suicide

[thiago28]

my best friend killed himself and his last known time of being alive was 11:11 pm

i have been "contacted or opened" to 11:11 years before this happened but since this moment in my life i have had nothing but misery follow.

why did he kill himself at 11:11?

and this is a cry for help because i am falling into a deeper depression everyday....

[Sandy]

Dear Thiago,
I sit here paused, pondering this moment in time...wondering what in the world I can say to help... How I wish there were magic words to lift you from the deepening depression but sadly there are none as suicide by its very nature rips at the very fabric of those who are victimized by the deliberate death of a loved one. So recognizing you need inner first aid may be a first sign of healing. You are a victim of one who truly was not in right mind at the time of this decision to end their life. Suicide by its very nature robs the survivors of answers and it is cruel...unintentionally cruel in most instances, used as a means to escape seemingly unending emotional anguish... pains so severe that they sadly cannot see a possibility of resolution in time.

I do not know why your friend chose to leave this earth at 11:11. It was his or her choice, not that of the angels and celestials who surround us. They would never orchestrate such a hurtful situation to prompt us...yet, unintentionally or perhaps even intentionally your friend did. And perhaps you could see the last time of life 11:11 as a glimmer of hope as you try to understand that despite the painful end, your friend was not alone as life ended. He/She was gently guided to that next realm and provided with loving carers, healers, as she entered the door that death provided. Those beings, the angels and Midwayers who work on our world often assisting humans in the struggles of life, are with us still, there in the background of life reaching out for us as we sometimes feel we slip beneath the waves of life. We can grasp that hand but it is our choice...always our choice as they are powerless against our free will decisions. They were there for me in my darkest times...I too once contemplated suicide...Thankfully, I was able to choose life and to see that answers and help were woven into the fabric of time. These celestials who were with me I believe are emmisaries of a most powerful and benevolent Being who cherishes each of us in life and in our death, craddling us as we enter a new realm of existance and providing peace and answers. Your friend is in a loving place and this story... your story, our stories, have not come to an end regardless of the success or seeming failure of what we experience here. Our mortal lives are a beginning...and you dear dear Thiago...the pages of your story are being written this very moment. Please turn your thoughts away from the failures of the past towards nourishing who you are ...Life is precious here. It may not always be filled sugar coated happenings...but it is our journey our beginning in eternity providing us with a perspective that is unique from every being in the entire cosmos.
If you haven't already, please consider talking to a trained therapist about what you are experiencing. They will be able to diagnos the problem and nature of the depression you are experiencing. And if this firend's suicide is weighing heavily on your heart, please also consider joining a suicide support group. Sometimes it is helpful to be shoulder to shoulder with others who have also lost loved ones in such a brutal manner. But please do something...take steps baby steps to lift yourself from the sadness, from the disappointments and seeming failures...You are alive... you are much loved and in this moment are standing at a cross roads of potential healing You deserve to be happy and with all my heart I pray that you will be again.

There are others on this board who have recently experienced a similar heartache associated with suicide.
http://board.1111angels.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=19663
Please know that while we cannot lift you from this ever increasing depression as it is beyond our human abilities and is something that will come from within you possibly with the assistance of trained professionals, we can shower you with love and caring. .. and that is exactly what I aim to do. I pray you find that glimmer of light and hope that re affirms how priceless is this life of yours... and how very much needed you are on this world of ours. After all, as I said before, there is only one you in the entire universe and you are well known among our celestial friends. You are so loved. We all are...and we are all one family... you are not alone carrying this burden.
With Much love,
Sandy

[thiago28]

thank you Sandy for your tender care.

idk what this life of mine is going to be about ... all i know is that i dont know.

i am in a very tough moment in my life ... the toughest i have ever experienced in my life.

i dont know what to do as i think my priorities and goals for my life are worng and maybe this tough time im going through is my "freinds" telling me in their way that maybe somethings need to change.

i am considering some extreme decisions as my current situation is changing for the worse ever so rapidly ... although suicide has been a over whelming thought sometimes and now i am seeing everything i have worked for in my life slowly slipping away. i will never take my own life but shaking it to the point i cant recognize is looking oh so tempting.

ever since i felt the presence of our 11:11friends i knew i was chosen for something special, and since then i have dedicated my life to being something "special" but now i feel like i am doing things all wrong.

[11light11]

Dear Thiago,

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling, with the loss of your friend. Sandy wrote such beautiful words in response, and she is truly a beacon of light! I agree with her heartfelt words, that we can look to our brushes with the Great Beyond for comfort, and we can work toward healing and understanding from the pain of our loss. Death is very hard, because even when we can feel and know that our loved one does live on - we still miss them, here in this life, and we are sorry for the pain that caused them to end their life, in the case of suicide.

I know Sandy attached a link for you to consider, and I have another for you to look at, if you are interested. It involves a dear young man, whose mother committed suicide in a violent manner. This young man has had no 'belief' system, as far as an afterlife, angels, spirit realms, etc. - and that is precisely, in my opinion, why he has had so many brushes with the Great Beyond, following his mom's death. He "needed" it! We suffer enough when we lose someone we love - but if we truly feel they are 'no more' once they have physically died, then I'm not sure how we can even continue. Bearing this in mind, I do feel and sense that beings from the other side have tried to offer comfort, peace, and a sense of 'knowing' to the situation - so that he can rest on her ongoing existence, and her attempts to reach out to him and to say "I am well." If you would like to read about it, visit this link. ( link lost )

I would like to offer one more idea for you to consider. When someone we love has suffered - and then died - we tend to focus on their suffering. The good news is this: they are no longer suffering!! It is over. If we dwell on their suffering, we do so unnecessarily - the suffering no longer exists. They are not 'trapped' in that moment, the painful moments that preceded their decision to end their life. Sad though it is that they made that decision - they are free. They are free from the circumstances that caused the sense of sadness, so deep as to say "I want out." They get a new 'life,' a new start, a new perspective, and they move on.

In the case I pasted above, with the young man's mother, she jumped in front of a train. Following her death, he was so focused on the train - so focused on the moment when she jumped. We talked about this at great length, till he could realize that the moment with the train was but a second in time - and it came and it went -- it is over, fully and truly, finally, over. She is not frozen in that moment - she is not eternally there, with that train. Only he was - trapped in his thoughts, feeling "If I love my mom I have to suffer with that train, and the image of her jumping, for the rest of my life." Who benefits from that?! And what is the purpose of that?! He has come to see instead that however much he wished she'd not done it - it is over, and she is free. Focusing on the moment itself is not important - and it is not real anymore. Her spirit has been liberated from her body, as has your dear friend's. He is free now, and he can move beyond.

Peace to you Thiago, and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

With love,
Michele

[thiago28]

thanks you Michelle

i know my friend is in a better place now and hopefully surrounded by all the love he felt he didnt receive in this life.

what brings confusion to me is not him is more about me and the choices i have made since that moment.

i put some blame on his suicide on myself and always have...
he was in a lonely place and reached out to me for help the day before but i was so caught up on my own problems with my then girlfriend at the time that i blew him off in a way that didnt help his mental state. he called me the day before asking me to hang out and i was having difficulties with a partner that i was deeply infatuated with and thought i was in love with. because he called me during one of my weak moments where i was drunk and upset with her i pretty mush told him he needs to deal with his own beep-beep because we all have problems to deal with.

ever since i received the call the next morning of his suicide my life had tqken a dramatic turn towards isolation and depression and my anger with him, her and the world drove me to where i am today.

this was 5 years ago but since then i havent been able to have a meaningful relationship and have completely isolated myself. I put all my focus into work and lost myself in the rat race and now i feel completely burnt out.

im just very confused about what i am to do with my life...
i am on the verge of eviction and repossesion of my home and car... i dont know what to do.
on one hand i can engulf myself in my work again to get myself out of this bad situation that i am in... i feel this will drive to Einsteins definition of insanity.

what i want to do is escape from my life temporary... i am considering selling off all my posessions and leaving... i was born in Brazil and last night i was up until 4am because i couldnt sleep thinking about what am i going to do. i think this would do me good as i feel i need to redefine my priorities but of course this escape does not come at a major cost.

i wish i knew how to ask for assistance because i feel that i am contaminating my own thoughts

[Sandy]

Dear Thiago,
I have been thinking of you and this almost debilitating situation you find yourself in. It seems from your post that your downward spiralling problems possibly originated in the suicide of your friend and your guilt for brushing him off the night before. I would like to say that it is very natural for those who knew, loved and cared for someone who chooses suicide to feel guilt as they wonder what they may have missed and how could they have missed these signs that all was about to come crashing down. Well, truly, the desire to end one’s life does not come about simply over night. There is an ever gradual helplessness to control their life situation and a giving up of all hope of a resolution. Your refusal to discuss his problems with him the day before does not mean you are responsible for what he chose to do. You could not have known what the future held. No one could have. As Michelle Petkus stated on another post to another victim of a suicide...you are not responsible for his life or his death.” That is something that resides squarely with him. Our lives are our responsibility no one else's.

So even though the problems you are facing do not seem entirely related to your friend’s suicide 5 years ago it is possible your inability to forgive yourself and let it go are causing undue stress on your mental and emotional well being that is translating on your outlook and actions in life.

You wrote:

i wish i knew how to ask for assistance because i feel that i am contaminating my own thoughts

I thought of you as I continued reading this in Michelle’s post.

But the point is there is something your brain is trying to work out that you just can't seem to resolve. So ask yourself what that is. Before you go to bed at night ask for guidance over your troubles about this. Ask for help releasing what is troubling you to your guides. Do this every night until something clicks. Our universe is designed to help guide us but we have to ask for the help. And sometimes our brains can get a bit muddled so just be persistent in your asking and the insights will come to you eventually to help you release and move on. You are a good person. You did all you can do. It is OK for you to let go of all this. I do hope you can get to the bottom of all this. I think if you can you may have a major life changing breakthrough. Either way, you deserve some peace. None of this was your fault. Take care.

You have a lot on your “earth plate” right now. Most people would too feel confused, scared and a little lost even with out the unresolved guilt... but I think you should certainly give yourself some credit for absolutely trying to work out your life troubles despite this self imposed heavy weight you carry on your shoulders. Please put down this burden of guilt, leave it behind as you know your dear friend is safely walking the new path that death presented. His death was his choice not yours. While, unfortunately, he may have cut short many opportunities to learn and progress, something mortal life and all its wonders and troubles provides us...he is moving on and looking ahead to new wonders of being and long ago let go of animosity to any who still walk the earth.

It is time to breath the air of freedom from this long ago incident and with that freedom and with fresh eyes look objectively at your present life. Ask yourself some pertinent questions geared towards understanding what you really want. I have to admit when I am troubled I have a hard time thinking about the answers as my own brain becomes chaotic and muddles up questions, answers, facts and desires. So a little trick that helps me let off some frustration, clear away the mind chatter and lack of focus and then helps allow me to get to the bottom of the problem/resolution is a simple exercise that can be done with either pin and paper or on your computer. Set a timer for 1 hour and begin writing or typing your thoughts...anything and everything that comes to mind as they occur. It will look like a crazy mish-mosh when you finish but is helpful in giving voice and freedom to all those confusing thoughts that impede on our brains at time. It is after such an exercise then I can sit quietly and ask for guidance and help, pouring out my heart to the Divine who will offer guidance and help even if it may come in subtle ways... sometimes it comes in the voice of a friend...a newspaper or internet article...a photo, an event,..sometimes even a knowing welling up from within. But the important thing, knowing you are loved and so deserving of help and guidance. You are you know... just as much as anyone else.
Look over your options. Write them down... make charts or lists. Ask yourself, what are the benefits to starting over in Brazil? What are the down sides? Do you have friends and a safety net of family there? Would you be able to find employment and shelter? Would you enjoy the climate and fit in with the customs? Would you miss your life here...family? friends?... the life before the troubles? What kind of work do you find fulfilling? If you could do something, anything you wanted, what would it be? Are you qualified to do this? If not how much would it entail to become qualified? Can you resolve your problems without giving up everything you own or is a new start exactly what the Doctor ordered?

I guess one thing that I fear is that yes, you can leave everything material... make a fresh start...yet, still theremay be something inside that remains unresolved and until that happens would it still cloud a life far away? Not sure dear man, that is something only you would reason the answer. Happiness is not really something on the outside of us that a change of scenery can fix...it is something emerging from within us...

I see a young man with so much potential... a caring individual... you are worthy of peace in your life. You are worthy of a loving relationship. You are worthy of lasting friendships. It is time to put aside the blame and the guilt. So I say again. You were not responsible for your friend’s life just as he was not responsible for yours these past five years in the aftermath of his suicide. We all make choices and so you find yourselves at a cross roads with a big decision looming. Be at peace and allow the guidance from within to direct you as you look carefully at all your options. Even if the current situation seems bleak...remember that with one happening... one decision... one job... one prayer... one moment of releasing our situation can be lightened. There is always hope...there is always help. We are not without guidance.

I know I cannot solve this problem for you as much as I wish I could. But please know that I care about you and am praying for you as you work through this.
Please remember how much you are loved.((((((Thiago))))))))
XXSandy

[veronicas]

Hi Thiago - I feel for you... suicide, lost relationship, financial problems and depression. Tough times to say the least.

It's like you're at the very bottom of a well... there's a rope hanging down and you don't know whether to use the rope to finish it all or whether to use it to climb out of the well! I've been in that dark place. One thing I will say to you is that every day is different - things will turn around for you. If I had not been at the bottom of my well, I wouldn't have the appreciation and gratitude for everything in my life now - my well has given me an enormous amount of strength - I chose to follow that path. At that time in my life I ended up giving all of my problems to God and my beautiful angels to sort out - not really expecting anything - and once I did this - slowly my life came back together again.

At this time of my life, I have an unshakable belief that I am exactly where I should be, things may go up and down - but you know what - it doesn't matter - I trust the universe completely - I will be ok, learn more about myself with each experience and do the best I can with each moment.

I really hope that the universe sends you thousands of hugs and kisses - and that your crosses you are bearing now transform to a beautiful and settled life....

All the best - much love
Veronica

[Philip Fong]

I don't know how many people did thought of suicide, I did. The reason is feeling worthless after many years of hard work and still alone without a visible career, but then there isn't a reason good enough to leave just like that but I am not depressed, well, maybe a little:) and the reason is frustrated.

I ride a motorbike and that put me in the high risk group, at the back of my mind, I am ready to die and recently hit by a speeding car from behind then wake up seeing the bottom of a car then sit up to feel all my body parts, while catching my breath, I though to myself, not my time to die yet. I felt dizzy and upset for a few minutes and continue to ride the damaged bike to the workshop then the fella took me home, walk up 4 stories took a bath and treat myself with antiseptic, feels like RAMBO.

Sprained muscles and bruises everywhere and sent a message via Whatsapp to my work group that I'll be out of commission for at least a week then went to sleep, the next morning, mrs boss sent two colleagues to see if I am doing OK since I turned off my phone. Can't really sleep because every movement is pain, getting out of bed have never been so painful to answer the door in my underwear.
I really want to find out if this 11:11 thing have to do with my ordeal, was I protected or forewarned? Well yes, after a few days I found my bike insurance had expire on the 11th whcih is a day before my accident, it could be just a coincident but I decided to look deeper into this phenomenon not because of one road accident but I have had quite a few mysterious encounters that are too bizarre.

So Thiago, you found this forum and its only the beginning, I felt I have already died but given a chance to set things right before I go. Accept that you are sent here to get connected and realize your role.

[11light11]

What a moving story! It is something else how we can get exactly what we need, right when we need it. Thank you for sharing. With your permission I'll include you in my energy healing intentions for others.

Peace!
Michele

[Sandy]

Hello Rambo

That was quite a story! I hope you have sustained no lingering physical or emotional injuries from your accident. Yes, it seems it was definitely not your time yet. Thank goodness! Besides, hey, you just made it to the board and we aren't ready to let you go so easily! You are very fortunate to have survived and with that, I hope there continues to grow a sense of awesome destiny perhaps one not even entirely expected. It has been interesting for me to sit back and watch members pass through these internet gates. I have seen some amazing happenings in their lives. So I am banking that you too will discover or even wander into something that makes your soul sing...I know I sound like a "Hallmark greeting card" ...but I have enormous faith in your ability to roll with the punches and finding "footing" that agrees with you, one that nurtures your dreams and deepest desires. Hang in there and keep your eyes open for those windows of opportunity.
In the meantime...we are enjoying your shared thoughts.
Love,
Sandy
P.S. How did your motor bike fair? Is it repaired and back in good driving state?

[Philip Fong]

Hi Michele, I haven't read about energy healing yet and still can't remember the other terms other than Midwayers.

Thanks Sandy, your posts inspired me along with John. Before this, I thought life has no purpose just flesh & blood, we are created to be apart of the living cycle yet no one know the reason is against my logic, that is why suicide is tempting when we are confused. Animal don't know because they don't have intelligence, human does and development is what we do but the imperfect system has been abused and degrading moral values.

The prompt led me here to discover what I've missed and I integrate it into my logic system, at the same time, I also worried of exposing too much to ill minded people who will use it to fool the unaware for profit, the so called false prophet.

P.S. My scooter is repaired and I decorated it with reflective stripes and additional warning lights also a new pair of glasses too

[Sandy]

Hello Phillip,
You wrote:

The prompt led me here to discover what I've missed and I integrate it into my logic system, at the same time, I also worried of exposing too much to ill minded people who will use it to fool the unaware for profit, the so called false prophet.

A wise friend told me something just this week about speaking our own truth. It was in conjunction to speaking from my heart to a very dear friend about a situation that has been weighing heavily on my heart. But even though it is a different circumstance you speak of, I think the basics still hold true.

”you did your job; you spoke your truth. And you can feel good about speaking your truth whatever their response! It is out of your hands after you ask the question." This gave people a slightly new perspective - some remained fearful of course, but others realized we have power with our mouths, we can still always speak our truth; if we get bumbled up worrying about the other person's response, we stay silent, we don't speak our truth! But the other person's response belongs to them - we cannot worry about their response. They can make the choice for themselves . . it's our job to just stand up and shine! And they can do with that what they want . . .”

The world has existed thousands of years upon thousands of years with people speaking their truth and experiencing the reaction and consequences of that truth. Who is to say what will finally turn the pages of peace, allowing history to view the world in a new and enlightened sense? That belongs to the eternal...and in many ways cannot be determined by our participation strictly from the present understanding of things. But even now young minds, filled with ideas of every description are springing up out of the clay of what was. Time is performing it’s ever changing tap dance. In five hundred years we, more than likely, will not recognize humanity as we compare it to our standards of today. Always there is change and always there will be new visionaries...standing in the ranks ready to expound the ideas, the truths they feel rising in their own souls... and beside them, at least for some time yet, those who wish to exploit.
The eternal pages will show the good and the bad and the results of each. I say a little prayer that great good always finds a way to manifest despite the ugliness of the times or the actions of individuals and groups. If we follow what is in our own heart, searching its’ loving depths for the highest form of truth, I would like to think in the end when it is all said and done and future generations look back at the work of our own, they will say at the very least that we remained faithful to our highest sense of inner truth. That is all anybody can ask of us.
with love,
Sandy

[11light11]

Phillip,

Energy healing is like an intensive form of prayer. One 'sends' positive white light energy into the other person - it is of no matter how much distance may separate us. If you've ever heard of Reiki, that is energy healing. Rather than using Japanese symbols, as Reiki does, I use the Hebrew letters of God's name. There are many types of energy healing, but really, they're all 'the same' - the energy that is being sent comes not from me, but from on high.

Peace!
Michele

[Philip Fong]

Sandy, I guess I have to meet more generous people to see there are more decency than evil, just purchased the first book "The search for 11:11" cheers!

Michele, ah... "energy healing",that is why I worry and cautious about. If it can be transmitted and I think it can in order to make sense of what I have experienced, it can also curse than heal if the energy is negative The platform or dimension is connectivity from radio signal to the wifi we use can contain malicious message or virus, I stumbled on the term "Midwayer platoon" and it does sounds like anti-virus.