, she had gone to the dealer to buy it the same car only in black. Upon arrival, she learned the black car had just been sold minutes before but there was a white one available. So,she bought it instead. Shortly after buying it we were in the area of the dealer again for dinner with friends and in the parking lot of the restaurant there was the black car she originally wanted to buy. We knew it because the license plate number was only one digit off from hers. Her license ends in 24 the black car ends in 23. Identical in every way except one is black the other white. These cars are common, I probably saw 20 of them on the road just today and its only 2:00 PM.
Back to the present and I am sitting at a job site and her absence and the break up are weighing heavy on me. I was parked in my van about 25 miles from home base. I asked Ruth for guidance again. Very shortly, a black car turned the corner and was coming in my direction in the other lane. I KNEW instantly what car it was. In my state, we don't have front license plates. so there was no way of knowing what car this was. But, I knew as it turned the corner to face me that that car was the sign I was asking for. As it passed me, I turned to look at the plate and sure enough, it was one digit off of my girlfriends car. That was the car she intended to buy that day. That may be a stretch of a sign but it sure impressed me. So, I took it as a sign.
Again, no contact while she is out of town. I asked for something because I am just not feeling right. Just then, her mother calls. (her mother calls only to find out where my girlfriend is) This time she wanted to talk to me. As we talked, the girlfriend sends a text message. No contact then I get both of them at the same time. I took that as a sign.
I have a file on my computer with her name on it. In it I keep stuff related to her. I do that with everything, not just her. Things have their own files. I awoke my computer one day only to find her icon on the desktop was highlighted as if someone had single clicked it. I know I didn't and I live alone. That has happened a couple of times since. I have tried to recreate it but can't. During that time I had asked for specific signs as cars are fun and all but I'm thinking I needed something with her name on it. Some told me its OK to ask Angels for clarification, so I do. I got her name with the icon. Still being doubtful, I asked again.
One day I was driving back to my office and had this urge to eat at a very particular restaurant. The urge was so great in fact that in order to eat there, I had to quickly change lanes so as not to miss the exit. In the restaurant, I was seated away from the other diners and could not see anyone else in the place. While eating, I all of a sudden heard my girlfriends name being called three times. Now I knew why I had to eat at that particular place. I took that as a sign.
Later that week, I was at a place she and I frequented almost daily. Her name is Irene, I call her Rene. While there, I wonder if I would see Rene here today as she completely stopped coming there after the break up. While there I found myself standing with a crowd and looked across to see a man standing with his arms crossed in front of him. There were letters on his shirt that spelled out RENE. When he uncrossed his arms, the letters spelled out something different. But when he crossed his arms again the word RENE was clearly evident one more time. As I wondered when I came into the place, I did see Rene there that day. In name only. I took that as a sign.
We met originally because of an event that she was decorating. She hired me to work on the event the that event has become the single biggest connection the two of us have. We are joined because of that event. It has a unique name, which I will not disclose here. When people ask how we met, she would always bring up that event as the reason we got together. Nothing else brought us together, but that event. I was at my daughters house and my phone got a text message from an unknown number. All the text said was the name of the event. That's it. just the name of the event. Then shortly another text followed that said "oops sorry" meaning someone sent a text to me by mistake. The words were only the name of the event. I have since traced the phone number back to one of my competitors whom I do not recall giving my cell phone number to. My girlfriend is no longer associated with the event and could not have given them my number.
That was a huge sign for me.
I was questioning her story about having to be apart while we healed from her drinking. It had caused us both a great deal of pain over the years. I didn't know exactly how much until spending time with my new best friends at Alanon. They all tend to agree with the separation. Still I had my doubts. (important detail coming up here) I am also a photographer and occasionally shot models for their portfolios. I stopped doing it years ago as it bothered my girlfriend. In the break up, I have had time to purge a lot of things from my life and in doing so I came across a CD of my very first model shoot. The model was great and unforgettable. She was not only pretty, as models tend to be, but extremely intelligent. We had a blast during the shoot and became fast friends. She was a college kid and adopted me as a surrogate father figure. But, I had not seen or heard from her in five years. (very important detail, five years)
In my doubts about being separated, I climbed online to research it. I came up with nothing at all. Nothing to make me feel comfortable. I was getting down. I closed the browser page and turned to my email. Upon opening the email, I find a note from the model I had not heard from in five years. She wanted me to know she was engaged. In trading emails, we caught up a little bit and I told her of the break up and why and how I was having doubts. The time on her original email was at the exact time I was researching. Her response to my doubts was to explain that she was now working on her masters degree (i said she was smart) and a good bit of her education was on substance abuse. She concurred that separation is at times the best thing as so often both parties are damaged so much that they need to go back and find out who they were before the troubles started. The timing of my research and her email, after five years, made me take notice. I took that as a sign.
I have a great deal of trouble with numbers as signs. The meanings, when I look them up, seem to be very ambiguous and I find very little comfort in them. Thats why I ask for specifics.
So, that's my story. Are you seeing what I am seeing? I am seeing I need to hold on to this woman and the thought of a reunion. I might add that holding on is probably the single most painful thing I have done since my kidney stones some years back. (thats a whole different story with a big sign)
Holding on is filled with painful memories and current knowledge that hurt just as much. Everyone is telling me to let go. But with all I think I have seen, I can't, nor do I really want to. Am I seeing what I think I am seeing or is it just wishful thinking. I can doubt some as signs, maybe. But not the text message, not seeing and hearing her name. Those, to me are unmistakable.

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Re: Andy's messages

Post by Sandy » Mon Apr 21, 2014 5:36 am

Hello Andy,
It seems you have a good case for some pretty specific signs and answers to the questions you have posed to Ruth and to the Creator of all. I appreciate you taking the time to write all this and assure you that it was enjoyable to read. By enjoyable I meant so in the way one would view a conversation sitting across from a friend over a coffee or tea, since the pain of separation came through big time through your words and I felt myself wishing I could, in Cinderella fashion, wave a magic wand and get the two of you back together with all the old problems preventing this dissolved. It seems you are living in a slight romantic state of limbo and that can't be pleasant or even tolerable with love for Rene coloring your every moments of the day.
But you said something so valuable...
It was a feeling that came over me and I HAD to pray. Normally my "prayers" are very relaxed and more like a conversation. This time it HAD to be a prayer, folded hands, closed eyes and everything. Not something I am used to doing. During the prayer I asked for a sign to give me confidence that I was doing the right thing in holding on.
You are doing the very best thing any mortal could do with whatever ails them, talking it over with the One who understands not only the situation and how it will play out for the two of you, but also the One who understands both of you...your past, present and future selves and how and why you think, say and do the things you do. Who better to confide in and ask for guidance?

I think the young first model came into your life to help you with this huge question you pose... on whether to let her go or hold on to the hopes of a reunion... as your heart is asking.
She concurred that separation is at times the best thing as so often both parties are damaged so much that they need to go back and find out who they were before the troubles started.
Ask yourself, and only yourself, dear Andy, if you are doing this... are you giving yourself time to heal, as well, or focusing all your "Rene energies" into missing her and dreaming of the days that may very well be in the cards...when you get back together?
Taking care of yourself, learning to enjoy these moments that you are given and to learn what is needed to fulfil you and your life purpose are just as important for you as are those good moments that so haunt you from this precious relationship. I feel you can still keep Renee in your heart as well as provide nurturing experience for yourself. I hope and pray you are doing this very thing as sad longings will not provide what you desire, I suspect, not in any way shape or form. But living... truly living just might. Heal yourself in every way you are led by your prayerful conversations with the Divine and allow these wonderful signs to put a smile on your face...a sense of purpose and joy because life is full of this when we expand our focus. (easy for me to say, as I am not standing in your very difficult shoes.) But remember you will not be good for Rene if you, yourself, remain stuck in the past and what was. If and when you do get back together the relationship will be fresh and new as you both have given yourselves time to grow and to be who you are now in all your glorious colors.

I must admit that within me I long to see you and Rene happy and healthy ( together too would be nice.) My prayer for both of you is for your health and your happiness for joy and wonder and for contentment. But I will leave all the details to God who will know how best to bring that into fruition. :kiss:
With Love,
Sandy
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Re: Andy's messages

Post by Andy » Mon Apr 21, 2014 8:43 am

Thank you Sandy very much for your input.

Unless I misunderstood you, as I outlined what I consider to be signs, you also see them as being specific signs.

A history on Ruth is in order here. She and I have been together far longer than Irene and I. She has been my constant for a very long time. While she still hasn't given me winning lottery numbers yet, she has helped in so many other ways from recent inspirations in financing my business, which is working out great, to finding my daughter when she wasn't at the friends house she originally told me. My daughter learned quickly that day that daddy listens to the voices in his head and can find her. She never lied to me again. Ruth directed me to where my daughter was. As I drove down the street, my head turned toward one house in particular and I knew that was where my daughter was. I knocked on the door and my daughter answered.

As I pose my questions to Ruth. These signs appeared, some quickly some not, but they appeared. My question to Ruth was if I should continue to hold on to Rene and the thought of our reunion. I take these signs a confirmation to continue to hold on to and work toward our being back together. Again, unless I misunderstood you, part of you sees the same thing.

As the signs appeared, I was in peace inside. Sometimes for days. But, being a puny human, doubt would creep back in. Thus the request for reinforcing signs.

I type this now at 3:00am. I was awoken with a dream of a letter to me being typed out. Once fully awake, I Knew your response would be ready to read. I came straight to the computer and here you are. The dream that woke me was of her cousin bringing me a message from Rene that there was hurt on both sides that we needed to recover from before we could face each other. That was a given from the start. Odd that it came as a reminder during a dream.

Odder yet, that I knew you had already read and responded to my posting and that I should get up and read your message.

Thank you for noticing my pain. I am in a great deal of it and letting go would ease that pain. But at the moment, letting go means letting go of so many great things and replacing them with bad thoughts. That would be the fastest path to letting go. Also the most destructive. I can't do that, not only to our memories, but to myself. Its just not the type of person I am. That path would leave me embittered and and angry with no potential for forgiveness. that would take away a part of me. If I am to follow this path, painful though it may be, it has to be done right.

I am doing all that I can to heal and move forward. So many people have come to my side during this, that at times, I am overwhelmed with emotions. The support comes from everywhere and some extremely unexpected places. People of my past have resurfaced to cheer me on as I move forward. One can't help but tear up at the very thought of it all. Even Rene's sister who follows my endeavors on Facebook has called me an inspiration. I think she just needs to get out more.

But, my efforts of moving forward do get hampered by thoughts of Rene and the loss of our relationship. I take these signs as reminders to hold on. In them, I find strength to continue. In them, I am able to work to make the changes in me to return me to the man I was before Irene's drinking had the effect on me that it did. The changes I make now, would not have been possible if Irene and I were still together. Absolutely not possible. I understand that now. I have for a while.

As I make these changes, I do so as a means to an end. The man she fell in love with so many years ago got beaten down, as most enablers do, to something unrecognizable from my former self. I will be back and stronger than I was. A little grayer but stronger.

I do miss her. I will not deny that. Hints here and there from others in our lives lead me to think she may miss me as well. Time will tell.

I keep praying everyday to both Ruth and God. I have never been a religious man. I would not recognize the inside of a church without a casket or a bride. My spirituality has been my driving force most of my life. The addition of Ruth so many years ago made it even stronger.

Thank you again for taking the time to read such a lengthy post.

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Re: Andy's messages

Post by Sandy » Tue Apr 22, 2014 5:27 am

Hello Andy,
It is so complicated this life of ours isn't it? I read your reply and once again feel as if you are sitting across from me at our kitchen table. I find myself wishing as before for something to give you...something that will make all the struggles worthwhile to hold onto. But as the earlier magic wand, that also is not within my "abilities". But it is always in the realm of our loving God. This is clear that you know.
The way may not be clear just yet, with little hints left scattered around for you to interpreted. But one thing is a given... somewhere along the way everything will make sense...all the whys and why nots...the ache in the heart... the ponderings of what to do next.
It seems you are already doing what you need to do to reach that coveted peaceful platform... step by step. But like most of us...you would sure appreciate a map or a program to this "play" called, Life. I would love to know what is in ACT: 4 :D but often times this is without even reading and appreciating act:3 LOL. Does that make any sense? I guess it is these one step at a time movements towards our spiritual goals... towards all encompassing Love that lead us there. The pitfalls are around us and the mind ruts...whew! don't I know about the later. My personal Teacher... hmm or was it Midwayer Mathew spoke to me about those years ago and I am quick sometimes to let it go in one ear and out the other as I am fond to look backward and NOT in a healthy sort of way. I guess there is a difference to remembering. It can be healthy in some respects and disastrous in others. The important difference may be found in how we allow it to affect us in the present, I think. For instance, with me, I find that I can look back to even some happy memories and turn them into longings that smack me in the face destroy my happiness and create an air of depression. So as I am typing this I am wondering if it is the memories themselves that are the problem and instead the way I choose to interpret... totally leaving off any and all good that has been achieved from them as I move forward. Hmm don't know but am chuckling now at myself for strangely turning this into something about me. :roll: :) sorry about that. :oops: But maybe at the very least you will see that you are not alone, and that we all can empathize, understand and relate to your pain and with that, Love flows between all of us. You feel it with all the people, friends and relatives who so supportively reach out to you. In your darkest days know this human caring and compassion, and most importantly the source of it, Gods all powerful all encompassing Love is ours for the asking...Shoot, it is there even if we don't ask, eh? :)

I love hearing about Ruth... what a precious relationship. I could have certainly used her input when my boys were teenagers. ;) And I hope it inspires everyone who reads your words to consider reaching out to their Angels, Destiny Guardians, Celestial Guides and Teachers and developing their own relationship with them. They never seek to replace our relationship with the Creator of all but rather join hands with us and along side us as we all put our hands in HIS/HERS.

You are an inspiration, Andy. I suspect you help people... and you pass on what you have learned from Ruth. And that will be the way it will always be... It is the way you grow and move forward. Your answers will come to you...every one of them...but it will be you who makes them, finds them, formulates them and eventually appreciates them for all their great worth and makes them yours. Our celestial kin may or may not offer suggestions or little nudges but in the end it is our right to decide for ourselves...our guaranteed free will that constructs the eternal path we follow. And even though we may not always appreciate where it leads and what we experience, there is comfort in knowing that there is always Light and awaiting us at the end of it.
Love,
Sandy
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Re: Andy's messages

Post by Zachary » Sat May 03, 2014 12:19 am

Andy, ive been reading your story and posts, its pretty interesting man. It interests me even more because the reason I came and posted on this board in the first place was because I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me. I felt compelled to read your story.

The spirit inside you is alive and real, it's impossible to see with your eyes, only with your mind. it's really inspiring to here a stranger talk about how your asking and receiving from Ruth, that's how its done man!

I want to tell you my story because it's similar and it might help you connect better with Ruth. Or make Ruth seem more real.

I had a serious doubtful feeling one night before Valentines day, i couldn't stop thinking if my GF was separating from me and going to someone else. I took the sincerity in my troubled life and channeled it into words-something like this: "if there are real angels watching over me and you all can hear me, please give me a sign as to where my GF stands, because i don't want to suffer longer, if this suffering is real or just fake"
Next day (which is valentines day) im still feeling that feeling of doubt. I said to myself, well she says she loves me, there's no way she would be seeing another guy, so i went out that day and purchased the goods every gf would expect. chocolates, things she wanted, and a rose. later that same day before she was getting off work and before i could see her, my buddys showed up. the look on one of my friends face was like he was going to cry, (he's macho man) so i knew something was up. My friends told me how they saw her last night in a parking lot waiting until midnight(valentines day) to come with someone else. They saw my friends and knew they were busted and fled the scene... somehow she still tried to lie about it and convince me it never happened which is kind of funny now, LOL. The better part of the story is i got a Rose from an Angel. I never told anyone this until now, but that rose i had originally bought for my GF i had bought for myself. It was the saddest and most loving of my experiences to know someone i couldn't see was guiding me to show myself i am loved, still. To this moment, that old valentines day is the starting point of me realizing there are invisible personalities around me, that are much greater than me, and can actually help me.
I told you my story because it's kind of similar to yours, but i want you to know that since that experience I've grown much closer to my "Ruth". And my "Ruth" tells me even more things now. You'll find out or already find out that as you build a deeper relationship with your God within, you get better at... well everything.

Hope you and Ruth are kickin' it right now,
peace,
zach
"Why try to use the wrong tool for the job when you have just the perfect tool. If only you would pick it up and learn to use it." -TA

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Re: Andy's messages

Post by Sandy » Sat May 03, 2014 6:23 am

((((((((ZACH)))))))

This was very beautiful! :happy
The better part of the story is i got a Rose from an Angel. I never told anyone this until now, but that rose i had originally bought for my GF i had bought for myself. It was the saddest and most loving of my experiences to know someone i couldn't see was guiding me to show myself i am loved, still. To this moment, that old valentines day is the starting point of me realizing there are invisible personalities around me, that are much greater than me, and can actually help me.
Through a deep sadness something beautiful and eternal began to blossom. :sunflower:
Love you!
Sandy
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Re: Andy's messages

Post by Andy » Thu May 08, 2014 2:24 pm

Hi Zach,
I am sorry for the delay in responding. Life and all of it's interesting turns has kept me from this site.
I am sorry to hear of your Valentines Day.
But, I am smiling about the rose.
I have found, every single day, that I am not alone. Even though I work by myself, I live alone and currently, my social life is a table for one, I am always reminded that I am surrounded.
Ruth is my constant companion. Were I to say that to anyone else, I might as well be talking about a 6' tall rabbit.
But, know that when I feel down, I talk to her and little reminders of her presence come to me.
Yesterday, I was a little short on cash. In talking to Ruth, I mentioned it to her. A little bit later at the gas station, I was walking back to my van and noticed someone had thoughtlessly thrown out an empty cup with lid and straw and left it as litter by the pumps. As I picked it up and walked to the trash can, there, on the ground, in my path was a $20.00 bill just laying there waiting for me. I am almost afraid to spend it as I also took it as a reminder that Ruth is listening and on the job.
The same is true for you. Someone is listening to your hopes and fears and are waiting for you to understand their special language. Tune into them and let them drive the train for awhile. Or at least help you steer.
Be safe my new friend.

Andy

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Re: Andy's messages

Post by Sandy » Fri May 09, 2014 6:42 am

I love what you wrote to Zach, Andy...and at the bottom I smiled because this is something I struggle with...
Tune into them and let them drive the train for awhile. Or at least help you steer.
It is a battle for me to keep from wrestling the steering wheel away from the Creator and our wise celestial friends. They probably sit back and say... there she goes again! :roll: and then they scramble in position to cushion the bumps of my ill conceived plans. I'm learning but it is a slow process for me to overcome these old habits. :)
Hey, have a great week end every body! :hithere
love,
Sandy
Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect.

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