Looking for Myself.

[Catherine R]

Greetings,

Today i received a message for the first time.

I was writing my journal which led me to begin writing about the secrets I have held within for such a long time. At one point, quite suddenly, I stopped writing. I just knew I had written enough. I saved the document on my PC and wrote the date. It was 11:11am on 26th March 2011. I have never thought about numerology before, but for some reason, I noticed that 2 + 6 + 3 also equals 11. I found you.

As I began reading your website, I became very emotional. I have been alone here for a long time.

I am a healer. I have lived many lives. I have an extra vertebrate in my spine and a lump in my head which gives me migrane and messes up my hormones, meaning I have difficulty conceiving. This is what I was writing about when I found the sign.

I have always been given what I need. The world is my protector. I feel blessed to walk on this planet. Blessed that mother nature has given me the chance to feel love, pain. the wind in my hair and the sun on my skin.

I have not journaled in a very long time, because each time i wrote, someone found it and I was persecuted as a result. Not because they didn't believe what I said, but because they didn't want me to be alive. I lived for a long time with someone who wanted to destroy me. I tried to heal them and failed. In the end I escaped with my life and my daughter. Now I am happily married to someone who knows my healing. But even he forgets himself some times - I have to remind him that I can't heal on his demand. It happens naturally, when my heart and soul tell me that it's right - not when I choose.

There's just too much to say :S

I wish I knew who I was, what is my purpose? My life has been empty, although it is whole. I feel lost. If you have an answer - please let me know.

I can help answer lots of your questions.

[happyrain]

hi catherine

i like this

I have always been given what I need. The world is my protector. I feel blessed to walk on this planet. Blessed that mother nature has given me the chance to feel love, pain. the wind in my hair and the sun on my skin.

beautiful

[Elektrum]

according to Joseph Campbell reading Mythology and following your bliss is the thing to do. I recently listen to and watch a bit of Joseph Campbell.I recently been listening and watching Alan Watts lectures too and it will help you too I believe. I am happy to know that you know you are a good healer. Reading what you written I found healing indeed. I strongly would like to recommend you to read Woman Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. A strong favourite. Also Simone De Beauvoir'S Second Sex I read pieces of every now and then which is cool. Orishas of Cuba are healing deities too, just like many more deities of the rich world literature-myths, also angels of healing will be with you when you pray and ask. I also find listening to Bob Dylan very healing I shall add I do not approve of or practice animal sacrifice like they do in some archaic religions, I believe it is enough that you love The Great Spirit Goddess God and Goddess God's angels to worship and believe

[Sandy]

Dear Catherine,

Ahhhh... your post has brought up many questions within myself as well. Who am I? What is my purpose? As I sit here pondering from my own personal perspective, I wonder whether we can truly know ourselves in our limited human bodies in this one lifetime. I feel we are probably so much more than our mortal minds can grasp at any one time... as even the most analytical minds and deep thinkers of the past century could not penetrate their eternal selves as yet and their purpose there in.
Albert Einstein wrote:

"The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing .One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous nature of reality.
It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of the mystery every day."

We are brilliant souls who are learning about ourselves in tiny increments...as perhaps the whole picture given to us all at once might be completely in comprehensible. And so, I will take the “tidbits” of revelation, as I see them in flash pictures and sentences written in my heart by the Divine and I will hold in great value, my siblings both human and celestial, who hold my hand and walk along with me as we step into the eternal unknown. I feel safe and protected as Love surrounds us and goes before us, is the very substance beneath our feet... One of our beloveds may loosen the their hands for the moment to wave saying perhaps, "I'll meet you at the "Top!"... and we smile and return with a wave, “Great! "Last one there is a rotten egg!" (sorry about that... something from my childhood.. kids ) You, me, we will all get there and in the process of being in what ever form is applicable at the time, all these wonders of self and the Eternal domains will be revealed to us. So I am saying this to myself...and not necessarily to anyone else as we all find those paths and branch’s of eternal thought here and there... leaving... re joining...and perhaps branching off again. Let’s enjoy the moment and the reality we understand now...as it comes to us in those blessed tidbits. Remember these beautiful words you wrote that have touched my heart as well...

I have always been given what I need. The world is my protector. I feel blessed to walk on this planet. Blessed that mother nature has given me the chance to feel love, pain. the wind in my hair and the sun on my skin.

As you revel in this bliss of Natures Spirit, you will find yourself revelling in the Divine as well and you will suddenly realize, like a child, that you can "tie your own shoe!" and these things you so desperately wish to know are already known and have been with you the whole time.

With Love and a huge welcome!
Sandy

[Catherine R]

Sandy, thank you so much for your comments - you remind me that life is just like love. If you continue living, but don't give up hope, eventually your path will become clear.

[LurkerAbyss]

Hello dear Catherine,

It is a pleasure to meet you among other loving healers who I have come across in this lifetime.

I think most of us ask the same questions you have, trying to find out who we really are and what our purpose is. One thing I have realized is that the answers are in the questions; and I guess this relates to the Einstein quote that Sandy shared. I think the meaning of life is not about the answers that we find, but just about the search itself to find them.

I find that the more I learn, the less I actually know. In other words, with every one answer comes another dozen questions. The trick is to stop being disappointed with what you haven't found, and learn to love the fact that you're always looking.



Love
Lucky

[luvinlife]

Great post, Lucky! I totally agree about the more answers, the more questions! I love this board because everyone here thinks deeply about life, love, and purpose. I see too many people out there whose deepest thoughts are usually regarding material things...how to get more, how to achieve more, etc. Instead of thinking about life and purpose, it's all about money and things.

Love, Clare

[AthenaGrey]

Hello Catherine!

You wrote:

I have not journaled in a very long time, because each time i wrote, someone found it and I was persecuted as a result. Not because they didn't believe what I said, but because they didn't want me to be alive. I lived for a long time with someone who wanted to destroy me. I tried to heal them and failed. In the end I escaped with my life and my daughter. Now I am happily married to someone who knows my healing. But even he forgets himself some times - I have to remind him that I can't heal on his demand. It happens naturally, when my heart and soul tell me that it's right - not when I choose.

Your words really speak to me about the depth of life you've experienced. I haven't experienced anything like what your words convey to me, but I have known that lonliness and that feeling that there is just something missing...My greatest obstacle recently has been the overwhelming dissappointment I feel when people I love do not return that love, but I am learning (so slowly)that we are all have a path to walk and these are lessons on both sides. I try to love even when I am not loved and maybe that will bring about it's own healing. I still find it very hard sometimes, because my instinct is to throw up walls and turn away. But for me, these lessons are a map of the progression of my life and it's only been recently that I've been able to visualize what that map looks like so far from above. When I came to this board I was afraid, ensnared by the mangled teachings of my youth, and I was adrift in a sea of beliefs and thoughts about reality and what-ifs that I couldn't quantify. I am no longer afraid, and instead I have given over the helm to my soul's Captain to lead me in whatever direction is necessary. We are mapping my life together and the only thing I'm certain of is that it's the right way to go.

You ask who you are? There is no simpler answer than this: YOU are who you are and everything that is - is absolutely wonderful. These words you have laid down, which touch me months later, remind me of the truest beauties in life - each other. You have a beautiful soul, so let it out, let it shine, and don't be afraid to wander where you are led! Sometimes you just have to stand in the sunlight and be in love with it. It is a great and wonderful gift to be able to do so. It is also an incredible gift to be able to heal, both of yourself and for others. You have a brilliant light and I can see it on the map in my mind's eye, shining across the world we both love.

Don't worry whether you are lost. You can't ever be lost when you shine so brightly. Besides, there are always friends walking beside us! Thank you for being one of mine.

LOVE,
Suz

[Sandy]

Dear Suz,
Your words brought tears to my eyes as the Love touched my heart. Thank you for sharing your light...it truly is very beautiful to see and feel!
With Love,
Sandy

[sammy]

Hi Catherine! Welcome to the board!

As I read your post wanted to say something, but wow Suz - Beautifully said! I can't improve on that, but I will share a little anyway.

There have been many times I felt lost searching for my purpose. (Right now, luckily, is not one of those times.) I am in a beautiful frame of mind, filled to overflowing with love. As I read your post questioning your purpose, it popped into my head "I know my purpose...it is to love". And as I try to type this, I am having a few small revelations. (LOL!!! I typed a really long paragraph which I then decided to delete and now my revelations are gone! )

At first glance, "to love" sounds so simple (when I am feeling this good), but the reality is there are depths of love much farther reaching, and lessons of love I have to work very hard on. I hope I can continue on this path and broaden the path as I creep along.

So although my purpose is to love (a task so pure and so seemingly simple), it sure sounds like it may be a challenge at times!

LOVE!!!!
Sammy

[Daddy - O]

Hi Catherine,

Welcome! I'm sure you'll feel right at home here at the 11:11 message board. There are many like-minded people here as well as many healers...like yourself.

I'm happy to hear that you were able to leave that destructive situation and move towards more positive things in your life. Great meeting you! and again, welcome!

love,
Daddy - O

[sammy]

Hey Hey! Look who's back! Nice to see you again DaddyO!

LOVE!!!!
Sammy

[Sandy]

Hi Daddy-O
George and I think of you quite often wondering how you are taking to life in Queensland.
Love,
Sandy

[Daddy - O]

Hi Sammy, nice to see you too! Reading your message and seeing your smiling face, brought a smile to mine!

Hey Sandy, we are all doing well up here in Queensland. I am a little uneasy at the moment though, as I recently resigned and I'm now looking for work. Other than that, things are going great here in QLD. How is everything down in your area?

love,
Daddy - O

[Sandy]

We're good too Daddy-O. Especially today...it is one of those perfect day...the sun just warm enough to shake off the chill and the sky big and blue with a sprinkling of puffy clouds. It is hard to feel dismay in any way on a day like this. Last week was completely different... rain, wind and more rain. Hmmm... actually it would have been a good to stroll along the beach...but as the sun is on the downward path now and as long as it takes me to get ready, probably best... to enjoy the view from the back yard.

Try not to worry, with your life/work record, I am sure you will find a job that is perfect for you again soon. I have my fingers crossed (eyes and toes too...that last one is a bit painful though ) Luckily, the Australian economy is still hanging in there and faring better than many at this time. Hopefully it will continue...

Looks like I am going to get my walk after all... not the beach but to the post box. George just bellowed, he's ready. Well, better than nothing, eh?...
Love,
Sandy