Huge conflict in my life

[Just_Jay]

This is my first post on here and, in fact, my first admission to anyone other than my mum of what I have experienced. I feel it is necessary to give a little back ground information on myself and my life in the hope you may all understand just why this is so hard for me to try and understand.
I'm 28 now and have never been religious. I apologise now if this causes any offence to anyone, it really is not my intention. I was never brought up having any commitment to any religion and never went to church, other than friends/family's weddings/funerals. My mum allowed me to decide for myself weather I wanted to be part of a religion when I was old and wise enough to make my own mind up. I came to the conclusion that this was not for me and continued my life choosing instead to believe in the things that could be proved. I have spent a good 10 years of my life now learning and delving deeper in to the things that support life and created our universe.
However, when I was very young, 8 in fact, my granddad passed away. I had a huge bond with him and he always showed me what was right and wrong and, other than my mum, was the person I looked up to the most. Shortly after he passed on, I became very aware of mirrors. Some of which I could not look in to for fear there was someone looking back. Not every single mirror though, just select ones and no matter how long I avoided one of these scary mirrors, it would feel exactly the same if I happened to go near it. This is something I have dealt with for the past 20 years and become almost used to. I kept this to myself for years thinking I was just a bit weird until one night my sister explained she got exactly the same feeling. One particular mirror had brought this event to ahead and was promptly removed by us to stop us both freaking out so often... it was placed on a wall in-between our bedroom doors!
After this even, and a conversation with our mum, my sister became increasingly interested in what it could be. This lead her to several "reading" that I dismissed as a rip off and didn't want to know what they had been told but both her and our mum enjoyed it and seemed to get something from them. They were very honest about if they had been told a lot of rubbish but had 2 reading that they said were amazing. One of which my sister was told to say nothing, just to sit down and relax. The man doing the reading started laughing and she got a little scared... the man told her he had Ken with him, this was my granddad's name. He said Ken is laughing at you because you're scared of the mirror, "he is the man in the mirror" the man said to my sister. Assured her not to be scared because he was just watching over us all. Needless to say this freaked me out big time! How could this man know this to make it up? It was impossible! It had to be true and that was very hard for me to come to terms with. There was no explanation, no reason and certainly no scientific reason for what had been happening for years and was private between me, my sister and my mum.
Anyway, after a long period I just accepted this but chose not to take it as a religious thing. He was there and I embraced this to the point I know when he is there and I talk to him. He comes in very handy if I have miss placed something as well but likes to hide things every now and then.
Almost 2 and a half years ago my mum was diagnosed with PKD which is a kidney disease and was going to lead to her needing a transplant or dialysis. I decided I would offer to donate to her if I could and proceeded to go through a year of tests and consultations leading to me being a near perfect match for each other. The date came through and the surgery was a success. I'm not going to go through the whole thing nor am I playing the amazing thing down, this forum isn't about that but you should all know I am very proud of what I was able to do. On coming home I didn't really know how I was feeling. My mum had to stay in longer than I did and I was missing her terribly, but, when she came home I felt so much better.
The first night she was home we all went to our rooms as usual and I eventually fell asleep. This is when my life was thrown in to conflict. That night I had a dream. The first part was the same daft dream that you know is a dream. Things happening and people there that you know can't be. I was on an assault course with school friends and we were all back in school. It became an increasingly hard course which culminated in me being extremely tired and covered in cuts. I made my way to a HUGE stately home where I knew I had to sleep. I became distraught as I couldn't find my room in this huge place so decided to look for a bathroom where I would be able to clean myself up then continue on to my room. Up on entering this bathroom everything changed. I was there, not dreaming, I was really there! The room was so bright and beautifully decorated. Pure white with brilliant gold trim and so crisp was the light that it felt like it bathed my skin. The room was large, so large that I couldn't see the back of it, almost infinite. As I walked through the door there was a bank of sinks to my left with large mirrors in front of them, like you would see in ans bathroom. To my right there was a rail, very intricately detailed and a deep gold colour. Beyond the rail there were seats, almost like a waiting room. I thought to myself that is a really strange thing to have in a bathroom but didn't feel I needed to question it. There was a figure there but I didn't expect anything of it as it was a bathroom. I turned to my left to a sink and turned a tap on, leant down to wash my face and then stood up properly to wipe my face with my hands. As I di, the figure was stood right next to me having made no noise travelling across the tiled floor. As I looked at him I recognised him instantly but had no clue how I knew his face or where from. He smiled at me and I was speechless, overwhelmed that he was there and that this was happening. He said hello to me and told me not to be scared. My breath was taken away, genuinely I could not say a word or do a thing. He moved his arm as if to offer me a seat and I sat down still not being able to get my words out. He then said 2 things to me. The first being about my mum, I can remember perfectly what he said but I will keep this personal. The second being "I know I don't look like your typical guardian" and I managed to reply with broken breath "you don't choose your friends for how they look". With this he smiled at me and I "woke up". Back in my room, on my own. I was so overwhelmed by this I just sat there with tears running down my face not knowing how what had just happened could of happened. I have been avoiding posting this until I was sure I wanted people to know, but, having read a few posts on here I'm hoping people might understand. Bearing in mind I am not religious and have never aspired to be given this experience, I hasten to ask if I am blessed.
Sorry this is a long post but I felt in needed to be explained properly so that I might make you see exactly how I feel. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope it doesn't come across as me being a bit mental.
Jay.

[luvinlife]

Hi Jay, and welcome to our board. I enjoyed your post very much. First, I want to tell you that donating your kidney to your mother was a wonderful thing to do, so don't ever downplay it...it was beautiful. Second, don't get hung up on the "religion" thing, because many of us here are either of different religions, no religion or just plain spiritual. I consider myself spiritual. What is happening to you happens to many of us here on this board. If you keep your heart and mind open to this, it's amazing. Just continue to love and enjoy your journey.

Love, Clare

[Geoff]

Dear Jay,

Welcome. Just like many folks have challenges to their religious beliefs, I am afraid you will have to face challenges to your world view, which seems to be based on the totally sensible? Science is never at the front of emerging reality. And even when science does categorise something, that still does not mean science is accurate in their understanding. Quantum Mechanics is far from unraveled. And you might be intrigued to know Albert Einstein REFUSED to accept a concept in Quantum Mechanics that is now proven - remote entanglement. Having a mind that is open, yet not filled with rubbish is a challenge. But I have to add, I don't fear being wrong. And I often think that's what keeps people closed minded. By the way, seeing things in mirrors is skrying, (at least I think thats what its called) and its not that common, as far as I know.

love,
Geoff

[Sandy]

Dear Jay,
What a lovely post. I enjoy your writing very much. I know what you experienced with the mirrors and with the dream and non dream experience may seem unusual to you and a little "out of the box" in what many in the world may consider normal human existence, but to be honest, that attitude is beginning to change as more and more people are opening their minds to the possibilities that are out there in this huge universe of ours. We have only cracked a small part of the fabric of our universe in science and spirituality as well. And so,I suspect, the deeper we and future generations delve, that it will be determined that these differing studies are very much related to one to another after all.

These experiences you have described to us are amazing and yet, they serve as a sort of beginning. A gentle nudge to think about these things, without worry fear and stern judgement. Take your time and perhaps consider some inner contemplation such as some type of meditation when you feel comfortable accepting and ready.Many answers are found this way. Remember you have free will and you can decide to move forward or stay put. But what ever you should decide to do, I am glad you have joined us and hope you will stay and continue to share your thoughts and experiences with the rest of us.
Love,
Sandy

[Just_Jay]

Thank you for welcoming me and also for your encouraging reply's.
I hope I got my story across well, don't want anyone thinking I don't make seance. I was a bit nervous about sharing.
I didn't mean to sound like I was playing down my donation Clare, I was just keeping within the topic... didn't want to write 2000words on the experience, which I could quite easily have done, so I apologise for this mix up.

Geoff, thank you for your words. You have given me something to think about. But I will say, one person dismissing something and not believing doesn't make it not possible. The same as everyone believing something doesn't mean it is possible. I wouldn't say my views are based on that of the sensible, knowing what we now know is true about Quantum Mechanics, I think sensible is quite a opposite. I will try to keep my mind open and not cluttered with rules about what can and can't. I also intend to look into skriving to see if it's something I can find help with understanding a little more. I must be honest and say, I do fear being wrong and this is something I will have to overcome as none of us really know for sure what it is that is going on in the universe.

Sandy, I am glad to hear you enjoyed reading my story I did try to keep it as short as possible... could very well have turned in to a novel! Maybe I ignored the signs for too long. I am well aware of them now though. Knowing what I have experienced isn't a one off comforts me that this kind of thing is becoming more acceptable. I'm sure more so in your home land than mine, unfortunately. I agree about science and spirituality becoming close in the future. There are similar unexplained things in both that I would love to have the answers to... but alas, we shall have to wait and hope one group or the other finds the answers.
I will definitely stay on the forum and keep any new experiences updated as well as any memories I re live.
Thank you all for your words.
Take care.

[Geoff]

I also intend to look into skriving to see if it's something I can find help with understanding a little more..

Looking at this afresh, its skrying, no wonder I could not find that in google. LOL.

love,
Geoff

[Just_Jay]

Thank you for clearing that up Geoff, might make finding information a bit easier

[LurkerAbyss]

Welcome Jay

First of all, just wanted to say that I, too, enjoyed your post, and I don't think you should feel bad or reserved from sharing yourself with us if you wish. You'll probably find that the folks here can be as open and accepting as they get!

In my own experience, public school was when I most struggled with religion. Growing up, I was often surrounded by fellow teenagers who CLAIMED to have "open minds", and yet there always seemed to be pressure to "choose" religion or science. I mingled with Christianity, Buddhism, and quantum physics+mechanics among other things in high school, and quickly learned a few things for myself. For one, I realized that "religion" just wasn't for me, but spirituality means something very different and I am a deeply spiritual person. On that note, I also realized that spirituality and science do not oppose each other, they finely compliment each other and I am another who believes they will begin to properly fuse in the future. While it is important to have an open mind, it is no less important to always, always have an open heart.

Knowledge and wisdom are two different things. It is possible to "know" many things, without really understanding them. It is also possible to understand many things, without having to "know" them. The latter is wisdom, the type of comprehension that can only be "experienced". I believe that, although you may not have the knowledge or the "facts" of things that are happening in your life, there's something inside of you that understands that it means "something", something important, and I think this may be part of how you ended up at this board.

Thank you for giving us your time and your trust, and I do hope you will keep in touch!!

Love
Lucky

[luvinlife]

Great post, Lucky! Thanks!

Love, Clare

[Sandy]

Clare wrote:

Great post, Lucky! Thanks!

I'm with you Clare.

Lucky, your post hit me right in the middle of my "soul". Thank you!
With love,

Sandy

[Just_Jay]

After a long time away, mainly due to having lost my computer history and all my favorites, I thought I would update my post after being reminded by my "voice" that I haven't been here for such a long time...
I must start by saying thank you Lucky, your post was very meaningful to me and I believe you're right, I have ended up here again just when I needed to hear some encouragement and a reminder of my journey and your post touched me, so I thank you again

I thought I would share with you how all your kind words and love helped me continue on the journey to awareness... Which I am enjoying, but, as with everything worth knowing, learning it is hard.

It started with my sister and mum being recommended a spiritualist healer, which they went to and had the most unbelievable experience! This was about6 months after my "dream". Without posting a very long story, again, I will leave it at them having been contacted by my granddad and grandma, she had passed over less than a year from this point. They requested me, by name, to go along and experience a healing. I will admit, despite having had my previous experience and knowing this woman, Alley, could not have known the things she had told them, I was still skeptical and thought I would go only to see if I could figure out how it was done.

I started to talk to my granddad before hand, as he was the person I wished to make contact with. Telling him I was coming to see him and also asking him questions, the kind of things I would like to know. The day came and I prepared myself and went along. Upon meeting Alley I felt instantly at ease... I had quite a stressful journey there and was not in the best state of mind when I arrived. The session was amazing, quite literally, the world was a different place when I left. Everything looked different, my mind was unlocked and I felt free. The personal things I was told were so personal that no other human could have known. And the advice I was given was exactly what I needed to hear, I just find it hard to remember and heed the advice with all life's confusion and distractions! Everything happens when it needs to, I have always been inpatient! I was also told I am a healer, that my journey and the people I meet will assist me in fulfilling this.
So I started on my spiritual journey, assisted by my mum who has taken this up with such admirable vigor. I have started to meditate, although having ADD makes this a very challenging thing to maintain. I have herd the voice I have assumed was me being silly for many many years - this happened one morning when I was putting my ear ring in, I "herd" (it is more like a instant knowing of a conversation, like a memory would pass in your mind) that I would loose it if I put it in that day. It was a very important item to me as it was a birthday present and I rarely wore it. I ignored it anyway and the day passed. I came back to my jewelry box at night to take it out and it was gone. Instantly that voice played back in my head and it was right there I knew, for the first time, I had herd my spirit guide try to help me. I now listen out for this all the time, although my mind does get loud, cluttered and cloudy, I do try to relax it when I am not too consumed with earth and its distractions.

So my life has changed, and in such a positive way. I now feel reassured about so much, but, I also have so many questions I hope to be able to answer while here on earth again. And, on the science and spirituality note, I don't know if any of you are aware of a TV show called Through The Wormhole? It is narrated by Morgan Freeman and is a science based show which looks at different questions such as: Is There A Creator? Is There Life After Death? How Did We Get Here? Does Time Really Exist? Is There a Sixth Sense? All these episodes have a very spiritual view of how science is starting to look at things. Very interesting for those of you who, like me, prefer learning from TV rather than a book

Thank you again for your kind words, love and acceptance. It means a lot to me, especially at this trying time of my life it was much needed to come back and read all your comments again.
Much love, Jay.

[Sandy]

Well, Hello there, Jay!

So much has happened since you first passed our way and I am thrilled to see you on the board again. You are a good writer and I find it is easy for me to tag along as you lead us with words through your thoughts and experiences.

Thank you for the recommendation of the show, "Through the Wormhole." I haven't seen it here but will watch for it...It sounds like a good one..and very encouraging for all of us who experience wonders that in the past haven't always fit neatly into what science says it neat and proper.
Welcome back!
Love,
Sandy

[Just_Jay]

Hi again Sandy I hope you are well.
Yes, so much has happened, my personal life has changed quite dramatically, not all for the good, but I am trying my best to deal with it and understand thanks to what I have learnt and with encouragement from kind, loving people like yourself.
Thank you for your compliment on my writing, it is something I have held back from doing because of my dyslexia, I always assumed my writing was poor. But I do so now thanks to comments like yours, so thank you again.

I do hope you managed to catch some of the shows, they are very good and as you said, it is nice to see science embracing ideas that many years ago, would have been seen as ludicrous to anyone that wasn't spiritual.

I hope to be here, make new friends, and offer my help and support to anyone that is looking for it. Thank you for making me feel most welcome, once again

Jay

[theunim]

Hallo Jay!

Because of your recent post and Sandy's answer, I came to read your thread from the beginning. Welcome back to you!

I think your keeping an open mind is a wonderful decision. You give the world a chance to give you wonderful possibilities and information that way, in my opinion.

I saw a similarity in your stories to my own still unfolding life. I, too, have been told by someone, but at a reiki session (about a couple of years ago by now), that I am a healer and that I am set to break a circle or something that exists with my family...whatever the latter one means, I'm not sure, but I'll just have to see, no? But I think for the former, I feel like I had to be set into the right place at the right time for this to happen, and I feel still that I have yet to really start some of my journey on this. Or maybe I've already started?! Anyway, I'm still trying to figure it out but I know that the more I keep going, the more I'll know personally.

Anyway, enough of my rambling! I'm glad you don't let your dyslexia stop you from writing. I've known a couple of people in the past who have dyslexia and they were a couple of the brightest, kindest people I've ever met. Please keep feeling free to share with us on the forum! I believe I heard of "Through the Wormhole" before and I may have even seen an episode but I might have not and may only be remembering what someone else said about it. Well, it's on Netflix so now it's on my queue.

Again, welcome back to you, and I hope you have a great day ahead, whenever you read this.

With Love,
Theunim

[Sandy]

Hi Jay, T and 11:11 family,

Look what I found. http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/through-the-wormhole/ You can view the episodes from this site it seems if you wish. Now, I still haven't been able to because of the slowness of my computer... It takes forever sigh but I will make another stab at it later today if I have the time.
Thanks again Jay for the recomendation...and T, I have no doubt that you are a wonderful healer and that your family is in good hands. You are up to the task whatever it may be.

Love,
Sandy

[LurkerAbyss]

Good to hear from you Jay

I am glad that, since the last time you were here all that while ago, you have generally experienced positive growth and change in your life. It is nice to know that this board and the people here were able to help in some way. I haven't been on the board lately myself, and going back to this thread and your recent posts gave me a smile and some inspiration as well as some reflective thoughts on my own life and situation, so thank you.

Best wishes for you my friend

Love
Lucky

[happyrain]

Good to hear from you Jay

I am glad that, since the last time you were here all that while ago, you have generally experienced positive growth and change in your life. It is nice to know that this board and the people here were able to help in some way. I haven't been on the board lately myself, and going back to this thread and your recent posts gave me a smile and some inspiration as well as some reflective thoughts on my own life and situation, so thank you.

Best wishes for you my friend

Love
Lucky

[arleneangle]

I think it is so interesting what you said.

[Sandy]

(((((((((LUCKY)))))))))))
You are missed dear friend!
With Love,
Sandy