For the second time in a row when entering the threashold of the churchdoor and to attend nightchurch- well my nose starts to bleed! And then while in the wash-room i started thinking about stigmata and the miracles and Holy Mary, and even Angels and Roses being carried in their laps! This time it lasted for longer, and then suddenly the bleeding ceased, like on a commando given: arhh. (^:
We are in the dark Season here in the North, and so the indoors are very attractive now. A calm night and service, and compared to last year, it is much more like Authum now, as a year ago it was snowing and cold by late November. Could be a sign of a different Winter 2 Be coming, but who knows? Inside though it was warm with the candle lights, and the music very Spiritual in the listening. Taking a break, the same friend as last when in night-church and i stayed for a while in ´the "break-room" and i had tea and he his coffee. Then people started coming, and the church became more alive and buzzing with activity from the conversations etc. etc. As we journeyed back to the churchroom, i felt more Spirited and various impressions stayed with me, and especially the flicker of candlelights and pulpit for the vicar. But mostly i sensed it is a prolonged farewell to this year 2011, and to the Spring and Summer, which for a reason felt shorter than ever before! Hmm?? On deeper levels- i sensed my Dad... and how much of a void is left in me, even in my adult years cause of never having a Dad relationship to lean upon when adolescent and a teenager either. Words came to me, and i shall attempt and putting them down and here:
"The missing note, between A and C is B. B aware i miss you, and miss what could have been, but never was to be.
The child you help into this world of mortals and dusty roads, now adulthood is mine. Fine. But what i never said: i miss you, even have a love for you 2.
Laying on the floor, contemplating- and in my sleep trying to sing a song, but one hardly to remember. Deserts of Sahara, fields of Africa once again lush.
i miss you much!
And with The Roses in an Angels lap, i sit in a church and come to think of you. Empty inside, and it must be lovely to have a father, and not to hide.
Hide the pain, remorse, guilt, stigma and fears of being cast to the wayside of the road of LIFE. And were you driven away early, cause i was?!
The Candles tell the tale, and i touch the wood and wish for every Shoul in this world to turn out Well. I got caught in the web, my day started as my life stared and as the years went by: a living hell, until an Angel with Roses in the lap made my being well. Cause i never had the knowing of a father, a Dad and a man to guide me until i was matured to guide myself. And had i known what this does, i would have given up long ago- but the Roses and the Angel allows me to pass the Mountain and rough spots, so. So, love becomes the missing key between A and C, not what i once was or might have been, but what i am becoming to B and a Life to win."
The vicar and congregation held a last supper, but there it was that the friend and i left. Funny incident, was when a man on the 2 benches right infront of the friend and i was a bench behind friend- had an ipod on and suddenly as the vicar was speaking and holding the opening words for the mass, you could hear something from a radio show or so being broadcast in the room. It was hilarious with a spark of humour! Especially as the services can be set in a quite serious mood, due to the Season of year here: Authum-Winter!
Take Care. And Blessings in Everything!
with Love & Light, Kwame